SHIT HAPPENS
Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it¹s not really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and isn¹t.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit must happen."
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: Shit is the will of Allah.
Catholicism: When shit happens, you deserved it.
Protestantism: If it¹s shit, it¹s the Catholics.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad when shit happens, so long as you serve
the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad when shit happens--you¹re going to hell
anyway.
Baptist: You better believe it¹s shit!
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as
shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as lousy as shit
that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, shut up.
Fundamentalism: If you¹re born-again, it can¹t be your shit happening.
Fundamentalism #2: Shit can only be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work enough.
Seventh-Day Adventism: No shit shall happen until Saturday.
Mormonism: Shit is God¹s gift happening.
Christian Science: If shit happens, it¹s all in your mind.
Quakers: We didn¹t start this shit.
Scientology: When shit happens, re-read "Dianetics"
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only
the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only super happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit shit happens happens rama rama.
Secular Humanism: Tomorrow it won¹t be shit.
Utopianism: When it happens, shit does not stink.
Creationism: God begat shit.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Stoicism: Shit is good for me.
Idolism: This shit should be bronzed.
Hedonism: There oughtta be more shit happening.
Wiccan: Let shit happen.
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: The ladies love my shit...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Existentialism: What is shit, anyway?
Rastafarianism: Smoke that shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.
Recovery program: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Did someone shit?
Atheism: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.