More Musician Humor (Jokes & Anecdotes)

[couw]

it's too dim in here

[JSngry]

The light bulb can only change if it wants to change.

[Spontooneous]

Whatever happened to that thread where everybody was complaining about Ron McMaster's light bulbs?

[Ragu]

In case you haven't heard these...

This can be told in anyone of a number of politically incorrect settings, but let's go with white settlers crossing the plains into hostile Indian territory. They know they're being followed and feel it's only time before they'll be attacked. One night they make camp and realize that from a distanced they are surrounded by hostile natives. Suddenly they hear the sound of war drums coming from the surrounding natives. One settler turns to the other and says, "I sure don't like the sound of those drums!" From a distance in the Indian acmp comes the reply"...It's not our regular drummer..."

-----------------------------------------

A club group has a regular gig and one night before they kick off the first set the leader says to the drummer, "Hey listen, on our opener it's a straight groove tune, do you think you could kind of slightly rush and then slow down like you have no idea where the pocket is. Then on the ballad kind of overplay and fill in all the spaces and distract from the trumpet solo. Then on the stop time piece, kind of hesitate like your not sure if it's stop time at all. OK?" The drummer says "I don't know if I can do all than, man." The leader says, "Why not, you did last night?"

-------------------------------------------

And as Ronnie Scott use to say, "Tonight Ladies and Gentleman, you've made a happy man feel very old."

[doubleM]

I thought I'd resurrect this thread to tell a funny joke told to me recently by Bob Mover.

-This trombone player gets hired to play an annual big band gig for good dough on New Year's eve. At this gig his playing was superb. He read the book quite well, and improvised his ass off on the tunes. So, the band leader takes him aside after the show, and tells him "Man, you can really play. We've been needing a good bone player for this New Year's gig for a while. So, consider yourself hired each year, if you want it." The trombone player excitedly accepted the praise and offer, and asked..."Is it okay if I leave my horn here?".

[JSngry]

I thought I'd resurrect this thread to tell a funny joke told to me recently by Bob Mover.

-This trombone player gets hired to play an annual big band gig for good dough on New Year's eve. At this gig his playing was superb. He read the book quite well, and improvised his ass off on the tunes. So, the band leader takes him aside after the show, and tells him "Man, you can really play. We've been needing a good bone player for this New Year's gig for a while. So, consider yourself hired each year, if you want it." The trombone player excitedly accepted the praise and offer, and asked..."Is it okay if I leave my horn here?".

So, what's the joke here, anyway?

[JSngry]

That's...reality. Ain't no joke there!

[Jazzmoose]

But Jim, he won't be able to practice! All his notes will sound the same, and...

What is the joke here???

[JSngry]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[Shrdlu]

If he couldn't practise, his playing could then be termed avant garde.

[slide_advantage_redoux]

I thought I'd resurrect this thread to tell a funny joke told to me recently by Bob Mover.

-This trombone player gets hired to play an annual big band gig for good dough on New Year's eve. At this gig his playing was superb. He read the book quite well, and improvised his ass off on the tunes. So, the band leader takes him aside after the show, and tells him "Man, you can really play. We've been needing a good bone player for this New Year's gig for a while. So, consider yourself hired each year, if you want it." The trombone player excitedly accepted the praise and offer, and asked..."Is it okay if I leave my horn here?".

So, what's the joke here, anyway?

[slide_advantage_redoux]

The sign says, "Old Timer's Bar - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!"

They all look at each other, then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they should not judge the 'book by its cover.'

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"

There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini.

In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

The four men stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other.

They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a dollar.

Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

The bartender says, "I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow, that's quite a story," says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and

hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender replies, "Oh, they're all musicians...they're waiting for happy hour."

[slide_advantage_redoux]

True story, one many of you already know if you read the Bill Crow book.

Al Cohn was playing a gig in Italy. One morning he came down to breakfast. He had been drinking his share the previous evening, and as he painfully made his way to the dining area, someone asked: "Hey Al, how are you feeling?"

To which he replied: "Like a million Lira"

[A. Kingstone]

Can't remember where I heard this.

Jim Hall was sharing the stage with a very eager young guitarist who as is expected when you are a young eager guitar player sharing the stage with Jim Hall was over playing.

Jim said "Don't just play something, sit there".

[Jim Alfredson]

[Steve Gray]

Another Al Cohn Story ...

Al is on tour in Holland. He goes into a bar with a Dutch musician.

The Dutch musician tells him the local brew is called Elephant beer.

Al says - 'No thanks, I drink to forget'

[slide_advantage_redoux]

A guy pulls up in front of his apartment building when the landlady walks up.

She: "Hello. How do you like living here so far?"

He: "I love it, but the cat upstairs keeps stomping all over the place late at night"

She: "Oh my, I will certainly have to talk to him about that!"

He: "Oh thats okay; I'm up practicing my trombone then anyway"

[Uncle Skid]

A man comes homes extremely late at night from the bar. As he walks through the door, his wife is FUMING MAD! She says to him; "you're cheating on me! I know it! this is the latest you've ever came home!"

The man says; "No, baby, I'm not cheating on you. I was at this bar and it had golden urinals, it was beautiful.."

The wife, angry and stressed out, wasn't buying any of it. So she called the bar where her drunken hubby was and said to the bartender: "Hello? My husband is a frequent customer of your bar and he says that your restrooms had golden urinals. Is this true?"

The bartender put his hand over the receiver and said: "Hey, Tom! I think we found the guy who pissed in your saxophone!"

[JSngry]

So, what's the joke here, anyway?

[Herb]

The trombone..........

[rockefeller center]

That's...reality. Ain't no joke there!

Jokes often depend for humour on the unexpected, the mildly taboo (which can include the distasteful or socially improper), or the playing on stereotypes and other cultural beliefs. Many jokes fit into more than one category.

Self-deprecating or self-effacing humor is superficially similar to racial and stereotype jokes, but involves the targets laughing at themselves. It is said to maintain a sense of perspective and to be powerful in defusing confrontations. Probably the best-known and most common example is Jewish humor. The egalitarian tradition was strong among the Jewish communities of Eastern Europe in which the powerful were often mocked subtly. Prominent members of the community were kidded during social gatherings, part a good-natured tradition of humor as a leveling device. A similar situation exists in the Scandinavian "Ole and Lena" joke.

Self-deprecating humor has also been used by politicians, who recognize its ability to acknowledge controversial issues and steal the punch of criticism - for example, when Abraham Lincoln was accused of being two-faced he replied, "If I had two faces, do you think this is the one I’d be wearing?".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke

Edited October 15, 2006 by rockefeller center

[JSngry]

That's...reality. Ain't no joke there!

Jokes often depend for humour on the unexpected, the mildly taboo (which can include the distasteful or socially improper), or the playing on stereotypes and other cultural beliefs. Many jokes fit into more than one category.

Self-deprecating or self-effacing humor is superficially similar to racial and stereotype jokes, but involves the targets laughing at themselves. It is said to maintain a sense of perspective and to be powerful in defusing confrontations. Probably the best-known and most common example is Jewish humor. The egalitarian tradition was strong among the Jewish communities of Eastern Europe in which the powerful were often mocked subtly. Prominent members of the community were kidded during social gatherings, part a good-natured tradition of humor as a leveling device. A similar situation exists in the Scandinavian "Ole and Lena" joke.

Self-deprecating humor has also been used by politicians, who recognize its ability to acknowledge controversial issues and steal the punch of criticism - for example, when Abraham Lincoln was accused of being two-faced he replied, "If I had two faces, do you think this is the one I’d be wearing?".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke

So, what's the joke here, anyway?

[7/4]

A trombone?

[Ken Dryden]

Credited to Russell Malone:

Did you hear about the new Kenny G CD, Kenny G Plays Monk? Among the cuts

are "'Round Noon" and "Straight, No Changes."

[Ken Dryden]

A band is booked to play a party hosted by a mobster. One of his henchmen approaches the leader and says "De Boss wants Come Rain or Come Shine. If I were you, I'd play both."

Edited October 15, 2006 by Ken Dryden