Diagnostic Overview:
Your responses indicate a strong prediliction to drinking, in fact you're probably bombed right now. Get a grip, you dope- put down the bottle and switch to heroin. Studies show it's better for you in the long-run. Return to the clinic immediately for a high-colonic and don't come back till you're straight. People who answer as you did grow up to be successful prostitutes or drug-dealers (or both).
Long-Term Prognosis:
Deep-seated fantasies about Margaret Thatcher and roto-tilling equipment means you will never be able to pass as a normal member of society. Your disorder often leads to prancing about in the middle of a busy street at midnight in leotards and a cute umbrella. This is good, because being run over by a truck removes oddballs like you from the gene pool.
Additional Fears:
You're also afraid of hummingbirds, vanilla ice cream, and bathtubs. This is silly- when was the last time bathtubs caused you any harm?
spot on!