I was cleaning out an old email account and came across these:
Jazz Musicians' Haiku
Money's everything
Playing any gig that comes
Whores, we are all whores
Squeaking and squawking
All eyes roll to the heavens
The clarinet speaks
One beat to change from
Harmon to cup to bucket
Hey, who wrote this crap?
Here comes the high note
The lead trumpeter puckers
Clam, clam, Fuck!, clam, Shit!
The jam session starts
Somebody calls "Giant Steps"
Cold fear grips my brain
Here's the girl singer
Stepping to the microphone
Pitch, Time, All gone now
Gig is going well
Asshole requests "Stevie Ray!"
I look at my watch
I once had a dream
Big house, new car, big money
Now I play the bass
Gorgeous chick tells me
"You sound just like Kenny G"
Quitting music now
Three-eight, eleven-eight
Fuck you Andrew Lloyd Webber
Five-eight, seven-eight
The woodwind doubler
Practicing the piccolo
(Neighbor calls the cops)
Trane, Prez, Bird, Brecker
Giants of the saxophone
Eat shit Kenny G
Pit orchestra gig
Days and nights become as one
I have no damned life
Bad intonation
Strings are sharp and reeds are flat
Brass too loud again
Great changes, good groove
A one-in-a-million gig
No singer. Yippee!
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