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Now them's SQUIRTIN' WORDS !! I don't see The Groper takin' that kinda shit from a woman he's yet to penetrate. Patty is proving my long standing theory that, BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN THERE'S A WOMAN....TELLIN' HIM HE'S WRONG!!! Even Ol' Ben Franklin had to put up with this sort of shit. One day he was out flyin' his kite tryin' to discover electricity when his o'l lady stuck her head out of an upstairs window and yelled down, "Benjamin, you'll never get that thing up without a piece of tail", to which he muttered, "Listen to this bitch, last night I asked her for a piece of tail and she told me TO GO FLY A FUCKIN' KITE!!" I have a gut feeling that The Groper is gonna unload on Patty and tell it like it is. He hasn't survived 5 marriages to sit around and take abuse from a chickie who has yet to get laid in the new millenium. Over to THE GROPER !!! DEEP

Oh Christ, there's God Awful Squawk!! He's givin' you good advise, Patty. There is no question about it..."You are FAR better then (sic) that". And so the migration begins. When can we expect DISCO and his disciples? DEEP

Did The Groper say he's been married *FIVE TIMES* and is currently single?? I'd say he's probably not much of an authority on marriage but he sure the fuck must be pretty up to code on DIVORCE !! I'd be willing to drive wherever The Groper is if I could watch him and Patty doin' THE NASTY !! DEEP

CAREFUL WARNING! This is the kind of lingo that gets DEEP all randy. Keep your speech pure as the driven Manitoba snow, Patty. conn, (a linguist), You're onto something there. I know Patty is pure as the driven snow but hope the fuck she's capable of drifting a little. I am aroused thinking about what is the enevitable................... .....The Groper and Patty spending a weekend in that log cabin dressed in scuba gear, eating out of dog dishes...WhoooOOOOEEEEEEEE !! GO FOR IT *THE GROPER* !! DEEP

CAREFUL WARNING! This is the kind of lingo that gets DEEP all randy. Keep your speech pure as the driven Manitoba snow, Patty.

Matchmaking is one thing, Patty; doing my utmost to prevent you from falling into the soiled and twisted clutches of DEEP is another. Don't be fooled by GROPE's plaid shirts and all his talk of sexual quiescence. I bet he's a real tiger! And don't think I don't appreciate it. However, I could never be with an ugly plaid-shirted, baseball-capped man who has no style, no matter what tiger-like, boudoirian prowess he may possess. I regret my shallowness, but there it is. Now you've done it, GROPE. You've not only managed to piss off all the board lefties with your political comments, but now you've comprehensively alienated Patty as well. Regarding those plaid shirts of yours: take a trip to Walmart and UPGRADE!

BTW, Patty, I am much more familiar with Maugham than I am with Williams. Maugham showed particular talent in characterizing snooty Colonial women. Damn, he was good at it. I don't think that his women were representative of all women, just those of a certain class and mindset. Saki was also talented at describing females of the same class. Very funny and dry.

Matchmaking is one thing, Patty; doing my utmost to prevent you from falling into the soiled and twisted clutches of DEEP is another. Don't be fooled by GROPE's plaid shirts and all his talk of sexual quiescence. I bet he's a real tiger! And don't think I don't appreciate your chivalry.. However, I could never be with an ugly plaid-shirted, baseball-capped man who has no style, no matter what tiger-like, boudoirian prowess he may possess. I regret my shallowness, but there it is.

Matchmaking is one thing, Patty; doing my utmost to prevent you from falling into the soiled and twisted clutches of DEEP is another. Don't be fooled by GROPE's plaid shirts and all his talk of sexual quiescence. I bet he's a real tiger!

So you feel that there's a similarity in the way these authors portray women and it's likely because they were homosexual? Hmm, interesting theory. Maybe they were very accurate observors as are many authors. I guess I just never considered that angle before, Patty. BTW, if I could offer some friendly advice: Choose GROPE! B) Just stop the match-making, or I'll laugh on the front of your shirt too. Yes, I do feel that the authors I mentioned's characterization of women is unique to them, because of the authors being gay. It's not a criticism. They were also, as you say, accurate observors of human nature, but in a peculiar way, IMO. Both Maughams as well as Williams, to a lesser degree are favourite authors. Read them again, any one of them and see if you can see what I do. However, the last thing I want is somebody who explains literary references to me as if I were a child. Introducing me to favourite books is one thing. Treating me as though I were illiterate is another. Nothing which has been said on this thread, so far, no matter how purile, is more insulting than that.

So you feel that there's a similarity in the way these authors portray women and it's likely because they were homosexual? Hmm, interesting theory. Maybe they were very accurate observors as are many authors. I guess I just never considered that angle before, Patty. BTW, if I could offer some friendly advice: Choose GROPE! B)

The Groper and Patty, Don't you think it's time for phone (or foam) sex....or maybe it's... ...MOTEL TIME!!! DEEP

THAT'S more like it, Patty--I love when the claws come out. I especially liked the (gay) Tennessee Williams innuendo. But how could you have possibly known I favor ugly plaid shirts? Is that the telltale sign of PHILISTINISM? Then I plead GUILTY AS CHARGED! Whip me, beat me, chain me, but RESPECT ME! Just don't try to deny your own prurient interest in this thread--THAT'S what I mean by disingenuous. In Lock-Step Behind a Smirking Simpleton But With Happy Feet While Suffering Hillary-Pillory, The Groper

What's it gonna be, Patty--TOUGH GUY or DELICATE BLOSSOM? You remind me of that classic COQUETTE (reputed woman of easy virtue), BLANCHE DUBOIS: "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." Get back to your disingenuous SPINDOCTORING!

The Groper, I think it would most likely take THE JAWS OF LIFE to unclench Christiern's or Patty's keester. I can't help but wonder how long it's been since either of them has done "THE NASTY" with....A PARTNER!! DEEP

DEEP: I think any rational, objective adult can see that PATTY has an innate natural FLOW with which she should GO. She just needs encouragement to GRASP THE OLIVE BRANCH. I see now that your gift to her is of a therapeutic nature. Pity that poor Christiern can't see the wisdom in REACHING OUT. You are truly a misunderstood humanitarian.

I guess that after 1240 posts our boy CHRISTIERN has no intention of UNCLENCHING *HIS* KEESTER. B-3, How 'bout changing the thread title to: PATTY, Time to unclench your keester. I can see her pursed lips glaring at the screen, but in Patty's case, I believe there is still some hope. DEEP

Patty (pooper), You can bet your ass (the one you WISH you had) that more than a few "seventh grade" kids slept with Madame LePALM the night of the superbowl. If you won't post any DOOKEY shots will you at least BLOW US--------------->------ -------------->----------------------->---------------------------------------------->--- ----------------------->--------------------------------->-------------------------------- ---------------------------->------------------------------------>------------------- ----------------------------------------->-------------------------------->---------- ---------------------------->------------------------------->----------------------- ----------------------------------------->--------------------------------------------- -------------------->------------------------------------------>---------------------- ------------------- A KISS ???? DEEP

In the words of that great humanitarian, Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?" (AND SEE PATTY NAKED??) {Parenthesis my add}. After all, if Janet Jackson can show titty during a superbowl halftime show, Patty should have no compunction in displaying a still photo of some DOOKY at ORGANissimo should she?? I see God Awful Squawk (Goodspeak) has joined the party. I suppose we can expect Disco and the rest of the WOD (Webmistress of Death) Wretches to follow in his wake any time now. OH GOODY, GARY DISCO AND BLATHERSKITE, AND THE WIDOW BISHOP...WHAT A HAPPY REUNION OF *LOSERS* !! DEEP

Aw shucks, Patty--I thought I WAS being interesting--perceptive and entertaining even. Obviously I've hit a nerve. I tell you what--let's take a poll. All other posters vote yea or nay on the question: Were Patty's posts on masturbatory devices HOT, and does she seem to have a strange attraction to DEEP's repulsive vulgarities? I am totally disinterested--in hibernation reconfirmed--in no way possessive (that was DEEP) All I care about is TRUTH, JUSTICE AND THE CANADIAN WAY!

Patty, You've got to believe me when I say that I am just trying to LIBERATE you--from DEEP, who attracts you like the flame to your moth; from your COY act, during which you pretend to "educate" us voyeurs in the history of masturbatory devices while denying ever having employed same; and from your pseudo-sophisticated take on politics, art, life, etc. You ARE fourteen years old, sucking on a popsicle because you're afraid to suck on the REAL THING. Cyberspace is your 21st century version of "the vapors." You've got potential, kid--give us something to really curl our mukluks! ...And (not to disappoint) a word on behalf of THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD: IF The Emperor has no clothes, ALL THE BETTER TO SEE HIS BALLS!

THE GROPER, I figured you'd want to know how things went with Dr. Rooter this morning. Let me put it to you this way....Dr. Rooter is quite a fisherman during his leisure hours but man, when this cat saw my ROD.. ......HE REELED !! He was so impressed he advised against the stunting procedure. To be perfectly truthful, living life with this Albatross between my thighs can be a little uncomfortable but.... it could make PATTY feel like she's FOURTEEN AGAIN...WhhooooooooOOOEEEEEEEEE !!! DEEP (REAL DEEP)

Excuse me, The Groper, (while I step over Gary's purile post) but what could be the harm in inviting Patty to come by and view your etchings. It might palliate her *ITCHINGS*. (That tight sweater...you know). I think you and Patty would make perfect strangers and that's why I've introduced her to you. It's high time you made it with a PERFECT STRANGER!! DEEP GROPER, I'm somewhat hurt to have my observations about your President being classified as "Ignorant Canadian Rants". The Emperor has no clothes, GROPER. Don't just read the American press. As for the personal massager details I posted, it wasn't an inventory of my possessions, but merely an explanation of what is, or has been available to those who wish to know about such things. I seek only to inform. Also, I am indeed of slight stature, but I have inner ferocity and resent being "given" to anyone. So I say to our thread originator, nobody owns me and only that which is yours can ever be given away. And I own no tight sweaters, dog sleds or snowmobiles. I don't live in an igloo either. I must admit though, I did feel a slight burst of pride at being described as a "Perfect Stranger". Nobody has ever thought I was a perfect anthing before. Thank you for the lop-sided compliment.

Too bad Janet went with the starburst instead of this one: B) Will have to refer all these questions to Patty on the DEEP thread. She is likely to be more than willing to inform us about any and all erotica!

Excuse me, The Groper, (while I step over Gary's purile post) but what could be the harm in inviting Patty to come by and view your etchings. It might palliate her *ITCHINGS*. (That tight sweater...you know). I think you and Patty would make perfect strangers and that's why I've introduced her to you. It's high time you made it with a PERFECT STRANGER!! DEEP