Jim, sorry it has taken me so long to post here, a little bit of selfishness is involved, as the whole association of this thread is very painful for me - suffice for me to say that I feel for what you are going through, though I will say, and I hope it helps, that you are especially lucky for the fact that he got to know your kids. I think you'll find that, especially for them, the association will be quite lasting and meaningful; both of my parents died, let us just say, of "un-natural" causes and neither really knew my kids, and this has remained a deep and lasting regret. True to the old cliche, time does heal the wound significantly. And to grab another (probably un-helpful cliche) it is part of that inevitable cycle of life. I always try to put myself in the place of the deceased, and if you do this you ll probably see that he understood and appreciated you and would have wanted you to be at peace with both his life and your own -