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Techniques for finding time and space alone to spin a record


blajay

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I have a roomate in a band who used to practice but now mostly just meets with his bandmates a few nights a week in our living room. They don't rent a space because they don't have percussion. If he isn't doing that, he's sitting there on the couch with his computer watching crappy TV or listening to the radio. He just lost his job, so it's seemingly impossible for me to find time alone to listen to my records, and the turntable is in the living room. I also have a girlfriend that does not enjoy jazz and always wants "to talk." She gets offended if I have a record spinning and my eyes focused on a book if she is in the general area. Occasionally I can play vocal, swing, or some soul jazz, but any tune with harmonic dissonance is considered disruptive. This leaves me yearning for Bebop, Hard Bop, and especially Free Jazz, which I need to listen to alone to really appreciate in the first place. Anybody ever have similar problems? Anyone develop solutions to such problems?

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I have a roomate in a band who used to practice but now mostly just meets with his bandmates a few nights a week in our living room. They don't rent a space because they don't have percussion. If he isn't doing that, he's sitting there on the couch with his computer watching crappy TV or listening to the radio. He just lost his job, so it's seemingly impossible for me to find time alone to listen to my records, and the turntable is in the living room. I also have a girlfriend that does not enjoy jazz and always wants "to talk." She gets offended if I have a record spinning and my eyes focused on a book if she is in the general area. Occasionally I can play vocal, swing, or some soul jazz, but any tune with harmonic dissonance is considered disruptive. This leaves me yearning for Bebop, Hard Bop, and especially Free Jazz, which I need to listen to alone to really appreciate in the first place. Anybody ever have similar problems? Anyone develop solutions to such problems?

Stay up later than everyone else and use headphones. Works for me.

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Unless the sex is extraordinary, dump the girl. Not only does she mostly reject music that is very important to you, that whole "needs to talk" thing is a major warning sign of neediness. Lose the girl, keep your testicles. Or vice versa, its your call.

But that would do a lot to solve your problem. After that, invest in headphones so you and the roommate can coexist in your respective little worlds in the living room.

Alternatively, I would sit down with the GF and explain to her how important music is to you and that she should respect your needs a little more. If that means some "alone time", she needs to get over it.

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Unless the sex is extraordinary, dump the girl.

But if the sex IS extraordinary, you'll need to rethink this whole "jazz" thing. ;)

Sex is extraordinary NOW, you must look things in perspective, get all the sex you can, listen the iPod in the your private moments, aka bathroom time, wait for the unavoidable collapse of sexual magic meanwhile collect all those Ayler and Braxton, you'll need them in the cold winter's night.

Add some rat's poison in the junk food your roomate surely consume watching tv.

Maybe I am too cynic. :rhappy:

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I listen to music in the car, whenever I am driving. I make sure I always have my CDs of choice ready to take in the car. I don't even think about playing jazz at home. Whenever I can, it's a bonus, but I assume that it will be a rare thing.

I see a distinction between the girlfriend and the roommate. I would tell the roommate, "we're not watching TV now, we're listening to Sam Rivers", and if he leaves, so what.

You really can't do that with a girlfriend or wife.

Edited by Hot Ptah
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Shit... I mean, we're not talking about a 20 minute Cecil Taylor excursion or Albert Ayler or Japanese noise here, or are we? It is just music. You can talk while it is playing!

Try it in a playlist or a shuffle. Its only fair. If Bells comes on during a shuffle, hey, we deal with it.

Example:

"We don't have the money to do the kitchen right now. You know that! I love your ideas, and I think we can do a little bit at a time, but you have to understand that we can't do it overnight and the place is going to be a construction zone for a while once you decide you want me to get started. Listen to that horn line. Gorgeous!!! I know you, and I know after a week of this, you will be all over me to hurry up and finish. With money the way it is right now, we have to work in stages, ok? Mmmmm... that's Albert Ayler. {Insert interesting biographical nugget here.} Huge sound, right? Listen to his playing compared to the saxophone in the last tune. It is another world altogether! It is going to be great when its done, and it really won't be all that long when its all said and done. Remember the bathrooms? It is going to be messy, the it is going to be bare, and little by little, it will come back together, ok? This is Miles' Quintet. This is a Wayne Shorter tune. Remember that song Rio that I am trying to learn? Same dude. Isn't it beautiful?"

And we continue to talk about what is on our minds.

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Your roommate does have the right to mope in the living room, and your girlfriend is certainly within her rights when she wants to talk to you instead of just having sex or watching you read while records spin.

But not all the time. You also have the right to listen to records in the living room and to spend time alone. You can legitimately tell your roommate, "Hey, I really need to listen to music right now. I'd like you to shut off your audiovisual laptop output for a couple of hours, OK?" Or "Say, the guys from the band are over here all the time. I want to spend tonight with no company, just listening to music. You can all go to one of their places for once." It will no doubt be more delicate to tell your girlfriend, "I love you very much but I need to listen to my music, it's very important to me, so let's agree that the next couple of hours is going to be my time to listen. In fact, I need to do this regularly. It's not that I'm not interested in you, it's just something I need to do for myself." Maybe you could spin it (maybe not inaccurately) as an appreciation of beauty that brings you spiritual reinforcement--like meditation or something. That could be more convincing than "Uh-huh. What? Yeah, whatever" as you snap your fingers or gaze into the middle distance. ;)

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at work and while she's on the phone (like now)... from the total amount of time this is ok, ponly drawback is i tend to listen to the same small fraction of my cds all the time (because i can't keep that much stuff at the office... maybe i should put it all on some sort of usb stick/ mp3 player...)

my girlfriend has her own, rather negative, views about jazz but she just watched a surprisingly good kurt edelhagen concert on tv with me (even though she had wanted to watch something else) an hour ago so i'm not complaining...

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Unless the sex is extraordinary, dump the girl. Not only does she mostly reject music that is very important to you, that whole "needs to talk" thing is a major warning sign of neediness. Lose the girl, keep your testicles. Or vice versa, its your call.

:rofl:

Seriously, i often spin my LP late at night. Everyone's sleeping, the daughter and the girl.

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I have never known a woman who was happy with me ignoring her while I listened to jazz. I don't think it's realistic to think that you can "manage" a wife or girlfriend into letting you listen to jazz. Substitute another leisure activity in the sentence for jazz, and see how it reads.

"I'm not going to talk to you during two to three hours stretches on a regular basis, every week, because it's important for me to look at my gun collection."

"I'm not going to talk to you during two to three hours stretches on a regular basis, every week, because it's important for me to handle my NASCAR collectibles."

"I'm not going to talk to you during two to three hours stretches on a regular basis, every week, because I'm going to play poker often, for high stakes, with those old friends of mine you hate."

Now plug in "listening to jazz" at the end of the sentence. She probably views all four activities as equally unacceptable reasons for ignoring her.

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A funny thread ...

... though no doubt serious to you, Jay (Zanonesdelpueblo), so are my 2c.

Much of what's been said above seems to be true to me.

Of course having both a roommate AND a girlfriend in the same apartment AND having the turntable in the living room is about as bads a starting point as it can be.

IMHO before you consider dumping the girl, dump the roommate. That's a living/apartment setup one outgrows pretty fast in one's life anyway, I'd say. Besides, three's a crowd, you know (kids don't count, of course!).

Right from the time I refurbished our house it was clear from the outset that there would be a separate "music room" (that houses my entire coollection of records and music books as well as that sprinkling of music she owns) which is next to the living room so each one is free to do his/her own thing without intruding unduly onto each other (if you keep down the volume, of course) yet without being too far away from each other (and stepping over into the other room to see what your partner is up to comes quite natural between spells of listening to one's favorite music ;) ).

A for being able to listen to jazz in "her" presence, that nagging about "dissonance" sounds VERY familiar!

I don't think you can "educate" a woman into wholeheartedly embracing jazz if she does not have a certain predisposition from the outset. Jazz is a stylistically far too wide field for that!

In my case, my better half would probably start that rant not at bop or similar jazz styles but a LOT earlier such as some of the more extrovert R&B honkers or JATP blowing or Ben Webster getting into that particular blowing groove that earned him the "Brute" nickname. ;)

But if you want to get her accustomed to jazz being played in her presence (if only as background music to start with), do you have to start off with what's the hardest music to digest for ANYBODY outside the inner jazz circles (just imagine how many of your MALE non-jazz friends and acquantances would be able to stand those "friggin' hard bop/free jazz dissonances" ?? ;))

There's enough music within jazz that should be able to get her started on SOME jazz if carefully carefully selected, e.g. lots of jazz piano trios, e.g. maybe some Erroll Garner or King Cole Trio, and since my better half has an interest in 50s r'n'r (sort of our common musical ground) some Louis Jordan Tympany Five played in the background is not going to chase her out of our music room either.

And it can go beyond that. Yesterday afternoon, when she really was in a cuddling mood she did not object at all to that swing-cum-Condon-style two-beat jazz that came from that CD of 30s George Chisholm recordings that kept spinning for half an hour more. :D :D

So take it easy and act tactically wise and you'll be fine!

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I have never known a woman who was happy with me ignoring her while I listened to jazz. I don't think it's realistic to think that you can "manage" a wife or girlfriend into letting you listen to jazz. Substitute another leisure activity in the sentence for jazz, and see how it reads.

"I'm not going to talk to you during two to three hours stretches on a regular basis, every week, because it's important for me to look at my gun collection."

"I'm not going to talk to you during two to three hours stretches on a regular basis, every week, because it's important for me to handle my NASCAR collectibles."

"I'm not going to talk to you during two to three hours stretches on a regular basis, every week, because I'm going to play poker often, for high stakes, with those old friends of mine you hate."

Now plug in "listening to jazz" at the end of the sentence. She probably views all four activities as equally unacceptable reasons for ignoring her.

This is only a problem if:

a) the girlfriend refuses to allow the boyfriend any time to himself at his own convenience, insisting that his attention to her be constant ("Jane, we've had a great time this weekend! Your suggestions for redecorating the living room were a challenge but I think I did a pretty good job. I'm glad your best friend Judy has decided against suicide--those four hours we spent listening to her talk it out were well-spent. And I was delighted to have you rehearse your part in the amateur theatrical society production for me all morning. I think I'll just relax and listen to a CD now. Can I get you a drink before I put the CD on?" "Joe, you selfish bastard, you only think about yourself! What about my needs?"), or

b) the boyfriend refuses any compromise or flexibility in taking that time to himself ("Joe, I'm so distraught! I think I'm going to be fired from my job, plus my best friend insulted me and said she never wants to see me again, my parents have cancer and I'm pregnant!" "Come on, Jane, I just put on a CD! Give it a rest for once, would ya?")

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Good observation, Tom. No doubt both extremes can happen.

Here is another angle on the "Talk" aspect:

It all depends on what the wimminfolk mean by "talk". I imagine there are enough occasions and reasons to "talk" indeed and if those of the male sex who by definition (of manhod??) don't fancy any talk at all then those representatives of the male species will be in for some real trouble. After all being able to listen and talk is not a sign of not "not being man enough" (there ARE men who think talking and listening is incompatible with being "man enough" and "taking care of business", you know ... though I am not so sure how many of them are in the jazz fraternity ;)). So if she wants to talk, how about taking things in your own hands in the way the "talk" is run? Talking for the sake of talking isn't it, really. Make her understand talking and listening to what she's got on her mind is fine with you, but if it's about controversial topics or problems she wants to bring up, then fine too, but then it's going to be about an exchange of ARGUMENTS and pros and cons and well-founded reasoning (!!) and arriving at conclusions and solutions, not just about listening to talk because somebody wants to rant and get something off his (her?) chest (that's necessary sometimes too but from a certain point things GOT to advance beyond that stage unless you want to be caught in an endless loop). And then you'll see how she will be able to play THAT game. ;) Don't let ALL the rules of "talking" be dictated by her! ;)

Edited by Big Beat Steve
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Tom, I don't think we're talking about ignoring the S.O. while someone listens to jazz, unless you mean actually listening to jazz and concentrating (or trying to) while she is blathering away about her suicidal friend, community theater role, and impending termination at work. (I realize that is part of Jay's problem due to the location of the TT).

But if the relationship is a healthy one, each of those conversations should make perfect sense, if you simply change the ones about NASCAR and guns to something more realistic to the collector's gene:

I am going to spend the next two hours (shopping or looking online) for that NASCAR collectible (gun) that I've been looking for.

Any woman who cares about the happiness of her boyfriend or husband ought to damn well know that they are entitled to time for themselves, and if they don't share their enthusiasms, then they better damn well get used to it or hit the bricks.

Or their better be extra special benefits, like that extraordinary sex mentioned previously.

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NASCAR collectibles, gun collection, poker, jazz, it doesn't make any difference what it is. If, as you say, the relationship is healthy, then each party respects the other. I get to talk and be listened to on a regular basis, you get to do your thing on a regular basis; I listen to you when you need to be heard, I get to go off with my pals when I need to reinforce those bonds and let off some steam. Etc. etc.

And when you're in a situation where one party feels he or she is not being respected--shit, can't I ever listen to my CDs in peace?; damn you, you only pay attention to me when it suits you--then either it can be fixed through sincere negotiation, or it can't, and you part ways. But it's important not to assume from the beginning of such conflicts that one is blameless. Usually there's a certain amount of cluelessness on both sides.

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... Or their better be extra special benefits, like that extraordinary sex mentioned previously.

I'm getting the idea that if zanonesdelpueblo can simply talk S.O. into a series of extraordinary sexual gymnastics, problem solved! Jazz .... :crazy: ... what jazz?

Edited by papsrus
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Walter Kolosky- GIRLS DON'T LIKE REAL JAZZ

This book contains a chapter in which Kolosky argues that at the beginning of a relationship, many women will tell you that they like jazz, but they really don't. Or they don't understand what it means to "like jazz" the way that members of this board "like jazz".

The book is somewhat tongue in cheek, but I think he makes a good point. I have known women who liked jazz when I played a little Ella or Bill Evans, but when they realized that I actually intended to play LOTS of jazz ALL THE TIME, and that some of it was dissonant, they rebelled.

I agree that it is unrealistic to think that you can convert any woman, or man, into listening to avant garde jazz or dissonant post-bop, if they do not have a predisposition to it already. In much the same way, I would not want to be "converted" to death metal by a well meaning friend.

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i think my girlfriend actually likes jazz more than she said initially... it's just, she has a problem when brass instruments appear, when guitars are not played properly (notably includes playing single note lines), or when a notable coltrane influence is present (like in woody shaw's music)... but we actually agree on many things (like if you give her a hank mobley, a pat metheny and a norah jones album she will certainly say the mobley is the only decent one while the other too are pretty creepy)

Edited by Niko
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