this was just sent me by 7/4:
WRITER ARRESTED FOR CUTE PUPPY INSULT
Lawrence Kart, former writer for Downbeat and the Chicago Tribune, was arrested today by homeland security forces and charged with making threats against cute puppies. Florida Homeland Security, notified of the incident by a "D. Gould," notified the Chicago branch, who took Kart into custody this morning and charged him with a breach of American tradition.
"Mr. Kart should know by now that we take this stuff seriously," said Detective Effron of the local Red Squad. "And we would like to issue a public thank you to Mr. Gould, whoever he is; of late he has turned in not only this fugitive jazz writer, but has given us useful tips about a dangerous guy in Maine, a sinister Danish 'foreigner' living on the West Side of New York City, and a bunch of other bad guys who seem to frequent a subversive website about jazz and make negative comments about America, Dick Cheney, and Scott Hamilton. For his trouble, we are giving Mr. Gould a free subscription to the New York Post."
Gould, reached in his Florida hideaway, had "no comment" except to say: "Being Dan Gould is never having to say you're sorry."