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Hardbopjazz

What to do when the wife hates jazz.

45 posts in this topic

Everytime I spin a disc or LP, my wife always comes into the room and nearly shuts the volume. Her love of jazz doesn't go beyond Chuck Mangione's "Feels so Good." So when I put the headphones on, I get, "you are Ignoring me."

Do any of you on this board have similar stories with their spouses or other half?

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:g sounds familiar :g

I have a separate room upstairs which does allow hearing Jazz at anytime... only if I turn the volume knob beyond normal, she comes complaining...

Cheers, Tjobbe

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My wife hates jazz, or at least thinks she does...I'm not convinced she's ever listened to it with anything like an open mind. It used to bug me. No more. The fact that she likes music - even Top 40 - puts her a category above much of the population. Hey, even amongst the denizens of this board, we don't all agree.

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Yep - but i've just given up I'm afraid - my wife HATES jazz , I only play it at home when she's not in the same room .

I've mentioned this here somewhere before but this sums up her attitude towards Jazz-

I was playing some electric period Miles in the kitchen one day when she bellowed 'HAVE YOU GOT AN ELEPHANT OUT THERE WITH YOU????'

We dont actually sit down together for large periods of time in the same room in the evenings , the PCs in the bedroom so one of us is normally on there while the other is downstairs watching TV or listening to music - it sounds a bit strange but it works perfectly well for us.

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I have djs who do their shows just so that they can three hours to listen to jazz without interruption or complaint.

--eric

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Well, my girlfriend doesn't like much outside of one-hit soundtracks and Elton John. It's pretty difficult to get in my jazz time, so I try to listen to it during the day while I study. That said, not everyone has the luxury of having as much time as I do. Thus, I would either set up your stereo in a separate room and designate specific times of the night as "Jazz listening" times, OR I would buy a discman and listen to jazz on the way to work (or even at work? Some companies let this fly).

Edited by undergroundagent

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Headphones, separate listening room, closing the door, waiting till she leaves the house...

I guess there are several ways to go about listening to jazz :g:w

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My wife and children sit with me up in the study every night and do their thing (reading, homework, games, net surfing, etc) with jazz playing in the background.

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What to do when the wife hates jazz?

Get an annullment. We all make mistakes.

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Obviously, you are not alone, Hardbopjazz...

My wife's love of jazz is restricted to Diana Krall and the Getz/Gilberto CD. (In fact, she bought her own copy of the Getz, because she "couldn't find mine) on the carefully organized shelves...go figure!) She likes a few other things, but they must be mellow, relaxed, and (her words) "not crazy".

I'm lucky in that our work hours are different, so I have a four to five hour block in the afternoon when I have the house to myself for jazz, "weird movies", etc. It works out.

Of course, when we're both here together, we compromise. She plays her music, and I shut up. Although I must admit, I've begun to really dig the Steve Roach stuff...

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Change your wife.

That would cost too much.

Edited by Hardbopjazz

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After thirteen years my wife is finally understanding why I love jazz and quality music in general. Now when we go out and hear music that isn't very good and I'm trying to hide my disinterest she'll turn to me and say "This music isn't very good is it?" which boggles my mind. She told me once last month that she left a store that was playing some light rock music because she thought it was awful and she thought "why don't they try playing some jazz?"

This is a major breakthrough. For a long time she just hated jazz and was jealous of the time I spent listening to music, and resentful of the money I spent on music in any form: books, recordings, live events. She hated the sound of compact discs, claiming the treble screamed at her; she has mutant-like hearing (she can hear bats under the famous bridge here in town stirring long before anyone else does, about fifteen minutes before they fly out from under the bridge); this is one reason I have been on a long upgrade path with my system because she could hear clearly every incremental improvement in quality and it made music more bearable to her. Half of the time together I have been lucky that we were able to buy a house that allowed each of us to have a room of our own, and I have a dedicated listening room that spares her from hearing an awful lot of music. Now when she does come in my room and sit down and listen she says "Wow, this sounds GREAT" and she really does enjoy some of the music in a way she never ever had before and I never ever would have thought she would.

Her becoming tolerant and even enjoying jazz a little bit has been one of the few great things that have happened in my life since G. W. became Governor of Tejas.

Edited by jazzbo

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I guess I'm lucky. My wife listens to MOST of the things I play without complaint (I say most, because I tend to be selective about what I play in her company. I leave "noisy" fusion and avant garde till I'm alone. Every so often, however, I will end up playing something that she actively dislikes, and then I hear about it). She says that she learned how to tune most things out when her parents dragged her to church as a kid. She has a small handful of CDs of her own (she really isn't into music at all) which she very seldom plays. The worst thing she's gotten recently is the Clay Aiken CD! Thankfully, she's only into the first track ("Invincible") so it's over before too long.

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My wife likes jazz, as long as it swings and is fairly hummable. She dislikes fusion or 'out' music and despises King Crimson. So I wait som enights until she goes to bed and play stuff, or I head to the mini-stereo in the basement. I take the subway to work, so I listen with a discman on my commute.

My suggestion is to have more than one cd player so that you can listen in another room. Look at your time schedule to see when you can listen without commentary or interruption.

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Mine is actually pretty good with most jazz. She appreciates Big Band, Swing, and Hard Bop mostly. Free/Avant Garde is out of the question though. I can't put on any Ayler when she's around or anything in a similar vein.

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I can't put on any Ayler when she's around or anything in a similar vein.

Speaking of Ayler, I played Love Cry in our house for the first time last year and my wife was humming one of the tunes afterwards. I took her to see the Dave Holland Big Band and I think she enjoyed the show more than I did, even though she was not familiar with any of the music beforehand. The only music she has complained about so far is electroacoustic improv. I am a very lucky man.

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my wife tries to have an open mind, as she came with me to see Hancock and Shorter and then again both artists when they came with their own quartets, and she really enjoyed the Jarrett trio. But most of the time she looks absolutely bored when I have any music on (she prefers TV and movies) and I swear I can see her shudder when I put Zappa or King Crimson on. I have a catch-22 with work, too: I work in a lab so guys are playing music all the time, but of course my tastes are in the tiny minority (I'd list the crap I hear other people play but I choose to ignore most of it. Lots of contemporary angry-young-man angst ridden formulaic garbage) so the few times I play jazz or some challenging music it's non-stop complaints and lots of "zingers"!! So I just listen to music on my mp3 player or in the car.

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Tell her you hate complainers.

Ask her to talk to you about things she likes instead of hates.

Tell her that hate is a strong word.

Point out elements of the music that you like. Ask her if she hears them.

Help her develop an ear for music.

Let her pick out a CD for once.

Dance with her during one of your favorite tunes!

Try to engage her. You know her better than me! Be creative.

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Let her pick out a CD for once.

:ph34r:

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My wife and children sit with me up in the study every night and do their thing (reading, homework, games, net surfing, etc) with jazz playing in the background.

That's only because you don't listen to organ jazz, Weizy! ;)

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My wife is pretty tolerant. She likes some tunes; dislikes others. She comps on her piano a lot and there is no refuge in the house for me once she sets in on it.

Basically, I allow her to comp on her piano with muted complaints while she allows me to play jazz without complaining. It's a workable arrangement.

I tease her good naturedly: "How come you can't play like this guy (Horace Parlan) when he's only got three working fingers on his left hand?" ;)

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It seems to me that most folks who listen to jazz, i.e. the diehards are males. Where are the female fans or are they just not bothered to be on BBs??

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