Tim McG

A man is sitting in the bar when he notices another patron a few stools away. The guy had a body like Charles Atlas but his head was the size of a thimble. The first man said, "Please excuse me for staring but I can't help but be curious as to why your body is so well developed but your head is so small." The man says, "Buy me a drink and I'll tell you." The drink was bought and the story began. "I was in the navy and my ship was sunk by a torpedo. I was the only survivor and I managed to make it to a deserted island a few miles away. I had been there for several months and was sitting on the beach one day waiting for a bird or a fish to come by, so I would have something to eat. Looking up I saw a mermaid sunning on a nearby rock. She swam over to me and informed me that she was a magical mermaid and could grant me 3 wishes. "Great, I'd like to be rescued." She slapped the water with her tail and a ship appeared, sailing straight for my island. Next I asked for a body like Charles Atlas. Another slap of her tail and here it is. Then noticing how beautiful she was and all my other wished fulfilled I asked if I could make love to her. She said no, it just wouldn't work, her being half fish and all. So I said.... "Well, how about a little head then?"

Guys....Patricia is woman enough for three Jazz Boards.

Twilight Zone.

Um. Is there something wrong with being a male poster....?

Are you kidding? I read many opinion pieces and new stories that tore the s--- out of Clemens after his press conference and further stuff from his camp (the news stories implicitly doubtful, the opinion pieces explicitly doubtful or worse), plus I heard lots of stuff on sports talk radio in the same vein (obviously, I'm wasting my life). Yes, I read some stuff that gave or tried to give Clemens a pass, but my honest impression was that it was at least 60-40 Roger is lying, maybe more than that. OK, so a week's worth of press equals three years of media bullshit aimed at Barry Bonds? You can't be serious.

That can't be! Haven't you heard? They only hound Barry Bonds! So where is this media hounding of Tejeda, Dan? Clemens got a free pass, too. Bonds is the only ballplayer to get this shabby treatment from the press. You know it. I know it.

Teams I pull for: Yay! SF Giants Forty-Niners Lakers And anybody playing the [hated] Dodgers, Yankees, Rams, Raiders or Dallas. [Patriots for my wife; she was born and raised in Connecticut] Teams I hate with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns: Grrrrr #1 and for all-time [the hated] Dodgers Rams Dallas Yankees

There are several examples of great teams going down to defeat to a lesser team in the playoffs. The '83 49ers vs the Redskins, 2001 Yankees vs the D-Backs, '72 Lakers vs the Knicks....I could go on. The better team has lost many times in pro sports. I mean, the fact a medeocre Buffalo Bills team made it to all those Super Bowls speaks volumes on that point. Their AFC runners-up would have at least made those games competitive. The '72 Lakers set a record for wins and beat the Knicks in the NBA finals. Uh-huh. And the part you are leaving out is....? I'll wait. Perhaps I'm missing something here - sarcasm/irony? I can be oblivious to those at times. "There are several examples of great teams going down to defeat to a lesser team in the playoffs. ... '72 Lakers vs the Knicks...." The Lakers set a regular season record for wins and were favorites in the final. The Knicks had injuries, but the Lakers beat them 4-1. The favored team did win. There have been many occasions when a "lesser team" or underdog has beaten a "great" or favored team. The '72 NBA finals wasn't one of those occasions. Yes, but you conveniently left out the fact the 72-73 Lakers lost to the same team that very next year. The Lakers were clearly the better team...in both years. Hence my point, just the wrong ending year. No big thing, just a minor correction is all. Um....let's talk sarcasm for a moment, shall we? Disingenuous, perhaps?

Or maybe it's just a slow day on the boards...?

Oh, they'll puff it all up somehow anyway, you know that. The sporting media is just full of themselves come Super Bowl hype-time.

There are several examples of great teams going down to defeat to a lesser team in the playoffs. The '83 49ers vs the Redskins, 2001 Yankees vs the D-Backs, '72 Lakers vs the Knicks....I could go on. The better team has lost many times in pro sports. I mean, the fact a medeocre Buffalo Bills team made it to all those Super Bowls speaks volumes on that point. Their AFC runners-up would have at least made those games competitive. Excuse me! Mediocre teams do not beat the "better" teams when the chips are down; it merely exposes that the "better" team was not as good as you think. During the regular season, a mediocre team can beat anyone on any given day but not when the heavy chips are down. Either someone misjudged the "mediocre" team or the "better" team is not as good as everyone thought. :-) O-4 in Super Bowls sez I'm right. Besides, "as good as" is a relative term. It does not equate to not being the better team, my friend. One game does not mean the better team won.

There are several examples of great teams going down to defeat to a lesser team in the playoffs. The '83 49ers vs the Redskins, 2001 Yankees vs the D-Backs, '72 Lakers vs the Knicks....I could go on. The better team has lost many times in pro sports. I mean, the fact a medeocre Buffalo Bills team made it to all those Super Bowls speaks volumes on that point. Their AFC runners-up would have at least made those games competitive. The '72 Lakers set a record for wins and beat the Knicks in the NBA finals. Uh-huh. And the part you are leaving out is....? I'll wait.

There are several examples of great teams going down to defeat to a lesser team in the playoffs. The '83 49ers vs the Redskins, 2001 Yankees vs the D-Backs, '72-'73 Lakers vs the Knicks....I could go on. The better team has lost many times in pro sports. I mean, the fact a medeocre Buffalo Bills team made it to all those Super Bowls speaks volumes on that point. Their AFC runners-up would have at least made those games competitive.

Yer killin' me, Tony...yer killin' me. Pssh. Poetic justice.

At a recent concert in Glasgow, Scotland, the lead singer of the band U2, Bono, asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. While having everyone's complete attention, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." After a few minutes of this a voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet. "Well, foockin' stop doin it then, ya evil basturd!"

I was depressed last night so I called a suicide hotline. I was transferred to an out-sourced call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal... They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Um. Isn't cleavage cheating?

Cowboyz are dead and gone. [say halleujah] Life for the NFL fan is good once again.

If I'm not mistaken that tune is being used for a commercial now.

I'll start:

Kids at my HS still dig Hendrix. They wear tie-dye t-shirts with his face on them. They listen to his music. They ask me what it was like back when he was alive. Hendrix is as timeless as he is great. Post your favorite Hendrix memories, concerts, song/albums and video here. I Hear My Train a Comin' Tim

What a sweetheart she is. You are awesome, Patricia

If not wanting to get cracked over the head with a broken bottle or stampeded to death while trying to escape soccer hooligans makes me a wimp, then you can place my name at the top of the list. Little by little though that's changing. Instead of routinely assailing one another with bottles & chairs, they've decided to channel their energy into getting it all out of their systems on New Years Eve. Fun! .... Next year try for 35 and dare the Belgians to match it!!! Twenty-two schools in the Netherlands were set fire to during New Year's Eve. Three schools were completely burnt out, insurance company Centraal Beheer Friday reported. The damage to the schools amounts to over 20 million euro, according to the insurer. The company feels schools should do more to prevent fires. Cameras and sprinkler systems could be installed, a spokesperson explained. Now there's some fun, huh?

Good luck and Godspeed, my friend. Lord knows you deserve it. Tim