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Charlie Sheen quotes set to New Yorker cartoons


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  • 5 months later...

A week from tomorrow Comedy Central will air their Charlie Sheen roast, which took place last night.

Comedian Jon Lovitz also took a timely swipe at Sheen: "How much (cocaine) can Charlie Sheen do?" he asked. "Enough to kill two and a half men."

Priceline pitchman Shatner reminded Sheen to "book your next rehab stay through Priceline.com."

Walsh, who is best known for her roles on "Grey's Anatomy" and "Private Practice," gave standup a shot at the roast. "It's amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you've had removed is your kids," she said to Sheen.

The most bizarre performer was Tyson, who got plenty of laughs despite his almost unintelligible delivery. "I'm the greatest poet alive," he said as he concluded his time on stage. "I will eat your children!"

Comedian Amy Schumer joked, "Is his interpreter here?"

Sounds like Sheen had the better writers though:

"It's true I've hung around with a lot of shady people over the years: Losers, drug addicts, dealers, desperate whores," he said. "But to have you all here on one night is really special."

"It was only when the smoke cleared I realized just how lucky I am, because even after all that, I still have a family that loves me. That's why they're not here tonight," he continued. "They've seen me in jail. They've seen me rushed to emergency rooms. They've seen me dragged into court. But seeing me on basic cable would kill them."

Entire AP report here.

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