It Sucks Getting Old

[Kevin Bresnahan]

But it's better than the alternative.  

I manage a Facebook group for my high school. These days, I find myself posting a lot of obituaries for former classmates. I used to go to Jazz shows and see the greats of yesterday play on stage. Now, with a few exceptions, they are all gone. Even the rock musicians I saw as a young man are passing away slowly but surely. Too many of them are just ghost bands now.

I find myself getting frustrated with some things I see around me and I can only think of:

One of the ones that really bugs me is these idiots texting on their phones while they drive like crazy down the road. I figure one of them is going to kill me or a family member one of these days. It's why I stopped riding a motorcycle. I'm sure that they think I'm just a cranky old man when they see me shaking my head as I pass them. That commercial on TV where they show the driver stop just short of hitting a bunch of kids needs to be re-done and show that driver hitting those kids and cut the commercial with their bodies flying through the air. Maybe that would make an impact?

As a retired engineer, I find myself very very frustrated when something isn't working correctly and customer service people almost universally treat me like I don't know what I'm talking about. Like i just want to complain. The craziest one was when I went into a Toyota service center and told the 20-something kid behind the counter that the Carista app showed a lot of error codes for my car and could they check them out. Afterwards, he said there were no error codes at all. When I showed him the error log, he said, "You must not be using the app right". Oh - old man doesn't know how to use an app! What was I thinking!

One of the most difficult things I've found with getting old is planning your (shortened) future. I always planned to retire and start traveling. I seem to have saved enough money, but my better half is not as sure as I am. But here's the thing - you have no expiration date! I keep telling her that we don't need to save all this money for when we're 85 - if we even make it that far - but she just doesn't seem to want to admit that we're going to die someday. When you budget for retirement, you almost have to enter your own estimated "death" date (or a date where you won't spend as much on "extras" like travel). Even if it's only in your head, that's fucking surreal. You definitely have to do it for stuff like pensions or Social Security so you can decide when to start collecting.

Then there's your health. I wanted to retire early to enjoy a healthy retirement. I did it. I retired early. Then I had health issues. Then my wife had health issues. It's crazy when you are an active person for most of your life but then find yourself unable to do a lot of those things as you got older. I used to love playing volleyball. I can't do it anymore. If I suddenly stop posting here someday, it'll be one of these health issues biting me in the ass.

We'll see how this year goes. We have 4 vacations planned - one down, three to go. Fingers crossed.

[jlhoots]

I empathize with what you are saying. 😎

[kh1958]

 

[Stompin at the Savoy]

We start out life in a highly organized state.  After many years that organization to start to decay.  Eventually organs and critical stuff break down and we can't maintain these structures any further, a big change of state occurs and entropy gets the last laugh.  As I get into the final decades of life I seem to be resigning myself to this gradual loss of organization and slide into decrepitude but I also find my attitudes towards things in the world that I really care about changing, a recognition that my powers to affect change - whatever they once were - are fading fast and I seem to be letting go of tense internal struggles about not wanting to accept stuff; shifting to acceptance of what is and an appreciation for what matters in the time I have left.

[medjuck]

Well I'm 83 and I think you young people are complaining too much.

[Rooster_Ties]

Fortunately my wife and I have been “old fogies, in-training” for about the last 25+ years (something we’ve literally been saying almost that long).

Speaking of which, our 25th wedding anniversary was just this week — and it’ll be 30 years since our first date next month.

We’re hoping for another 25-30 years together (when we’ll be in our mid-to-late 80’s), but only time will tell.  But seeing my dad now at almost 99, I don’t think I want to live too much past 90.

We ended up retiring somewhat early, just in the last year (in our late 50’s) — my wife in March last year, and me just in January of this year — and we feel very fortunate to have been able to do so.

[mikeweil]

 

[Ken Dryden]

I once told a dentist that if I got any more porcelain in my mouth, I would have to rinse with Ty-D-Bol.

The big challenge is when to stop acquiring stuff, I don't want to leave my heirs with too much stuff to dispose of after I'm gone.

[Kevin Bresnahan]

2 hours ago, Ken Dryden said:

I once told a dentist that if I got any more porcelain in my mouth, I would have to rinse with Ty-D-Bol.

The big challenge is when to stop acquiring stuff, I don't want to leave my heirs with too much stuff to dispose of after I'm gone.

Waaaayyy too late for me when it comes to leaving too much stuff. If I don't purge my CDs & LPs in the coming years, my survivors will have a ton of them. Don't even get me started on my tool bench/garage area. I am a bit of a pack rat when it comes to spare nuts & bolts and I inherited all of my father's stuff too. I have more screwdrivers than I'll ever need.

10 hours ago, Rooster_Ties said:

Fortunately my wife and I have been “old fogies, in-training” for about the last 25+ years (something we’ve literally been saying almost that long).

Speaking of which, our 25th wedding anniversary was just this week — and it’ll be 30 years since our first date next month.

We’re hoping for another 25-30 years together (when we’ll be in our mid-to-late 80’s), but only time will tell.  But seeing my dad now at almost 99, I don’t think I want to live too much past 90.

We ended up retiring somewhat early, just in the last year (in our late 50’s) — my wife in March last year, and me just in January of this year — and we feel very fortunate to have been able to do so.

Congrats on the 25th. This year, my wife & I will celebrate 39 years of marriage. We started dating 46 years ago. For our 25th anniversary, we went to Paris. For our 40th, we're thinking about Italy.

[mikeweil]

3 hours ago, Ken Dryden said:

The big challenge is when to stop acquiring stuff, I don't want to leave my heirs with too much stuff to dispose of after I'm gone.

Oh yes!

[NIS]

At 76 years old I am finding  all your comments in this thread very interesting.  We are considering downsizing to an apartment in a retirement kind of community.  Even though we've only lived in our home for 12 years, the thought of "purging" not just my music collection but every thing else is really daunting.  It is also kind of sad deciding what to do with old family items that nobody wants.  

 

[AllenLowe]

Just turned 72; I would say the cancer thing aged me about an extra 10 years. It's strange getting old; I can out-play and out-compose most younger musicians, but the industry sees me as aged out, nearing some kind of unofficial retirement age. But after almost dying and then losing about 5 years I am just getting started. Though I am going to start liquidating my CD collection (though I don't know, yet, how).  PTSD after 25 surgeries is the killer, night terrors, waking up; then being told that Chemo damaged my inner ear and is why I tend to get dizzy - so another thing is trying not to fall. Which is also a little scary, especially since I am in NYC a lot climbing subway stairs.

But musically: fuck it all, there is a documentary coming out about me, I have a 3-CD set coming out, and a new group called the Avant Roots Quartet that is as good as any in the world. Really. So I am not going gentle into that retirement home. Gigging maybe 4 times a year, which sucks, but that's the way it's gonna be. 

[scooter_phx]

I, too, am old.  I turned 65 this year.  All the doctor visits are getting me down.  I blacked out a week ago and bounced my head off of the porcelain throne.  Gave me the worst shiner I've ever had.  So, I listen to music.  I used to listen to Sun Ra but now find it's too much for me to comprehend.  I love Mingus but that too, is problematic.  It's interesting that my taste in music is for lack of a better term, "narrowing".  Challenging music that I used to enjoy is difficult to follow now.  I guess that's my version of Stolen Moments.

[Kevin Bresnahan]

3 hours ago, NIS said:

At 76 years old I am finding  all your comments in this thread very interesting.  We are considering downsizing to an apartment in a retirement kind of community.  Even though we've only lived in our home for 12 years, the thought of "purging" not just my music collection but every thing else is really daunting.  It is also kind of sad deciding what to do with old family items that nobody wants.  

We actually downsized almost 10 years ago now. We were living in this big house in Atkinson, NH when I came in from clearing the snow after another blizzard dumped 2 more feet on us and I saw myself in the hallway mirror. My face was purple. I asked my wife where she wanted to retire and she said, "Here", so I said, "Then plan on being a widow, because this driveway is going to kill me".

We started shopping that week. I wanted to move to a condo in a city like Cambridge, MA, Newburyport, MA or Portsmouth, NH when my brother decided to move up to his beach house in York, ME. I checked the prices and I checked the frequency of major snowfall and we decided to settle up here. We still get snow, not nearly as much as we got in the boonies of NH and the driveway is a hell of a lot smaller, so that part's been good. But I lost a lot of living space moving here. The biggest PITA was downsizing my wine cellar. I used to have a shelving system in my cellar in NH. The basement here is finished, so I had to buy a wine fridge, which holds a lot less wine than my wine racks did.

3 hours ago, AllenLowe said:

Just turned 72; I would say the cancer thing aged me about an extra 10 years. It's strange getting old; I can out-play and out-compose most younger musicians, but the industry sees me as aged out, nearing some kind of unofficial retirement age. But after almost dying and then losing about 5 years I am just getting started. Though I am going to start liquidating my CD collection (though I don't know, yet, how).  PTSD after 25 surgeries is the killer, night terrors, waking up; then being told that Chemo damaged my inner ear and is why I tend to get dizzy - so another thing is trying not to fall. Which is also a little scary, especially since I am in NYC a lot climbing subway stairs.

But musically: fuck it all, there is a documentary coming out about me, I have a 3-CD set coming out, and a new group called the Avant Roots Quartet that is as good as any in the world. Really. So I am not going gentle into that retirement home. Gigging maybe 4 times a year, which sucks, but that's the way it's gonna be. 

The cancer thing only turned my hair gray. But then again, I didn't need chemo, so that was good. It's the heart stuff that I worry about.

You're lucky that your profession actually rewards experience with improved skills. I retired after 41 years as an electrical engineer and near the end, the kids knew the newer technologies much better than I did, so it was getting a lot harder to stay ahead of them. My only saving grace was that I specialized in RF technologies and RF is RF like a B♭ is a B♭.  

[medjuck]

27 minutes ago, Kevin Bresnahan said:

We actually downsized almost 10 years ago now. We were living in this big house in Atkinson, NH when I came in from clearing the snow after another blizzard dumped 2 more feet on us and I saw myself in the hallway mirror. My face was purple. I asked my wife where she wanted to retire and she said, "Here", so I said, "Then plan on being a widow, because this driveway is going to kill me".

We started shopping that week. I wanted to move to a condo in a city like Cambridge, MA, Newburyport, MA or Portsmouth, NH when my brother decided to move up to his beach house in York, ME. I checked the prices and I checked the frequency of major snowfall and we decided to settle up here. We still get snow, not nearly as much as we got in the boonies of NH and the driveway is a hell of a lot smaller, so that part's been good. But I lost a lot of living space moving here. The biggest PITA was downsizing my wine cellar. I used to have a shelving system in my cellar in NH. The basement here is finished, so I had to buy a wine fridge, which holds a lot less wine than my wine racks did.

 

When I was growing up in New Brunswick Canada people (not me) would vacation in Ogunquit which is down your way I believe. 

[Kevin Bresnahan]

20 minutes ago, medjuck said:

When I was growing up in New Brunswick Canada people (not me) would vacation in Ogunquit which is down your way I believe. 

Ogunquit is one town north of me. It's a nice little town. We go there often, particularly to visit their restaurants. We have been missing our Canadian friends lately. There used to be a lot of Canadian tourists visiting our beaches down here in Maine but not last year and not likely this year either.