Michiganisms

[Lazaro Vega]

Are you aware that Jeff Foxworthy is now picking on Michigan? Read on.

(pretty funny and acurate)

1. If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.

2. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.

3. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan.

4. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.

5. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in

Michigan.

6. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan.

7. If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might & nbsp;live in Michigan.

8. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan.

9. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who

dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.

Part 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when . . .

1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to

your blue spruce.

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. Down South to you means Ohio.

16. A brat is something you eat.

17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.

18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.

19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

22. You drink pop and bake with soda.

23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.

24. You can actually drink Vernors without coughing.

25. You know what a Yooper is.

26. You think owning a Honda is Un-American.

27. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.

28. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.

29. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.

30. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your

Michigan friends.

[GregK]

Most of these seem to refer to the Upper Peninsula. I mean, it's not THAT cold, at least in SE Michigan. Even Boston gets colder and snowier than this place. And not being from here, a lot of those (non-weather) references are lost on me, i.e. Foxworthy's 5 through 9.

[Uncle Skid]

What does Foxworthy know about Michigan? Screw him, and that GIT-R-DONE guy, too!

Here's some that I like:

• If you can identify an Ohio accent...
  
• If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.
  
• If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder..
  
• If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop"...
  
• If you know how to play Euchre...
  
• If you know how to spell Euchre.
  

[Jazzmoose]

[*]If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder..

[Big Al]

What does Foxworthy know about Michigan? Screw him, and that GIT-R-DONE guy, too!

Here's some that I like:

• If you can identify an Ohio accent...
  
• If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.
  
• If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder..
  
• If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop"...
  
• If you know how to play Euchre...
  
• If you know how to spell Euchre.
  

Well, it's only because I'm married to a Michiganer that I know those last two.

I've also been informed that NOTHING closes down between the months of November and March. That kind of wimpiness is saved for the DFW area!

[JSngry]

27. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.

28. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.

Explanations, please?

[T.D.]

27. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.

28. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.

Explanations, please?

Geography.

UP = Upper Peninsula (also the source of the "Yoopie" item).

"Thumb" = big piece of land sticking out, like the thumb of an oven mitt (which Michigan, ex-UP, resembles) extending northward from the Detroit area.

I went to college in Michigan (a long-ass time ago), and think most of Foxworthy's traits are lame and applicable to any area with long winters. Other posters (eg Uncle Skid) have listed better ones.

[JSngry]

Thank you!

[Lazaro Vega]

The driving 65 in the snow...

While not the same reminds me of a time when Nessa was driving me to his house around 9 at night sometime in cold February and as he made the right turn into his street it was all black ice and the rear end of the car started to sail towards the front. Chuck has a cigarette in his right hand, driving with his left, and deftly stops the chaos with a quick combination of manic steering and sensible acceleration. We're straight again. He puts the cigarette back in his mouth and laughs, "One handed!"

I so measure distance by time: it's a three hour drive to Chicago or Detroit, etc.

And, yes, this Halloween we designed the costumes to be worn over winter coats. It was cold, rainy, windy, nasty. When Ellie was little we dressed her as a chocolate chip cookie: made out of this brown wool like material, with vinyl "chips" sewn on, you just unzipped an edge and put her in. Cozy.

Since the days of global warming, though, this place just gets completely cloudy with no leaves and temperatures right around 32 to 38 for weeks on end. The first few winters I came to Blue Lake, 150 inches of snow, 120 inches of snow, 110 inches of snow, and cold like it used to be. If you read any of the shipping histories of the Great Lakes it was just insane on the lakes in November -- had to get in before you were frozen in place and had to walk to shore.