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Guy Berger

Kenny G Dispels Supergroup Rumor

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From Sony/Legacy's website:

Kenny G Dispels Supergroup Rumor

6/1/2007 2:51:00 PM

Kenny G

Kenny G recently dispelled rumors regarding the formation of a supergroup with him, Michael Bolton, John Tesh and Yanni. "I have no idea where this rumor came from. This is just not true." Kenny's new album, "I'm In The Mood For Love – The Most Romantic Melodies Of Album Time" is in stores now. For information, visit kennyg.com

:crazy:

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From Sony/Legacy's website:

Kenny G Dispels Supergroup Rumor

6/1/2007 2:51:00 PM

Kenny G

Kenny G recently dispelled rumors regarding the formation of a supergroup with him, Michael Bolton, John Tesh and Yanni. "I have no idea where this rumor came from. This is just not true." Kenny's new album, "I'm In The Mood For Love – The Most Romantic Melodies Of Album Time" is in stores now. For information, visit kennyg.com

:crazy:

I think it's a great idea for a band. They could call it "A Paler Shade of White."

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Should not have read this so soon after lunch.... :bad:

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"Quartet of Doom?"

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Sounds like the house band in hell.

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It's a shame "The Butthole Surfers" name has already been taken. :lol:

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Imagine the giant sucking sound that would result from those four playing together...

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I think the seed was originally planted years ago in The Onion, iirc.

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From Sony/Legacy's website:

" Kenny's new album, "I'm In The Mood For Love – The Most Romantic Melodies Of Album Time"

what's "Album Time"?

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"All Time"

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The full title is actually "I'm In The Mood For Love - The Most Romantic Melodies Of All Time (Played By Kenny G, So You'll Never Want To Hear Them Ever Again)"

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I think the seed was originally planted years ago in The Onion, iirc.

I think you may be right. Was trying to find it in the archives but could not locate. However, I did find one of my favorites.

Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land

February 15, 2006 | Issue 42•07

GAINESVILLE, FL—Although dolphins have long been celebrated for their high intelligence and for appearing to have a complex language, a team of researchers at the University of Florida reported Monday that these traits are markedly less evident on dry land.

A dolphin performs poorly in a University of Florida land-based locomotion test.

According to study researchers, a group of 25 bottlenose dolphins removed from their holding tanks failed 11 exercises designed to test their basic cognitive abilities and reasoning skills.

Study-Dolphins-Jump-C.article.jpg

"The dolphins were incapable of recognizing and repeating simple gestures," said study co-author Dr. Scott Lindell. "Their non-verbal communications were limited to a rapid constriction and expansion of the blowhole, various incomprehensible fin motions, and heavy tremors while they lay prone on the lab table."

After capturing the dolphins from the ocean, Lindell and his colleagues tagged them and placed them under the intense, high-wattage lights of a moisture-proof lab. The researchers then administered an extensive battery of tests designed to measure everything from the dolphins' self-awareness to their aptitude for writing and reading comprehension.

"Dolphins have a popular reputation for being excellent communicators," Lindell said. "But our study group offered only three types of response to every question we posed: a nonsensical, labored wheezing, an earsplitting barrage of unintelligible high-pitched shrieks, and in extreme cases, a shrill, distressed scream."

Even the dolphins' proven ability to navigate through a form of sonar called echolocation was ineffective on land.

"The military has claimed great success in training these mammals, utilizing their echolocation skills to detect mines that have been placed underwater," said Lindell, who conducted a similar experiment in a concrete parking lot. "We were unable to replicate this finding ourselves."

Lindell added: "In most cases, the dolphins succeeded in finding land mines only when we placed them directly on top of the mines."

In another test, several pounds of mackerel were placed on the ground, separated from the test dolphins by only 20 feet of concrete. The dolphins were unable to reach the food and feed themselves.

Despite their failures in the initial series of tests, the animals were given further opportunities to demonstrate their intelligence on land. The dolphins were unable to display novel behaviors, use a map to pinpoint their location on campus (spatial reasoning), or complete a simple obstacle course and wall climb.

"Their learning curve was actually negative," Lindell said. "The more time we gave them to complete basic land-based tests, the more pitiful their efforts became, with many of them opting to bask in the sun rather than perform a simple task."

"In some cases," Lindell added, "the dolphins appeared to be looking directly into our eyes, as if pleading with us to help them perform better in these tests."

Many scientists believe these findings may help to explain why dolphins, for all their vaunted intelligence, have never developed technology or agriculture, or harnessed the power of fire—skills still exclusively in the domain of Homo sapiens.

Said Lindell: "Their failure is a great disappointment to all of us who once felt an intelligence-based kinship with these majestic animals."

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It's a shame "The Butthole Surfers" name has already been taken. :lol:

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Their tour could be sponsored by Ambien.

Or maybe Hoover.

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:D

Kinda reminds me of the "Babies are Stupid" article...

haha :lol:

That's one I have never read before.

Study Reveals: Babies are Stupid

May 21st, 1997

LOS ANGELES - A surprising new study released Monday by UCLA's Institute For Child Development revealed that human babies, long thought by psychologists to be highly inquisitive and adaptable, are actually extraordinarily stupid.

The study, an 18-month battery of intelligence tests administered to over 3,500 babies, concluded categorically that babies are "so stupid, it's not even funny."

According to Institute president Molly Bentley, in an effort to determine infant survival instincts when attacked, the babies were prodded in an aggressive manner with a broken broom handle. Over 90 percent of them, when poked, failed to make even rudimentary attempts to defend themselves. The remaining 10 percent responded by vacating their bowels.

It is unlikely that the presence of the babies' fecal matter, however foul-smelling, would have a measurable defensive effect against an attacker in a real-world situation," Bentley said.

Another test, in which the infants were placed on a mound of dirt outdoors during a torrential downpour, produced similarly bleak results.

"The chicken, dog and even worm babies that we submitted to the test as a control group all had enough sense to come in from the rain or, at least, seek shelter under a leafy clump of vegetation or outcropping of rock," test supervisor Thomas Howell said. "The human babies, on the other hand, could not grasp even this incredibly basic concept, instead merely lying on the ground and making gurgling noises."

According to Howell, almost 60 percent of the infants tested in this manner eventually drowned.

Some of the babies tested were actually so stupid that they choked to death on pieces of Micronaut space toys. Others, unable to use such primitive instruments as can openers and spoons due to insufficient motor skills, simply starved to death, despite being surrounded by cabinets full of nutritious, life-giving Gerber-brand baby-food products.

Babies, the study concluded, are also too stupid to do the following: avoid getting their heads trapped in automatic car windows; use ice to alleviate the pain of burn injuries resulting from touching an open flame; master the skills required for scuba diving; and use a safety ladder to reach a window to escape from a room filled with cyanide gas.

"As a mother of four, I find these results very disheartening," Bentley told reporters. "I can honestly say that the effort I have expended trying to raise my children into intelligent beings may have been entirely wasted, a fool's dream, if you will."

Study results also prompted a strong reaction from President Clinton. "All of us, on some primitive, mammalian level, feel a great sense of pride in our offspring," Clinton said. "It is now clear, however, that these feelings are unfounded. Given the overwhelming evidence of their profound stupidity, we have no choice but to replace our existing infant population with artificially incubated simu-drones, with the eventual goal of phasing out the shamefully stupid human baby forever." - The Onion

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My favorite all-time Onion article:

O' Canada

Perky 'Canada' Has Own Government, Laws

[in the original article, there was a map of Canada was shown, with the capital, "Canada City," helpfully highlighted.]

It's Monday morning, and Toronto resident Steve Dorman shares a quick breakfast of "eggs" (a native food) with his "wife" (an officially state-sanctioned mate), and discusses yesterday's poor showing by the hometown team in "baseball" (a popular local sport). After a kiss on his wife's cheek, he hops on the "subway train" (a mode of subterranean transport) to the office.

This is life in exotic Canada City, the capital set deep in the heart of the mysterious land known as Canada (pronounced CAN-a-da).

Like his estimated 35,000 fellow countrymen, Dorman is proud to be a "Canadian." Located 120 miles north of Buffalo, NY, Canada is, according to Dorman, "a nation with a government and laws distinct from those of the United States." It also has a military, a system of taxation, and periodic free elections to select political leaders. It even has its own currency, says Dorman, various denominations of "dollars" that can be exchanged for the many products manufactured in Canada, including Canadian bacon and ice.

Canada City, Canada's largest conununity, is located in a place called a "province," a subdivision not unlike the cantons of Switzerland. There are 10 Canadian provinces in all, from Nova Scotia in the east to British Columbia in the west. And, much like America's states, nearly every one of the provinces has its own capital. But make no mistake--there's nothing provincial about these provinces. Canada has both feet planted firmly in the 20th century.

"In fact, Canadians enjoy advancements such as refrigerated food, zippers and printing," notes Dorman, an "accountant" who goes to work wearing the comfortable trousers, dress shirt and necktie that form a traditional Canadian costume, "Our industries are large and varied, ranging from logging to automobile manufacturing."

Not too shabby for a nation that just 240 years ago had no electricity.

Did You Know...

...that Canada is known as the "Maple Leaf State"?

... that in Canadian Units, Canada is actually a larger land mass than the U.S.?

... that murder is illegal in Canada?

... that the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) also mentions Canada in several clauses?

... that Canadians have evolved with a fully functioning pancreas?

Edited by Guy

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Kenny G, kind of an easy target, don't you think?

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Yet, so fun to pummel. It's the hairdo, it screams, "punch me."

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Kenny G, kind of an easy target, don't you think?

Coming on the heels of stupid babies and Canadians, that post is one hell of a buzzkill! :mellow:

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"Kenny G Dispels Supergroup Rumor, the supergroup to end all supergroups!"...

So... he wasn't planning to overdub himself onto the Massey Hall recording? :unsure:

Oh god... I didn't just say that. :ph34r:

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"Kenny G Dispels Supergroup Rumor, the supergroup to end all supergroups!"...

So... he wasn't planning to overdub himself onto the Massey Hall recording? :unsure:

Oh god... I didn't just say that. :ph34r:

I only thought I knew fear before.

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My favorite all-time Onion article:

O' Canada

Perky 'Canada' Has Own Government, Laws

[in the original article, there was a map of Canada was shown, with the capital, "Canada City," helpfully highlighted.]

It's Monday morning, and Toronto resident Steve Dorman shares a quick breakfast of "eggs" (a native food) with his "wife" (an officially state-sanctioned mate), and discusses yesterday's poor showing by the hometown team in "baseball" (a popular local sport). After a kiss on his wife's cheek, he hops on the "subway train" (a mode of subterranean transport) to the office.

This is life in exotic Canada City, the capital set deep in the heart of the mysterious land known as Canada (pronounced CAN-a-da).

Like his estimated 35,000 fellow countrymen, Dorman is proud to be a "Canadian." Located 120 miles north of Buffalo, NY, Canada is, according to Dorman, "a nation with a government and laws distinct from those of the United States." It also has a military, a system of taxation, and periodic free elections to select political leaders. It even has its own currency, says Dorman, various denominations of "dollars" that can be exchanged for the many products manufactured in Canada, including Canadian bacon and ice.

Canada City, Canada's largest conununity, is located in a place called a "province," a subdivision not unlike the cantons of Switzerland. There are 10 Canadian provinces in all, from Nova Scotia in the east to British Columbia in the west. And, much like America's states, nearly every one of the provinces has its own capital. But make no mistake--there's nothing provincial about these provinces. Canada has both feet planted firmly in the 20th century.

"In fact, Canadians enjoy advancements such as refrigerated food, zippers and printing," notes Dorman, an "accountant" who goes to work wearing the comfortable trousers, dress shirt and necktie that form a traditional Canadian costume, "Our industries are large and varied, ranging from logging to automobile manufacturing."

Not too shabby for a nation that just 240 years ago had no electricity.

Did You Know...

...that Canada is known as the "Maple Leaf State"?

... that in Canadian Units, Canada is actually a larger land mass than the U.S.?

... that murder is illegal in Canada?

... that the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) also mentions Canada in several clauses?

... that Canadians have evolved with a fully functioning pancreas?

DEFINITELY one of their all-time best! Thanks for the reminder.

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