spouse or significant other "code words"

[Tim McG]

I know that "Do what you think is right" has an unspoken addition that goes something along the lines of "and if it isn't what I think is right, I'll make your life a living hell."

Boy howdy.

I have been run over by that welcome wagon more than once

[Tim McG]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

* 40-ish..................................49.

* Adventurous.............................Slept with everyone.

* Athletic................................No breasts.

* Average looking.........................Moooo.

* Beautiful...............................Pathological liar.

* Emotionally Secure......................On medication.

* Feminine................................Fat.

* Free Spirit.............................Junkie.

* Friendship first........................Former Slut.

* New-Age.................................Body hair in the wrong places.

* Old-fashioned...........................No B.J.'s

* Open-minded.............................Desperate.

* Outgoing................................Loud and embarrassing.

* Professional............................Bitch.

* Voluptuous..............................Very fat.

* Large frame.............................Hugely fat.

* Wants soul mate.........................Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

* Yes.....................................No

* No......................................Yes

* Maybe...................................No

* We need.................................I want

* I am sorry..............................You'll be sorry

* We need to talk.........................You're in trouble

* Sure, go ahead..........................You better not

* Do what you want........................You will pay for this later

* I am not upset..........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!

* You're attentive tonight................Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

* I am hungry.............................I am hungry

* I am sleepy.............................I am sleepy

* I am tired..............................I am tired

* Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!

* I love you..............................Let's have sex now

* I am bored..............................Do you want to have sex?

* May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.

* Can I call you sometime?................I'd like to have sex with you.

* Do you want to go to a movie?...........I'd like to have sex with you.

* Can I take you out to dinner? ...........I'd like to have sex with you.

* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit.......I'm gay

[BruceH]

[Jazzmoose]

Certainly, nothing can fill a man with dread more than the four words "we need to talk".