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Hands are the Devil's tools. Do you not remember the Biblical admonition not to let your left hand know what your right hand is doing? How can children hold hands without using the left? Answer me that!

Also, gay sex in a bathroom stall doesn't count if you are a Republican member of Congress....

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I thought this was going to be the best line in the article:

"I teach my child the power of abstinence," said Glover, whose complaint spurred the drafting of the legislation. "When you start bringing sex toys in, at a point you're stimulating the kids to have sex."

But then I read this one:

Student Josiah Pegues, 14, of Nashville said he's already made up his mind about sex — for now, at least.

"It's best to abstain," said the ninth-grader who aspires to be an FBI agent.

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Student Josiah Pegues, 14, of Nashville said he's already made up his mind about sex — for now, at least.

"It's best to abstain," said the ninth-grader who aspires to be an FBI agent.

Hookers the world over are breathing a sigh of relief. They need more FBI agents that think this way.

Now if they can convince the Secret Service...

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