Big Al Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 THINGS WE LEARN WHEN WE STAY HOME SICK AND WATCH TV (typed mostly by Al (aka Dad) with many hilarious ideas by Nathan; sorta written on Thursday, October 2, 2008) 1. Any shampoo that is pooped out of a kangaroo (and not just any kangaroo, a PURPLE kangaroo) cannot even possibly be a good thing. Who came up with this? The worst part of this commercial was when the girl (who apparently used this crap.... so to speak) caught it! And as if THAT wasn’t bad enough, she said, “Now that it’s soft...” EEWWWWW!!!! She even said it was more bouncy! Who thought of this??? Somebody was either drunk, or thought it would be funny to play a silly joke on their boss and had no idea their boss would say, “What a great idea!!!!” We wish we were that person! 2. Who changed all the cool stuff on The Price is Right? The wheel’s changed, the signs have changed, the girls have changed (well, I guess that had to change; the old ones were Bob Barker’s age or older!). We wonder if there is a category on eBay for the useless crap (including shampoop... oops, typo.. Who cares?) that people “win” on The Price is Right. Now, cars are cool; trips are cool; girls are cool, but you can't win them. Yet! (That will happen when Gene Simmons eventually owns everything (and everyone) and becomes the host of the show) So anyway, eventually we figure there will be a category on eBay, you’ll see it listed: antiques, jewelry, music, girls, toys, Crap We Won on Price is Right. I mean, who really needs (or even wants) a big ugly jukebox in their house? And dancing lessons! That’s not a prize, that’s a punishment! Eventually, we figure someone (maybe us because we have nothing better to and we’re sick and on drugs (the kind for curing colds, not the other kind)) will come up with the idea of switching out the Barker Beauties (because that’s what they’re still called (and probably still are, he can afford it after all)) for Drew’s Dudes. “Come on down” will have a whooole new meaning. All of this really can be yours.... if the price is right. 3. Speaking of that, we are glad that Nathan still has to ask dad to explain various double entendres like the one we saw on “Two and a Half Men” that involved a choo-choo train in the back room. We don’t think we need to explain. Hopefully. 4. We discovered that you can watch three (3) half-hour sitcoms in just under an hour because of the wonderful world of DVR. 5. On today’s Jeopardy there was a category called “Cheers,” which had to do with alcohol trivia. Someone very close to us loves her alcohol and knows a lot about it. Pity she wasn’t on today’s Jeopardy: she coulda mopped the floor with the competition. Or at least ended up on it! 6. Watching a TV show in the morning whose plotline involves finding the perfect hamburger is not a good idea when you are sick and hungry. ESPECIALLY when those rotten you-know-whats show close-ups of four people wolfing down huge gigantic cheeseburgers on three different scenes! I Can Has Cheezburger? Heck yeah we want cheezburger!!!! 7. We don’t care how successful you are, or how great product is (see item #1), a lousy nickname can kill any product. We mean you, Bathtub Bob. We have no idea what you were selling because we were too busy laughing our butts off at your silly name. Maybe they’ll show your commercial again. Maybe we will have stopped laughing by then. =) 8. Oh, and don’t get us started on sounds from the bathroom. It’s bad enough when you hear someone peeing and farting at the same time; dad does it all the time. But that’s just normal. Hearing it on TV, which actually happened on “Two and a Half Men,” that’s just wrong! Thankfully, Dad isn’t on TV. Yet! 9. Gramma’s cookies are the perfect antidote for any sickness. Once the sickness is over, they go back to being Dad’s, who is going back to the TV and will be back with more stuff we learned. 10. They’re really my cookies (Nathan). 11. Our pet rabbit, Cougar, seems to be a bit agitated right now. We don’t think he anticipated sharing his quiet time with a couple of sick lunkheads like us. To think that we always felt sorry for leaving him alone during the day. Turns out he actually likes it! 12. Mom’s never gonna let us stay home from work/school together ever again! In fact, Dad’s mom would always used to say, “If you’re well enough to be this silly, you’re well enough to go back to school.” Dad’s mom said that to him a lot. Dad hasn’t said that yet to Nathan. Dad has no room to talk! 13. Well, that didn’t take long. See, we had the DVR paused on Bathtub Bob when we started this. Bathtub Bob has been paused for about a half hour now. We sat down, un-paused Bathtub Bob only to find that Bathtub Bob has been hiding Elvis all these years. We wish we could make stuff like this up. As it is, we now know that our lives will be incomplete until we buy a bathtub with Elvis from Bathtub Bob. Hopefully we can go back to the TV now and not have to rush back here two seconds after we’ve hit the save button again. 14. Okay, five seconds later. Whattya know? Who is the idiot at CBS-11 who, with the name of the show right there on the screen that clearly says THE JERRY JONES SHOW (you know: the guy who’s been running the Cowboys for almost 20 years? Maybe you’ve heard of him) and this guy says “Stay tuned for the JIMMY Jones Show.” We kid you not. Again, the wonders of DVR allow us to replay it a few more times, y’know just to make sure that the gunk in our lungs didn’t just jump to our ears, but there it is: the guy clearly says JIMMY. Believe it or not, we really don’t know what to say. We think that kinda says it all, really. Y’know, at least we’re getting some good exercise running back and forth between the TV and the computer. 15. Oh yeah, and thank God for computers, because there’s no way we could write this fast. And make it readable. 16. Okay, here’s a serious one: after 38-1/2 years, Dad learns that a compound fracture is an actual breaking of a bone. Like breaking-in-half break. Dad never really knew what a compound fracture was, only that it was a very bad thing! 17. The Shoe Pavilion is going out of business. Who thought it would be a good idea to fill a Best-Buy-sized store with shoes? We never went in there. Apparently, nobody else did, either! Okay, morning TV is over and we’re going to eat Kincaid’s Hamburgers for lunch. We thought about watching the soap operas to learn more stuff, but after about five minutes, it turned into sensory overload and we almost passed out. We hope this has been informative. We also hope that we get to stay home again someday soon to learn more stuff from TV! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 You're kidding about the kangaroo poop, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Is Jeopardy changing or did that category used to be called "Potent Potables"? A compound fracture is a regular bone fracture in which the bone breaks the skin. I didn't know it was possible not to know that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Oh, and I hope you two feel better soon. Last time I thought about laying around all day because I was sick, I couldn't find F-Troop on TV, and it just wasn't the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeweil Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Al, you must be pretty damn sick to watch all that ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7/4 Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Why waste time watching TV when you can waste it here? . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riverside Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 It was 1953, a tuesday afternoon and my cough was better. flicked on the Dumont and i was astonished to see/hear Clifford Brown and Kenny Drew as the house band on the Soupy Sales show. ran home cevery day to see who was next. riverside Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Alas, these days you'd probably find Britney Spears lipsyncing her latest comeback release... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papsrus Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Is Jeopardy changing or did that category used to be called "Potent Potables"? A compound fracture is a regular bone fracture in which the bone breaks the skin. I didn't know it was possible not to know that. This is how I learned what a compound fracture was. Don't watch if you're squeamish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free For All Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Is Jeopardy changing or did that category used to be called "Potent Potables"? A compound fracture is a regular bone fracture in which the bone breaks the skin. I didn't know it was possible not to know that. This is how I learned what a compound fracture was. Don't watch if you're squeamish. Damn, that's always hard to watch. I think I first learned about compound fractures from Burt Reynold's character in Deliverance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Is Jeopardy changing or did that category used to be called "Potent Potables"? A compound fracture is a regular bone fracture in which the bone breaks the skin. I didn't know it was possible not to know that. This is how I learned what a compound fracture was. Don't watch if you're squeamish. Damn, that's always hard to watch. I think I first learned about compound fractures from Burt Reynold's character in Deliverance. I thought it was going to be the wrestler Sid Vicious' broken leg suffered in the ring. Even less recommended for the squeamish! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Al Posted October 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 (edited) You're kidding about the kangaroo poop, right? I wish I was. I can't link it here at work, but I'll provide the link from home tonight. Or just do a Google search of "purple kangaroo shampoo commercial." Or you could just watch TV this morning. Edited October 6, 2008 by Big Al Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Al Posted October 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 Is Jeopardy changing or did that category used to be called "Potent Potables"? A compound fracture is a regular bone fracture in which the bone breaks the skin. I didn't know it was possible not to know that. When you've never had a broken bone in your life and nobody in your family has never had a broken bone in your lifetime (except my sister, and even then they said it was a broken wrist), I suppose that's how it could be possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted October 6, 2008 Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 Is Jeopardy changing or did that category used to be called "Potent Potables"? A compound fracture is a regular bone fracture in which the bone breaks the skin. I didn't know it was possible not to know that. When you've never had a broken bone in your life and nobody in your family has never had a broken bone in your lifetime (except my sister, and even then they said it was a broken wrist), I suppose that's how it could be possible. Sorry Al, I just figured that most red-blooded American males who grow up with a healthy interest in blood and bodily harm would know pretty young what a compound fracture is. And now, assuming that Al doesn't mind, I'll contribute Things you learn while stuck on the couch waiting for pain meds to ease a severe back strain: Jillian Barberie is pretty darn hot, but Extreme Dating is pretty darn bad. I expect I'll come up with more but don't know when I'll add to the list as the couch is downstairs and the office is upstairs, and stairs (or motion in general) ain't my friend right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papsrus Posted October 6, 2008 Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 Is Jeopardy changing or did that category used to be called "Potent Potables"? A compound fracture is a regular bone fracture in which the bone breaks the skin. I didn't know it was possible not to know that. When you've never had a broken bone in your life and nobody in your family has never had a broken bone in your lifetime (except my sister, and even then they said it was a broken wrist), I suppose that's how it could be possible. Sorry Al, I just figured that most red-blooded American males who grow up with a healthy interest in blood and bodily harm would know pretty young what a compound fracture is. And now, assuming that Al doesn't mind, I'll contribute Things you learn while stuck on the couch waiting for pain meds to ease a severe back strain: Jillian Barberie is pretty darn hot, but Extreme Dating is pretty darn bad. I expect I'll come up with more but don't know when I'll add to the list as the couch is downstairs and the office is upstairs, and stairs (or motion in general) ain't my friend right now. What's the Italian women's team handball squad doing in the background? ... really sorry to hear about the back. Back pain is the worst (next to possibly compound fractures.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted October 6, 2008 Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 I wish I was. I can't link it here at work, but I'll provide the link from home tonight. Or just do a Google search of "purple kangaroo shampoo commercial." Or you could just watch TV this morning. I'll pass on both. I'm still traumatized by Barney, the purple dinosaur... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christiern Posted October 7, 2008 Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 The flu that confined me to bed in early 1969 has had a lasting effect on me. I never watched TV during the day back then, unless I was too sick to work. There was a lot of talk about the newly retrieved lunar rocks so I stayed tuned, hoping to see them. While I waited, the regularly scheduled program ran, and it finally caught my attention. It was designed to show why we ought not smoke (I was puffing at least one pack of Tareyton filters a day). The sight of black lungs and people barely able to talk did it for me. My first attempt only worked for a couple of weeks, but the followup has lasted almost 40 years. I might not have lived to respond to this thread if it had not been for a nasty flu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Al Posted October 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 Is Jeopardy changing or did that category used to be called "Potent Potables"? A compound fracture is a regular bone fracture in which the bone breaks the skin. I didn't know it was possible not to know that. When you've never had a broken bone in your life and nobody in your family has never had a broken bone in your lifetime (except my sister, and even then they said it was a broken wrist), I suppose that's how it could be possible. Sorry Al, I just figured that most red-blooded American males who grow up with a healthy interest in blood and bodily harm would know pretty young what a compound fracture is. I've been stitched together more times than Frankenstein, thanks to perennial clumsiness on my part (but miraculously, no broken bones..... I'm sorry, compound fractures). So, yes, while I have no interest in "blood and bodily harm," it's not as if I'm altogether unfamiliar with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papsrus Posted October 7, 2008 Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 (edited) Broken right arm three times; broken ankle; three broken ribs; and a stick in the eye (not all at once, thankfully). Didn't feel the broken ribs at all once the Demerol kicked in. And I'm sure I've broken an assortment of toes. Oh yeah -- never any stitches! (knock, knock) Edited October 7, 2008 by papsrus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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