Tim McG

The average American will travel 100 miles this holiday season, except the Detroit Lions... They can't even go ten yards.

Pssh. We Niners fans should be so lucky. Count your blessings, Stefan.

Take heart Niners fans....it could be worse: We could be Lions fans: Q.Why do the Detroit Lions want a clone? A.So they would have somebody they could beat. Q. How do the Detroit Lions count to 10? A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10 Q. What do the Detroit Lions & Billy Graham have in common? A. They both can make 60,000 people stand up & yell "Jesus Christ" ! Q.What do a stolen car and the Lions have in common? A.No Title. Q. How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard? A. Put up goal posts Q. Why did the Lion fan want to shoot a lion on safari? A. Because it would be the only Lion Trophy he would ever see. Q. What's the difference between the Detroit Lions & the Taliban? A. The Taliban have a running game. Q. Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado? A. To Ford Field - they never get a touchdown there! Q. How many people does it take to change a lightbulb at Ford Field? A. Three. One to change it and two to talk about how good the old one was.! Q. Why are the Lions like a tampon? A. They are only good for one period and have no second string. Q. What do you call a Detroit Lion with a SuperBowl ring? A. A thief Q. Why doesn't Flint have a professional football team? A. Because then Detroit would want one Q. Why was the coach upset when the Detroit Lions playbook was stolen? A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it. Q. Why did Rodney King want to play for the Lions? A. Because they don't beat anybody. Q. What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill? A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar Q. What's the first thing Lions fans will hear when the Lions win the Super Bowl? A. Their Alarm Clocks Q. How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Superbowl? A. Nobody knows. Q. What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the SuperBowl? A. The Detroit Lions Q. What do the Detroit Lions and possums have in common? A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road Q. How can you tell when the Detroit Lions are going to run the football? A. The back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.

OK. It's official: Niners suck. Grrrrr

I guess I'll get it going. What are the big topics of this year's Hot Stove? Take it away, Guys!

Hope it was a Grand Day Out, my friend!

Way to go Timmy! For the last two years out of the all the teams in the bay area at least once every five days there was a reason to catch a game and be excited. Very well deserved. Nice to see the voters not only focus on wins. Thanks, Man. Not bad for a second year newbie on a suckie team, eh?

Two words: Tim Lincecum! 2008 Cy Young winner

Had a great time...and a weekend at the Coast wth my family ta boot !

Thanks, Guys! Now, I get to be the same number as the year of my birth. Next year...I'm the speed limit for trucks

Chris, Do you have anything from Ray Brown or Jackie McClean or Ella Fitzgerald or Joe Williams or Miles Davis or Lee Morgan any of the folks from the Be Bop era of Jazz?

Go Philly!

Proof that male humor is stuck in the 4th grade.

CHILI COOKOFF Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event: CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy Shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy. CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced. CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! ! CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3. FRANK: You could put a #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit, to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor guy. FRANK: - - - - - Mama?- - - (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).

Go Philly!

An awesome thread, Chris. Thanks.

Not a Cubbies fan...but you were right, Zen. Cubs just flat stunk up the joint. What piss-poor baseball that was.

Mike Nolan must die. C'mon, York...enough of this rebuilding year bullshit. It's been five years of losing football. Fire his ass already. Geez. Grrrr

I second that. Geez, Chris....I had no idea how much and how far back you were involved with Jazz. Either you've been holding out on me or I need to get out more often

Um. Lizzie Borden Liz Taylor Liz Claiborne

Many Europeans don't either. The internet has much to do with this more so than anything else. However, e-books are gaining popularity I am told. Not paper, but still a book. BTW....I am fairly certain they still sell books in America. Save yourself a trip....buy "local"

I don't think the Cubs are going anywhere , they looked flat yesterday . Also i don't care what anyone says BUT the Manager in baseball matters in the playoffs and Torre will out manage Piniella , who is the most overated manager in the game ! Manny Matters .....he is that good , i still don't understand why he is running hard down the first base line, he never did that in 8 years here in Boston .....he never ran that hard ! True. But the manager doesn't bat or pitch. One game in a five game series isn't enough to convince me, Zen. I say we take the "wait and see" approach on this one.

Well, even though the Cubbies and Angels never got off the bus last night, they are still my picks to go all the way to the World Series this year.

I had no problem with it