Big Beat Steve

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  1. Luckily his name wasn't Leonard Hare. (Ha, a guitarist missed this by one letter)
  2. Not expecting you anymore by now to grasp what forms actual sexual assault also takes today and what underlying attitude towards women this portrays, but just for one piece of information out there anyway ... And even if at other occasions such "reports" were made up (which does dealing with this problem a huge disservice and deserves criminal action too) then those incidents that actually did take place are cause for real concern as they add a totally new dimension to the existing problem of actual sexual harassment and those who've heard from women affected by this do not take this lightly. Particularly since in other everyday situations beyond those festivity days these have become a recurrent phenomenon in too many places. Or maybe you would want to tell the relatives of those women raped and murdered by asylum seekers (trials of the two most recently solved cases are currently going that this is all just right-wing propaganda? Or would you claim that because some such reports have been made up all the incidents that did take place are just not to be believed either? Blame it on the victims? I'd sure like to hear the outrage if this attitude had prevailed in the Weinstein case etc. Blunt, unfounded allegations like YOURS (remember it wasn't me who brought up the term "Neanderthal") are the ones that are reponsible for women not speaking up in cases like this - like the eventually mediatized case of that volunteer girl helping out at a refugee housing facility who was raped by a refugee and did not dare to speak up for weeks for feelings of guilt because she was afraid this would detract from public support for refugee matters and only fuel right-wing propaganda. P.C. at its worst. And yet I would of course NOT claim that all of those coming from Arab countries are like that (nor would any other reasonable persons in this debate), contrary to the "all men are rapists" attitude advanced elsewhere (slyly worded to be able to retreat to an "oh, but I only meant that all men are potential rapists" but not changing a thing about the underlying insinuations). So don't talk nonsense if you don't even have the slightest clue at all of what you are talking about.
  3. Don't expect to provoke me any further. Your ongoing invectives tell much more about you and your ilk than you can imagine. Over here in Central Europe the vast, vast majority of us - of both sexes - get along by simply sticking to limits not to be transgressed that are based on common sense and on a passably relaxed attitude without needing the oppressive laws that seem to be needed in your place to rein in your Neanderthals. Revisions of laws in this field as they have occurred here have primarily been spurred by the influx of real Neanderthals (comparatively speaking) in recent years who cl.aim to be entitled to holding up views of women that Europe has all in all overcome in about 1918 - but there we are treacherously close to getting political so that's all on that. Off now for a concert 'cross the border in France (where gallantry without getting obnoxious is an art in everyday inter-gender communication that has not been lost yet either - I think my lady companion will appreciate it )
  4. THANK YOU! This is what i tried to point out all along. What happend on that Weinstein level is inexcusable and behavior like this really needs to be sanctioned. I fully realize this happens elsewere too and I am NOT condoning it. But that far, far lower level of the waitress example or the office level example I gave (among co-workers, not bosses playing that "honey" card vs their female employees, i.e. not in cases of one having real power over somebody else) are what have very, very often been lumped into the recent discussions following the "metoo" action, to the consternation not only of males but also of many,many females in forums I have looked at (not exhaustively) here and there. Reason and good judgment going out the window. Swooping accusations levied at every man in sight. Alienation for the sake of alienation. What for? And this is what I find does the problem of getting hold of the real perpetrators a disservice because it detracts from where things really ought to change. Who are you talking to? I for one can't make much of what they did, sorry. And I certainly don't feel hung up. In fact I have spent a fairly interesting afternoon communicating here because it has given me a lot of insight.
  5. Do the maths. This question has been answered here several times over, including not very long ago. Older than you. Coming from a different generation than you therefore - yes. But interacting consistently with people from a relatively wide range of ages. Does help understanding, you know.
  6. @Scott D.: OK, again - I am not biting the way you'd want me to, like it or not. Leaving out the fact that "co-worker" opportunities in the stricter sense of the word are out for the reasons explained, that attempt at an analogy is all skewed. It just happens so (being hard-wired as we are - BOTH ways!) that males do compliment females at times, and vice versa. I did and I do - sometimes (Note: sometimes - not even each week - just when the person and occasion warrants it IMO). The same sort of compliments extended to males is something that just is not usually done the same way. But I DID and do it. More than once. The last time? A couple of months ago, I guess ... Of course in order to cause that kind of reaction among us men we just have to come up with way more (like a buddy who you normally just see in jeans and t-shirts only one day came along wearing a fine pinstriped suit). Sharp, fitting him well, fitting him better than he probably figured himself, so worthy of honest appreciation (by men and women, BTW, even some who knew him only fleetingly, and he did not feel "offended" by what any of us said). I guess this won't satisfy you for a response either but never mind ... this just is so because your pseudo analogy just isn't one that holds water in the casual way of people of both sexes being able to get along with each other WITHOUT meaning harm and being able to distinguish between when harm is meant and when it is not. An ability apparently lost with some parts of the populace ... Not the problem of most of us (including of the opposite sex) around here.
  7. Greetings to you in that other corner over there as you evidently are just trying to retain YOUR dominant right to say anthing YOU deem approporiate too. Remember -pointing a finger at somebody else means three fingers are pointing back at you. I know I can walk out of my field without so much as even getting the tips of my shoes wet with paint. It just is a pity that you seem to be unable to refrain from insinuations such as "hitting on the opposite sex". This "hitting" thing - again - is on a level I have never come down to. If, OTOH, you feel even one single, isolated appreciation made using words that won't "hit" on anybody is already a case of "hitting", then, well ... proves my point ... amply ...
  8. Like I said, clash of cultures, puritan indeeed. Thoroughly puritan. Creating an icy atmosphere with nothing so much as a single word on a personal level, no matter how fleeting and harmless. I am beginning to realize things are worse in your part of the US than expats returning from the US have described them to be. The words or tone you insinuate I'd use are not ones I'd ever use (nor have ever used). I have always been fairly restrained in these matters and tended towards understatements (if you know what this is). Part of decency IMO too you know. In short, mentioning in passing "hey, you look really elegant tonight" (or "today" or this "morning" orf whenever) or "this is some great dress" (or slacks or hairdo or whatever) is nothing that conflicts with ANY sort of professional or productive cooperation and has of course always been limited to those I know well enough to be passably sure they would understand I am NOT trying to make passes at her or, worse still, would not retort wth a "WHAT? Are you saying I looked like a slob yesterday??". So if you feel you are unable to make well-worded, decent "standalone" (i.e. involving no ulterior motives at all) compliments to a deserving lady beyond the "bitch" level that you allude to then this is your problem, not mine. And not that of most of my fellow countrymen AND -women, luckily. But your loss. I did reply. Read again.
  9. See (again) - you are getting closer to what I see as one of the underlying problems. You admit is is all about feeling offended and the right to feel offended. But how often is it actually a case of feeling "offended" because somebody was just stupid or horny enough to say something truly inappropriate and uncalled for and how often is it a case of somebody thinking and stating "I elect to feel offended now because I want to assert myself" even though the other either was just inept or did mean well and certainly no harm, like in the case of a small, innocent compliment stated in passing? As for allowing other people their right to feel offended - fine, if you prefer it that way but doesn't this equal the same right to protect oneself against causing offense? So no interaction anymore that might even REMOTELY lead to such a situation that could be held against you at whatever other moment. Which of course INVARIABLY reflects on professional interaction too. Take that lady entering the office building at the same time I enter it. Trying to be polite, of course I hold the door open and let her pass first. Now if this lady takes offense at this because by her own assertion she is perfectly capable of opening the door herself then so be it. Won't happen again. But if, in the course of the day, that same lady should see fit to play the "poor, weak woman" card (of sorts) and ask me to lift or move or carry this parcel or piece of furniture or whatever for her because it is oh so heavy"? Well ... "You know, I certainly would not want to doubt your abilities and am certain you can very well handle this yourself, competent as you are." Which basically amounts to what is not being said but thought: "Fuck you". "Reflexively being offended"? Maybe. But - again - one right is worth another, and if you want to be emancipated then GO THE WHOLE HOG and don't shift your parameters around just however it suits you best. You can't have your cake and eat it. Besides, who could have been sure she would not have held it against you at some other occasion that you tried to help her? Why am I expanding on this example? Because it has happened to a friend (not exactly the macho type, BTW) not long ago and he WAS offended by her behavior (as evident from the way he told it). The bottom line: This woman did not respect the right of the other person to be offended so it was her who did not defuse things in time.Face the consequences, then. Or step back, breathe deeply and think about what you do and whether whatever the other does is really full of such bad intentions that you have to slap him in the face. So ... "Today's climate". This is indeed what it boils down to and as the above example shows it happens even over here, feminist fundamentalism carried to its extremes being as it is sometimes. What have we come to? Wouldn't there have been better ways of getting these petty things settled by just interacting with each other in a normal and a bit more easy-going way so the real effort to solve problems can be dedicated to dealing with the REAL problems? Because even your "today's climate" apparently is exceedingly unable to cope with the Weinsteins of this world. (And yes .- I realize this is a clash of cultures between the US and Europe - for worse ...)
  10. Two offices or not or only a small office - life consists of more. You don't take note of what happens around you - you never find time to talk about professional/office/workplace life with your wife, family, friends, acquaintances? You never notice what others have to say? Are you just not interested enough to interact with others to absorb what they have to tell about how they spend their days in very, very different walks of life? There is PLENTY of input out there - and plenty to learn - if you are willing to listen. From both sides, if you have friends from BOTH "sides of the fence" and try to interact openly and honestly and just plain down-to-earth with them. Which in turn might well make them feel halfway comfortable enough to discuss things with you they might not be discussing with EVERYBODY else out there. And no - like I hinted at repeatedly in recent posts here today I am not in the slightest surprised about what you describe as the dominant culture in the US these days. But mind you - IMO overall this is no achievement at all to be proud of if taken to such puritan P.C. extremes. By and large and in the majority of situations common sense and decency still do prevail in everyday life in the Western World and are amply sufficient to get along fine, and the efforts required to deal with problems really need to be concentrated on those problems that REALLY and DESPERATELY need to be solved, such as actual cases of sexual harassament and abuse and bullying at the workplace or in opther areas of life in all their forms. I am not conding ANY of such misbehavior. But just trying to be nice and polite and a wee bit "gallant " in everyday situations without even the slightest "ulterior motive" hidden behind it MOST DEFINITELY is not one of these problems. Unless of course you feel comfortable being forced into a behavioral straitjacket. As for German men "having not evolved beyond the frat house mentality" (I can assure you the sorority mentality among a certain female office worker species is something that has made more than one man blush too), please note that the oft-caricatured US "frat house mentality" never existed here to that extent back then (for lack of frat houses or initiation rites among college students, by and large) and in recent decades has been the source of incessant bewilderment to many from Europe spending time at US colleges and has - apparently correctly so if I am to believe your insinuations - been explained upon their return as everybody taking the opportunity to cut loose once more before puritan post-college life catches up with them for good.
  11. See, and men are offering women the opportunity to evolve too. The need is there too - not as much as for a certain species of men but certain species of women DESPERATELY need to evolve too - and fast. Just as fast as men. Fair and square. Because - to start at the top of the list of inacceptable behavior - women blaming men for sexual harassment or even violation that never happened have been proven to exist too. On a smaller scale than actual cases of such harassment but they DID happen. And though this is not to discredit any of all the Weinstein victims (or victims of similar actual assaults) one iota it still stands that women have their share of evolutionary effort to undertake too. I know I did mine. Used it and found it - see above, without even having to force myself - it was pleasant the way it happened and I wouldn't have had it any other way and though I certainly would not consider myself a "softie" I still feel it is nice to see that the women I associate with in my life do not see me as the typical male predator the way they see certain others and just put up with, rolling their eyes either in dismay or in an understandable "he don't know any better" attitude. And I am glad to see that whatever else my son sternly refuses of my advice, this fact of not feeling the need to run after every skirt is one detail I have never even had to force upon him.
  12. Not being able to force evolution on others - duly noted, but by that yardstick, what makes the exponents of the current discussion think, then, that the female gender can force evolution on the male gender?? Again, this is a door that swings both way too. And as long as women are "guilty" of the same "offense" (i.e. in these low-level "office" settings alluded to above that all of a sudden are lumped into the actual and real problem), even though admittedly to a lower degree, there is work to be done on BOTH sides. You know, what galls me in these discussions is that below the level of Weinstein and his ilk hypocrisy becomes evident, and OTOH sometimes all this rather amuses me because there are moments when I almost feel like an outsider looking in, wondering about how worked-up you can get (on both sides) about petty things because trying to dig up bad intentions that alren't really there if your're being honest really are way too much effort. Maybe this is because I think my own evolution in this matter has taken place a good while ago and I have no problems treating persons of the "other sex" I know in either a correctly distanced or just buddy-like manner (or anything in between, depending on who she is and how close we are). You know, if you have spent four and a half years at a university where the students throughout the faculty were made up of about 85 to 90% women then you INVARIABLY get to see the other sex as some sort of NEUTRAL GENDER-LESS SOMEBODY or SOMETHING where the fact that "she" is from the "other sex" after a while just does not enter into the equation anymore and outside your very personal, private life you just interact with them like "human beings of indefinite - because irrelevant - sex" (and no, in case you're wondering - they weren't all that ugly that you'd not notice that they ARE attractive femmes, but still, you just couldn't care less going beyond a certain limit ... ) Wrong equation. The equivalent would be the women who make remarks to that effect towards a MALE co-worker. Happens everyday, everywhere. Hard-wiredness. On BOTH sides. As for me, this has been irrelevant for the past 28 years, being self-employed in a 2-person office (my colleague and office partner IS female, BTW, and even through these years such remarks happen every once in a blue moon, in both directions ...) But at the office I was employed at before that I did in fact made appreciative remarks every now and then (when appropriate and merited) and they were appreciated throughout (you know even a "wow" in appreciation sometimes is sufficient). And this never kept me from working together in a strictly professional manner. Maybe it is the TONE that sets the music, you know ... (see my reply to Jim Sangrey above), even in other situations in everyday life because interaction with other human beings (of BOTH sexes) involves much more than just work hours and if you are rash enough you can get into trouble even elsewhere (or particularly there).
  13. Sure, but where do you draw the line between what is "seduction" as you describe it (others might call it gallantry, even thought that's a term - and way of acting - apparently terribly old-fashioned now ) or outright sexual abuse or harassment? Some women seem to be all too touchy about what you correctly refer to as "hard-wired mind games" (while on the other hand they are not IN THE LEAST above trying to use their own hard-wiredness when it is to their ADVANTAGE, starting with soliciting little favors that - if they were being stringent with themselves - were a strict no-no to any self-respecting emancipated female able to take care of herself throughout!). Evolution has to take place on BOTH sides. BTW, referring to where you live: How is this problem handled with those parts of the population with a Hispanic background, I wonder? Don't tell me their own culturally conditioned "hard-wiredness" has all gone down the drain by now throughout. Or is this harassment thing starting from such a low level maybe more of a WASP problem?
  14. A point that's often been made in those forums and to quote one long-gone noted comedian from here, "Everything's been said on it, except that it's not yet been said by everybody." And I am only half-surprised that this has come up straight away from the USA now as a first reply to my post as no doubt the example I quoted would have been found exceeeeeedingly non-P.C.-ish in many quarters (expats have story or two to tell at times, no matter how restrained they acted in their office work, having been cautioned before in a way that at times made them shake their heads in disbelief), even if it definitely was only meant in an appreciative way (and no, DEFINITELY no phone numbers asked ...) Of course each case depends on the actual situation and demands to be handled accordingly, and usually things like this ARE handled individually and decently, depending on what kind of relationship and interaction colleagues have at the office (which can be icy cold or just cordial without going overboard or into the closet - or anything in between). But as long as there are women out there who keep winking at the "good looking new office guy next door" and comment on the way HE dresses (which DOES happen not much less often than to women, by all accounts) there is no fundamental difference in which gender is allegedly worse than the other. In short, don't blow things out of all proportion unless you insist on slighting those who REALLY have reason to complain about true sexual harassment or even abuse (because the more of these non-incidents you lump in the more you downplay the really problematic cases that NEED to be addressed).