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Larry Kart

jazz joke

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Borrowed and slightly modified from another site:

Two East Coast-based musicians are traveling to their next gig in Chicago in separate cars. First musician gets to the club and is told that his buddy has died tragically on a bridge in Indiana. First musician says: "There is no bridge in 'Indiana.'"

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not jazz, but...

General Custer and his aide were in the fort.

The aide says, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums."

From over in the hills they hear a voice yell,

"He's not our regular drummer."

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Kenny G walks into an elevator and says, "Man, this place is HAPPENING!"

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not jazz, but...

General Custer and his aide were in the fort.

The aide says, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums."

From over in the hills they hear a voice yell,

"He's not our regular drummer."

A variant:

Custer: "Those drums, those incessant drums -- they're driving me mad!"

Indian scout: "Trouble come only when drums stop."

Custer: "Good Lord -- what happens then?"

Scout: "Bass solo."

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A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a songbird.

As she is walking around, she hears a bird singing beautifully and, as if in

a trance, she follows the sound. There in a cage is a cheerful songbird

happily singing her little heart out.

A sign beneath the cage reads, "One thousand dollars for the pair." She

looks deeper into the cage and way back she sees this other haggard bird

with its head down, shaking it from left to right.

The clerk came over and the woman asked "How much for just the songbird?"

"I'm sorry. You'll have to buy the pair," says the clerk.

The woman says, "But that other bird is so haggard and looks so depressed,

and he's hanging his head and shaking it back and forth. This bird is so

happy and singing beautifully. Why do I have to buy that other bird?"

The clerk replies, "Because he's the arranger!"

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Borrowed and slightly modified from another site:

Two East Coast-based musicians are traveling to their next gig in Chicago in separate cars. First musician gets to the club and is told that his buddy has died tragically on a bridge in Indiana. First musician says: "There is no bridge in 'Indiana.'"

There's a similar joke about a cat who develops a mental block about the bridge to "Over The Rainbow", continuously blanks on it on gigs, gets distraught, runs out of the club, throws himself in front of a speeding car, and in his final seconds of life hears the ambulance's "DEE dah DEE dah DEE dah...".

Quite funny actually, if told right, but almost impossible to replicate in print.

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not jazz, but...

General Custer and his aide were in the fort.

The aide says, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums."

From over in the hills they hear a voice yell,

"He's not our regular drummer."

A variant:

Custer: "Those drums, those incessant drums -- they're driving me mad!"

Indian scout: "Trouble come only when drums stop."

Custer: "Good Lord -- what happens then?"

Scout: "Bass solo."

:lol:

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Borrowed and slightly modified from another site:

Two East Coast-based musicians are traveling to their next gig in Chicago in separate cars. First musician gets to the club and is told that his buddy has died tragically on a bridge in Indiana. First musician says: "There is no bridge in 'Indiana.'"

There's a similar joke about a cat who develops a mental block about the bridge to "Over The Rainbow", continuously blanks on it on gigs, gets distraught, runs out of the club, throws himself in front of a speeding car, and in his final seconds of life hears the ambulance's "DEE dah DEE dah DEE dah...".

Quite funny actually, if told right, but almost impossible to replicate in print.

My grandfather (a jazz violinst) used to tell that joke about a saxophone player who is practicing in his tenth floor New York apartment. When he can't remember the bridge to "Over the Rainbow", he throws his sax out the window while it's still around his neck, so he goes with it. As he lies there on the sidewalk, he hears the ambulance's "Dah dee dah dee dah dee dah dee..." and murmers "That's it!"

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What's the difference between blues and jazz music?

Blues is 3 chords played in front of 3,000 people. Jazz is 3,000 chords played in front of 3 people.

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What's the difference between blues and jazz music?

Blues is 3 chords played in front of 3,000 people. Jazz is 3,000 chords played in front of 3 people.

If you read the current blues musician's threads on Blindman's Blues Forum, the joke should now read:

Blues is 3 chords played in front of 30 people. Jazz is 30 chords played in front of 3 people.

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How do you get to be a millionaire playing jazz?

Start with two million.

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