GA Russell Posted April 17 Author Report Share Posted April 17 A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat have died. All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in. The German shepherd says: "I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master." "Good," says God. "Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?" The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master." Ah," says God. "You may sit to my left." Then he looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?" The cat answers: "I believe you're sitting in my seat." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted April 28 Author Report Share Posted April 28 A lawyer is talking to an elderly couple seated in his office. “You’ve been married for over 70 years! Why on earth do you want to get divorced now??” The old lady responds “We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted April 29 Report Share Posted April 29 After running across an old obituary for one of my Tulane history professors, I recalled a joke he shared in class. Years earlier, he had a young co-ed, Miss Minor, in a class, where he shared a joke about Paul Revere's famous ride. Dr. Esthus said, "You are aware of Paul Revere's famous ride. He rode up to the first house and shouted the alarm. A light appeared as a woman came to the window. 'Is your husband at home?' 'Yes!' 'Tell him the British are coming.' He went to the next home and a woman appeared and he asked, 'Is your husband at home?' 'Yes!' 'Tell him the British are coming.' He rode to the next home and a woman appeared and he asked, 'Is your husband at home?' 'No.' 'Whoa!'" At that point, the co-ed, Miss Minor, wanted to share her knowledge that Revere was arrested by the British before completing his ride and she shouted out, "Dr. Esthus, do you know that he didn't go all the way?" It always got a roar, even if some of his other jokes were lame and one of his monotone lectures actually put a good friend to sleep for a few minutes next to me in the front row. I still remember the 1950s sportcoats and narrow short ties he wore, like he could have been a walk on in a 1950s sitcom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted April 29 Report Share Posted April 29 (edited) I had a history/ancient Civ teacher in high school, real hard-ass that kids joked about but he really brought the material to life and I enjoyed his classes. Wish I could think of his name ... He had one go-to line I can never forget. Whenever some ancient ruler executed an enemy or slaughtered a captured army, it was " and that's one way to ... get a head." Edited April 29 by Dan Gould Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted April 29 Author Report Share Posted April 29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster_Ties Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 (edited) Better use of the "it's funny with swear words" theory: https://www.theonion.com/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece-of-shit-that-doesnt-fuck-1819594774 BTW the Onion must be really hard up for cash. Under three minutes of video and two commercial interruptions so far. SAD! Edited April 30 by Dan Gould Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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