tatifan Posted October 15, 2006 Report Share Posted October 15, 2006 A band at a Mafia wedding decided to take requests. Nunzio walks up and asks "Uh, do youse guys know da song "Strangers in da Night"? The band leader says, "Sure we know that one." Nunzio says "Hey! dat's great! But I got just one favor - could youse play it in 5/4 time?" "Isn't it played in 4/4 time?" the band leader asked. "Yeah, but dis here's a special occasion, know whut I mean?" The band discusses amongst themselves, till the leader turns and says "I don't think we'll have any problems." Nunzio turns and yells out "Hey Uncle Vinnie! C'mon up here and sing!" Uncle Vinnie walks up to the mike as the band begins the intro, and then starts to sing... "Strangers in da f------' night..." That's funny, I heard this exact joke, but the tune was "Fly Me to the f___ing moon"!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slide_advantage_redoux Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 How many free jazz players does it take to change a light bulb? None. They don't do changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalupa Posted October 22, 2006 Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four. -------------------------- How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? Take the Domino's sign off the roof. ------------------------ What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead skunk in the road? The skunk was on his way to a gig. OR.. There are skidmarks in front of the skunk. ------------------------- What do you say to a drummer in a suit? Will the defendant please rise. ------------------------ What do call a successful musician? A guy whose wife/girlfriend has 2 jobs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted October 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 ------------------------ What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead skunk in the road? The skunk was on his way to a gig. ------------------------- Frog, not skunk. On Saturday night no less. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free For All Posted October 22, 2006 Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 ------------------------ What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead skunk in the road? The skunk was on his way to a gig. ------------------------- Frog, not skunk. On Saturday night no less. I'll have you know I did in fact have a gig last night. Almost hit a skunk on the way there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted October 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 I too had a gig last night. There was no trombonist there, but this morning on Top Chef they were cooking frog legs. Lots of frog legs. Coincidence? I think not! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harold_Z Posted October 22, 2006 Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 I too had a gig last night. Again...No trombonist but the restaurant served frogs legs. Do I sense a trend here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted October 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 Yeah - trombonists are getting out of the music business & into the frog hunting business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harold_Z Posted October 22, 2006 Report Share Posted October 22, 2006 Maybe they should get into the business of selling aspirins to hungover musicians on Sunday mornings. (rim shot) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flat5 Posted November 10, 2006 Report Share Posted November 10, 2006 Joke from Scoop (2006) Woody Allen's character walks into a music room and picks up a french horn. He says "This reminds me of an old dirty joke about the french horn player who could only sleep one way with his wife". It took me a second but a day later I still find it very funny. The movie has a few good lines :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B. Clugston Posted November 11, 2006 Report Share Posted November 11, 2006 What's got nine arms and sucks? Def Leppard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slide_advantage_redoux Posted November 12, 2006 Report Share Posted November 12, 2006 My aps if this one has already been posted. A self absorbed jazz tenor player (I'm sorry, is that redundant?) is leaning against the wall after his jazz gig when a stunning blonde walks up and starts to talk to him. "I was so touched by your playing earlier tonight! Something you played has affected me in a way no one has ever has. I don't usually say things like this, but I want to take you home and make passionate love to you all night long!" To which the tenor player responds - with a curious studied look on his face: "Was that the first or second set?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted November 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2006 They key there is that the jazz tenor player actually had a gig... (JUST KIDDING!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcello Posted November 12, 2006 Report Share Posted November 12, 2006 My aps if this one has already been posted. A self absorbed jazz tenor player (I'm sorry, is that redundant?) is leaning against the wall after his jazz gig when a stunning blonde walks up and starts to talk to him. "I was so touched by your playing earlier tonight! Something you played has affected me in a way no one has ever has. I don't usually say things like this, but I want to take you home and make passionate love to you all night long!" To which the tenor player responds - with a curious studied look on his face: "Was that the first or second set?" That's funny because more than once, I've seen something pretty close to that happen. One time I was sitting with a well known pianist when a very sexy woman came to the table, sat down, leaned into the pianist and said "That was the most fantastc music I've ever heard." Then she paused, took his hand ( leaning in even closer) and looked into his eyes and said" That was better than sex!". The was another pause and a actual stare down while her perfume filled the air and she was almost moaning, until the pianist said, " Exactly what part did you really like so much?". She was snapped out of her spell and left the table and the club. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe G Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 From guitarist Sanjay Mishra: The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest  and closes the bar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theo Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Kinda deep for a guy like me who plays a one string guitar, but funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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