"Literate" Put-Downs

[JSngry]

Sorry if these are all overly familiar...

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man &worships his creator." - John Bright

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." - James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

Good for a few chuckles... Any others?

Edited July 5, 2003 by JSngry

[Alexander]

"She ran the gamut of emotion from A to B." - Dorothy Parker on Katherine Hepburn

[Jazzmoose]

Your majesty is like a stream of bat's piss...; no wait...hang on...

[Christiern]

• He had about him the look of an unmade Bedouin. -- Peter Cook (describing Lawrence of Arabia)
  

Edited July 6, 2003 by Christiern

[jlhoots]

How can I miss you when you won't go away?

[Christiern]

If your phone don't ring, it's me. --Country music song title.

[JSngry]

Priceless!

[patricia]

He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.

Ring Lardner

..................................

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.

Maurice Chevalier

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Platonic love is love from the neck up.

Thyra Samter Winslow

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People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.

Douglas Yates

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I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

Mae West

[JohnJ]

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend, if you have one."

Churchill's reply:

"Cannot possibly attend fist night, will attend second, if there is one."

[Joe G]

Woman to Yogi Berra:

You look pretty cool tonight.

Yogi:

You don't look so hot yourself.

[jacman]

Edited July 9, 2003 by jacman