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jacman
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Posts posted by jacman
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the other 2 clips were a hoot as well.
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i wanna know if AB owns the Country Church LP, or found it on the web.
scroll to the bottom. the rest of these covers are frightening too.
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The First Amish Mullet
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOO YOOOU!!! 
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i understand several of the previously mentioned companies have gotten together and started one company called:
REMSCHETTE.
They will be introducing a new blade made from a previously unknown metal taken from a large Meteorite. It has 5 blades, each blade is angled differently than the one before giving the user a better shave with only one stroke. Each blade will last approx. 6 months (for the average user, shaving 6 days a week).
Suggested MRP, will be $49.99.
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Blonde Medical Terminology
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Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small table
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
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Four Jewish brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an S600 with a chauffeur."
The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Torah and you know she can't read it anymore because she can't see very well. I met this Rabbi who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the temple, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes...and the driver you hired is a Nazi. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Menachim, you give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
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Can anyone help me with this software problem?
Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I’d used for years without any problems.
However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1.
Successive versions of Girlfriend have proved no better.
A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1 had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all my hardware.
Sensing a way out, I upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover that this product has to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. I did this largely because, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources, it does come bundled with Freesex Plus and Cleanhouse 2000.
However, I discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run.
For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0’s memory and could not be deleted, they then re-surfaced months later.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail porn filter, and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip. These latter products have no help files and require you to try and guess the problem yourself.
Additional costly problems are that the Wife 1.0 bundle, that came with the original system, needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser Pro for new attachments and Hairstyle Express needs to be re-installed every other week. It also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation.
When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Nova Programme, it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to try Mistress 2000, but there could be problems. If Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it will delete all MS money files before un-installing itself. Any ideas?
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dang, i shoulda checked there first, sorry bro moose.
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i took my kids (11 & 4 years old) to see the movie. i thought i'd be bored, but i enjoyed it as much as my kids did.
so who's selling it the cheapest? Wal-Mart? Costco? :cheapskate:
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i'm kinda tired of all these dead white guys on our coins and bills. dull dull dull.
let's have some new blood, man.
$1-Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock
$5-Robert Johnson
$10-Miles (Round About Midnight cover shot)
$20-Monk
$50-Mingus
$100-Pops
etc
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Beano! Yech - sounds like liquid smoke or some such.
nope, it has no taste and adds no flavor to the food. here's a link to their site:
it works for some, i guess it doesn't work on Moose.
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BTW KW, a few drops of Beano will proly do the trick.
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i smell your pain. i made hummus again, lotsa garlic...my family shuns me.
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011001110111001001100101011001010111010001101001011011100110011101110011001000000111010001101111001000000110000101101100011011000010000001101101011110010010000001100010011100100110111101110100011010000110010101110010011100110010000001100001011011100110010000100000011100110110100101110011011101000110010101110010011100110010000001101111011001100010000001110100011010000110010100100000011100000110110001100001011011100110010101110100001000000100010101100001011100100111010001101000001011100010000000100000
the translator may be found HERE
011000010111001100100000011100110110010101100101011011100010000001101111011011100010000001010100010101100010110000100000011101110110100001100001011101000010000001100001001000000110100001101111011011110111010000101110
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this really helps.
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stuff like this is so subjective, i mean why do i prefer Dexter Gordon to John Coltrane.
just to weigh in, i really like her.
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Then why are you called "jacman?"
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fake boobs, no hips, and hairless nether regions don't do anything for me. i prefer women who look real, not like Barbie.
anyone who would prefer cyber-sex to the real deal has issues.
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in the past, i would slip a $5 or $10 bill into a couple of little kids' bag.
i forgot this year.
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i pulled the link from a cigar BB that i frequent. i read the responses there before looking at the site, so i assumed that it was real. after reading for a while, i knew it had to be satire. i hope.
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this was our first Halloween in this neighborhood (we moved here 1-03). there are quite a few kids, so i expected alot of trick-or-treaters.
alot was an understatement. i went thru 4 huge bags of candy before shutting down at 8pm!
i sat outside for the last hour and smoked a cigar while handing out candy.
an interesting observation from my porch: car/van loads of kids (not from our neighborhood) being dropped off and picked up. these same children were quite rude and few said trick-or-treat, happy halloween or thank you unless prodded or reminded (from a parent or adult)
Amusing eBay listings
in Miscellaneous - Non-Political
Posted
It's Great To Be Straight
PH.D from Harvard?
NOT funny for the kangaroo