The D I V O R C E Thread

[Epithet]

Many men don't talk to their partners except about their work, or the kids, or the household workings.

What else is there to talk about? Feelings??

[patricia]

Many men don't talk to their partners except about their work, or the kids, or the household workings.

What else is there to talk about? Feelings??

Not unless you really want to know your wife or husband.

Why bother if you don't care what's going on in their mind, as long as your life perks along and somebody is looking after your needs? It's easy to just ignore the subtleties, until it's too late.

That's what I meant about the total surprise of a spouse seemingly, out of nowhere, just up and leaving. It's actually rare that there was no warning, maybe even several warnings. The left spouse just chose to ignore them.

Edited August 1, 2006 by patricia

[Soul Stream]

Not to add any feul to the fire. But most marriages seem to end when one of the partners finds someone else. My brother refused to believe that his wife and good friend had something going....until they married each other six months after the divorce.

[Dmitry]

Not to add any feul to the fire. But most marriages seem to end when one of the partners finds someone else. My brother refused to believe that his wife and good friend had something going....until they married each other six months after the divorce.

I was waiting for someone to mention this.

IMO, 8 out of 10 marriages fail when one of the spouses is cheating. Soul-searching or not, odds are your former spouse was porking someone before the marriage went south.

I've had some married lovers, but noone divorced because of me, I think. Immoral perhaps, but I was in my early to mid twenties, single and had my own apartment. If anything I was being preyed upon by the unfaithful wives. At least I got to fulfill my "older woman" fantasy.

[patricia]

Not to add any feul to the fire. But most marriages seem to end when one of the partners finds someone else. My brother refused to believe that his wife and good friend had something going....until they married each other six months after the divorce.

I was waiting for someone to mention this.

IMO, 8 out of 10 marriages fail when one of the spouses is cheating. Soul-searching or not, odds are your former spouse was porking someone before the marriage went south.

I've had some married lovers, but noone divorced because of me, I think. Immoral perhaps, but I was in my early to mid twenties, single and had my own apartment. If anything I was being preyed upon by the unfaithful wives. At least I got to fulfill my "older woman" fantasy.

So the women tempted you? Sounds right out of Genesis. It's a total cop-out, Dmitry. Sleeping with someone else's spouse, besides being wrong, is a betrayal of the woman's husband. Where is the brotherhood that men seem to be so proud of having? How would you feel about someone who doesn't care about your wife, or worse, trying to get her to leave you, sleeping with her behind your back? Who would you be most angry at?

Which brings me back to my amazement at cheating spouses who insist that their husband or wife doesn't know. In all but a few cases, THEY KNOW. They just don't want to lose their home and the comfort of being married. In fact, many spouses pretend not to know because the guilt that the cheating spouse feels often results in extra attention when the cheater is at home with them. But, don't you think that the loss of trust and respect for the other person in the marriage kills what's most important in the marriage? Then, what's left?

Edited August 1, 2006 by patricia

[chewy-chew-chew-bean-benitez]

yes we agree w/ patty: SHES GOT SOMETHING YOU JUST CAN'T TRUST- SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS......

[DatDere]

My parents divorced when I was 16 years old after years of tension in our household. At that time I really found it pretty tough (and I'm still very cautious of long term relationships myself, can't really see myself settling with one person for the rest of my life), but I'd have to conclude that both my parents ended up being more happy, so I guess it was the best thing to do for them.

Anyway, good luck and all.

[Dan Gould]

Not to add any feul to the fire. But most marriages seem to end when one of the partners finds someone else. My brother refused to believe that his wife and good friend had something going....until they married each other six months after the divorce.

I was waiting for someone to mention this.

IMO, 8 out of 10 marriages fail when one of the spouses is cheating. Soul-searching or not, odds are your former spouse was porking someone before the marriage went south.

I've had some married lovers, but noone divorced because of me, I think. Immoral perhaps, but I was in my early to mid twenties, single and had my own apartment. If anything I was being preyed upon by the unfaithful wives. At least I got to fulfill my "older woman" fantasy.

So the women tempted you? Sounds right out of Genesis. It's a total cop-out, Dmitry. Sleeping with someone else's spouse, besides being wrong, is a betrayal of the woman's husband. Where is the brotherhood that men seem to be so proud of having? How would you feel about someone who doesn't care about your wife, or worse, trying to get her to leave you, sleeping with her behind your back? Who would you be most angry at?

Its not a cop-out at all. Do you presume that Dmitry even knew the husbands???? Why?

As for your question, I don't know but I think I might be most angry at THE WOMAN WHO SWORE SHE WOULD BE FAITHFUL TO ME TIL DEATH DO WE PART.

That's who I'd be most angry with.

[Dmitry]

Not to add any feul to the fire. But most marriages seem to end when one of the partners finds someone else. My brother refused to believe that his wife and good friend had something going....until they married each other six months after the divorce.

I was waiting for someone to mention this.

IMO, 8 out of 10 marriages fail when one of the spouses is cheating. Soul-searching or not, odds are your former spouse was porking someone before the marriage went south.

I've had some married lovers, but noone divorced because of me, I think. Immoral perhaps, but I was in my early to mid twenties, single and had my own apartment. If anything I was being preyed upon by the unfaithful wives. At least I got to fulfill my "older woman" fantasy.

So the women tempted you? Sounds right out of Genesis. It's a total cop-out, Dmitry. Sleeping with someone else's spouse, besides being wrong, is a betrayal of the woman's husband. Where is the brotherhood that men seem to be so proud of having?

Patricia, I'll let you in on a little secret - the brotherhood bylaws are automatically suspended the instant the nipple shows its little smiling face.

Furthermore, here's a Georgia Peach commemorative quarter, go buy yourself a little sense of humor.

[Bright Moments]

most marriages break down when one or more of the five following factors are present (in no particular order):

1 - breach of trust

2 - money problems/issues

3 - childrens' problems/issues

4 - dissatisfaction in the bedroom

5 - control issues between spouses

therapy can sometimes help for items 2 through 4 but when you have item number one, the marriage is very difficult (if not impossible) to repair.

[sheldonm]

Not to add any feul to the fire. But most marriages seem to end when one of the partners finds someone else. My brother refused to believe that his wife and good friend had something going....until they married each other six months after the divorce.

I was waiting for someone to mention this.

IMO, 8 out of 10 marriages fail when one of the spouses is cheating. Soul-searching or not, odds are your former spouse was porking someone before the marriage went south.

I've had some married lovers, but noone divorced because of me, I think. Immoral perhaps, but I was in my early to mid twenties, single and had my own apartment. If anything I was being preyed upon by the unfaithful wives. At least I got to fulfill my "older woman" fantasy.

So the women tempted you? Sounds right out of Genesis. It's a total cop-out, Dmitry. Sleeping with someone else's spouse, besides being wrong, is a betrayal of the woman's husband. Where is the brotherhood that men seem to be so proud of having?

Patricia, I'll let you in on a little secret - the brotherhood bylaws are automatically suspended the instant the nipple shows its little smiling face.

Furthermore, here's a Georgia Peach commemorative quarter, go buy yourself a little sense of humor.

...now that's funny!

[connoisseur series500]

most marriages break down when one or more of the five following factors are present (in no particular order):

1 - breach of trust

2 - money problems/issues

3 - childrens' problems/issues

4 - dissatisfaction in the bedroom

5 - control issues between spouses

therapy can sometimes help for items 2 through 4 but when you have item number one, the marriage is very difficult (if not impossible) to repair.

How about (6) Excessive cd music expenditure?

[connoisseur series500]

Not to add any feul to the fire. But most marriages seem to end when one of the partners finds someone else. My brother refused to believe that his wife and good friend had something going....until they married each other six months after the divorce.

I was waiting for someone to mention this.

IMO, 8 out of 10 marriages fail when one of the spouses is cheating. Soul-searching or not, odds are your former spouse was porking someone before the marriage went south.

I've had some married lovers, but noone divorced because of me, I think. Immoral perhaps, but I was in my early to mid twenties, single and had my own apartment. If anything I was being preyed upon by the unfaithful wives. At least I got to fulfill my "older woman" fantasy.

So the women tempted you? Sounds right out of Genesis. It's a total cop-out, Dmitry. Sleeping with someone else's spouse, besides being wrong, is a betrayal of the woman's husband. Where is the brotherhood that men seem to be so proud of having?

Patricia, I'll let you in on a little secret - the brotherhood bylaws are automatically suspended the instant the nipple shows its little smiling face.

Furthermore, here's a Georgia Peach commemorative quarter, go buy yourself a little sense of humor.

...now that's funny!

I'm with Patty on this one. I don't see any clues in the post that this is just humor and that Dmitry made it up. Patty's reactions are understandable. If I were Dmitry, I wouldn't be too proud of these actions when he was a young man. Now granted, I'm not too happy with some of my actions as a young man either, but that's neither here not there.

[Dmitry]

I'm with Patty on this one. I don't see any clues in the post that this is just humor and that Dmitry made it up. Patty's reactions are understandable. If I were Dmitry, I wouldn't be too proud of these actions when he was a young man. Now granted, I'm not too happy with some of my actions as a young man either, but that's neither here not there.

Well, see, I never had a chance to go to any boom-boom bars in Thailand.

You can breath easy, 'connoisseur series500' , now that I myself am a married man, I have agreed to have been fit with a chastity belt. It's called a cell phone and the wife got the key.

[John Tapscott]

How about (6) Excessive cd music expenditure?

[patricia]

name='Dmitry' date='Aug 1 2006, 08:23 AM' post='534971']

So the women tempted you? Sounds right out of Genesis. It's a total cop-out, Dmitry. Sleeping with someone else's spouse, besides being wrong, is a betrayal of the woman's husband. Where is the brotherhood that men seem to be so proud of having?

Patricia, I'll let you in on a little secret - the brotherhood bylaws are automatically suspended the instant the nipple shows its little smiling face.

Furthermore, here's a Georgia Peach commemorative quarter, go buy yourself a little sense of humor.

Take your Georgia Peach commemorative quarter and......

I was making an honest observation.

I have a sense of humour in good working order.

But, if you think that it's perfectly fine to be the one with whom somebody else's spouse cheats, then that's just sad.

Blaming the woman is as retrogressive as the practice in some Middle Eastern countries that stone adultrous women and let the men in the equation off scot-free.

Are you saying that men are children, not in control of their impulses?

BOTH are at fault and just because Dmitry DIDN'T KNOW THE HUSBAND doesn't exonerate him.

Here we have a thread about the pain of divorce and somehow making an honest observation is suddenly not having a sense of humour.

I just don't believe that the cheating spouse is the only one at fault.

So, shoot me.

Edited August 1, 2006 by patricia

[jazzypaul]

I just don't believe that the cheating spouse is the only one at fault.

So, shoot me.

Sure, there are lots of factors at play probably in every situation. That said, the one that's about to cheat could do one of the following (kinda) honorable things:

1) Leave no doubt as to why you're unhappy. Enough of the stupid dropping hints shit. Make huge poster board signs that say "Our marriage sucks and this is why..."

2) Before you actually cheat, get counseling. And be honest about your feelings.

3) If that doesn't work, get the divorce procedings underway before tappin' that ass.

If a cheating spouse has done those three things, then fine, they're not at fault. If not, then I really and truly hope that they get theirs in the end, because they really have done a completely and totally shitty thing.

And the single guys that are the "ahem" victims of cheating wives? Screw you too. There are more than enough single women out there.

Seeing this thread, right after getting married has made me realize that communication is key in any marriage, and that whole thing of "you can do it if you want to" usually means, "don't do it."

Paul, I wish you the best.

[patricia]

And the single guys that are the "ahem" victims of cheating wives? Screw you too. There are more than enough single women out there.

That's all I'm saying. There is nothing funny about stealing another man's wife, or another woman's husband, even temperarily.

I wish Paul the best as well.

Edited August 1, 2006 by patricia

[rostasi]

Do you mind being called "Patty"?

Rod

[patricia]

Do you mind being called "Patty"?

Rod

That's not my name Rod. But, I don't get apoplectic about it. If the worst thing that someone does is assign me a nickname, I'd consider myself Lady Luck's own tot.

Edited August 1, 2006 by patricia

[Dmitry]

But, if you think that it's perfectly fine to be the one with whom somebody else's spouse cheats, then that's just sad.

Blaming the woman is as retrogressive as the practice in some Middle Eastern countries that stone adultrous women and let the men in the equation off scot-free.

Are you saying that men are children, not in control of their impulses?

BOTH are at fault and just because Dmitry DIDN'T KNOW THE HUSBAND doesn't exonerate him.

Here we have a thread about the pain of divorce and somehow making an honest observation is suddenly not having a sense of humour.

I just don't believe that the cheating spouse is the only one at fault.

So, shoot me.

You mean to tell us that you had an FBI file pulled on every man you ever slept with? Or one or two married ones managed to slip through the cracks [no pun intended]?

[md655321]

You mean to tell us that you had an FBI file pulled on every man you ever slept with? Or one or two married ones managed to slip through the cracks [no pun intended]?

There is a monumental difference between unknowlingly and knowlingly sleeping with another man's wife. I'm with Patricia here. Your actions were reprehensible. Perhaps not as reprehensible as the women's, of course.

[Dmitry]

You mean to tell us that you had an FBI file pulled on every man you ever slept with? Or one or two married ones managed to slip through the cracks [no pun intended]?

There is a monumental difference between unknowlingly and knowlingly sleeping with another man's wife. I'm with Patricia here. Your actions were reprehensible. Perhaps not as reprehensible as the women's, of course.

Really now. What leads you to believe that I didn't find out post-factum, not a priori?

Ever see Belle Du Jour?

[connoisseur series500]

You mean to tell us that you had an FBI file pulled on every man you ever slept with? Or one or two married ones managed to slip through the cracks [no pun intended]?

There is a monumental difference between unknowlingly and knowlingly sleeping with another man's wife. I'm with Patricia here. Your actions were reprehensible. Perhaps not as reprehensible as the women's, of course.

Really now. What leads you to believe that I didn't find out post-factum, not a priori?

Ever see Belle Du Jour?

Well, the way you mentioned the incidents suggested you knew a priori.

[Aggie87]

Really now. What leads you to believe that I didn't find out post-factum, not a priori?

Ever see Belle Du Jour?

The only thing that might suggest that to me is that you state your actions were "immoral perhaps". This seems to imply that you had some knowledge of your partner's marital status beforehand, but chose to engage them anyway.

To me this is also quite different than believing your partner to be single. If you were misled or tricked into believing she (or they) were not married, then I don't think you should have any blame, unless you chose to continue the relationshipo once you did find out they were in fact married.