Jazz jokes

[K1969]

I've always found there's a certain strand of acidic wit amongst jazz musicians and the jazz club fraternity. Ronnie Scott had a great line in black humour. I'd love it if anyone can remember any of his gags - or any one elses. The only one I can recall it this (not bad but not one of his best I'm sure)

Father: "Hey son do you want to become a musician like your Dad?"

Son: "Yeah, when i grow up I want to be a drummer"

Dad "You can't do both son"

[JSngry]

John Coltrane shows up at heaven' gates, where he is greeted by Lester Young - who extends a hand of freindship, shows a wearied but welcoming smile, and says knowingly in a voice that is more weary than it is tired, "You too, eh?"

[Big Al]

I'm so proud of this one, 'cause I thought of it myself (Sangry & Jim R can go right ahead and skip this post, cuz I've already tortured them with it):

I've been teaching the first graders at my church's Vacation Bible School this week (yeah, I know; I had to go with a group with whose maturity level I almost matched).

The Bible story for the first day was of baby Moses being placed in a basket on the river. Me & my kids were sitting listening to the story, when it gets to the part of the story where Miriam, Moses' sister, hides Moses among the reeds.

I raised my hand to ask a question. The teacher, a dear friend of mine who is about 15 years younger than me (I'm 37), someone who should know better because I've been heckling him nonstop, calls on me.

I ask, "Does anyone know why Miriam hid Moses in the reeds?"

"No, Al; why did Miriam hide Moses in the reeds?"

"Because she couldn't trust the brass section!"

He still isn't speaking to me! It doesn't help that he's a music major in college right now!

Edited June 9, 2007 by Big Al

[sidewinder]

Ronnie Scott had a great line in black humour. I'd love it if anyone can remember any of his gags - or any one elses.

Sat through evenings of his one-liners. Always the same stuff but delivered in impeccable style.

"At the Club next week we have Joe Henderson" (room goes silent all of a sudden). "That's Joe "Piano" Henderson"..

and in a similar vein:

"Next week at the club we have MILES..." (huge gasps of awe and shock, people spilling their drinks etc - it was 1979).

"Sir Bernard Miles".

and one of his perenial favourites-

"Why don't all you people sitting in the front row hold hands to see if you can contact the living".

Edited June 9, 2007 by sidewinder

[K1969]

Ronnie Scott had a great line in black humour. I'd love it if anyone can remember any of his gags - or any one elses.

Sat through evenings of his one-liners. Always the same stuff but delivered in impeccable style.

"At the Club next week we have Joe Henderson" (room goes silent all of a sudden). "That's Joe "Piano" Henderson"..

and in a similar vein:

"Next week at the club we have MILES..." (huge gasps of awe and shock, people spilling their drinks etc - it was 1979).

"Sir Bernard Miles".

and one of his perenial favourites-

"Why don't all you people sitting in the front row hold hands to see if you can contact the living".

thanks. You've jogged my memory. Here he was joking about hard times when audience numbers were down.

Woman rings up Ronnie Scott's club on a rainy Tuesday night in march.

"Hello?"

"er is this Ronnie Scott's?"

"YES!! Ronnie here!"

"Oh, how honoured"

"Don't mention it. What can I do for you?"

"I don't suppose you have a table for 2 left for tonight? - it's surprise for my husband'

"er (looking round the deserted hall), I think we can squeeze you in, near the band too"

"Oh Wonderful!! And what'll the band be playing?"

"er, solo saxophone..very intimate."

"Charming and what time does it start"

"What time you arriving?"

[sidewinder]

thanks. You've jogged my memory. Here he was joking about hard times when audience numbers were down.

Woman rings up Ronnie Scott's club on a rainy Tuesday night in march.

"Hello?"

"er is this Ronnie Scott's?"

"YES!! Ronnie here!"

"Oh, how honoured"

"Don't mention it. What can I do for you?"

"I don't suppose you have a table for 2 left for tonight? - it's surprise for my husband'

"er (looking round the deserted hall), I think we can squeeze you in, near the band too"

"Oh Wonderful!! And what'll the band be playing?"

"er, solo saxophone..very intimate."

"Charming and what time does it start"

"What time you arriving?"

Wasn't unusual for him to take bookings personally and fill out the reservations. Happened to me a few times but I never got any jokes !