tonym

All the belated best Hans.

An Australian ventriloquist, visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun. Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?" Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie." Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Villager: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Dog: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Villager: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool" Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Horse: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Villager: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Villager: "The sheep's a f***ing liar!"

It is reported this morning that Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the President exclaimed . "That's terrible!" His staff sat stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sat, head in hands. Finally, the President looked up and asked , "How many is a brazillion?"

A man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued... "May I ask what the turkey did?"

The lady of the house was rather taken by her cars, and asked this question of her husband: "Could you buy me something that goes from 0 to 100 in less than 4 seconds - preferably in light blue?" Christmas drew nearer and nearer, and her husband, as always, decided to fulfil her wish. Kilograms by the way, not lbs.....

A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the man. "4 cents," the bartender replied. "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender! replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."

A friens od mine in Holland has this for sale, so I told him I'd post it here: his description: near mint vinyl, dented but still almost new looking cover, paper insert and all. Pm me for details.

I'd never consider a Lotus unless they started putting huge engines in them, and putting them in the correct place too . You know what it stands for don't you? Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious. Whereas TVR is derived from the name 'Trevor' the company's founder. You can't really go wrong with Trevor can you? Thanks for the comment though, unless you were referring to the Lotus!!!

Rover (so Buick I suppose) V8 and gearbox, Ford diff and brakes, the rest is TVR, which could mean anything!

Is that a Spider? l to r: Lotus Elise, my TVR 350i, TVR 280i FHC, TVR Tuscan Speed Six.

Turn to drink.

One more which I like:

Wow, that is gorgeous mate. Very nice indeed. Some other impressive looking motors too on this thread. Here's my occasional runaround, the blue 'un. 1986 and still going strong.

Happy Birthday Jeff.

have another day celebrating Patricia!

belated greetings mate...

have a great day, and a great year!!!

Stinko???? Wash your mouth out!!! Actually I find lots of Stanko's playing has real fire to it and having seen him live he can pull it off effortlessly. The discussed album is IMO fantastic, this quartet should have made dozens of discs together. It's quite sprawling for it's short length and comes together marvellously for the last tune, Blancasnow.

and ya don't sqeak when you sneeze. Or snort

WD 40. Which you can also dissolve cocaine in apparently. Handy for that potential drugs bust scenario.

and what do our fellas get? Bus passes (true) and smoky Peugeot diesel vans. And some Volvos that don't look that hot, handle like pigs in shopping trolleys and don't go that quick

Tord Gustavsen, two days ago. Smitten.

Thanks gents for those messages and sexy pics Two nice discs were given as presents and a bottle of Ardbeg and I took a trip to York with my wife for tea and a mooch around. Gran Turismo 4 was keepin me up til 3am (only had a PS2 for a few days and Joanne bought me this game) where I managed to cane a new Tuscan, a 60's Pontiac GTO and a NSX around Laguna Seca and it's infamous 'corkscrew'. Swapped ends a few times though hitting those corner exits haven't been on my bike for a few days because of the snow around here but we had an almighty thaw last night, the rivers high and we're back to autumnal temperatures. I have a whole load of driving to do tomorrow so I'll hit the road agin on Monday in earnest. Shake off those Christmas pounds...or is it Euros??? Thanks for the note Flurin, you'll enjoy the disc immensely. Happy new year everyone, make it a safe, happy and healthy one.

Many of them. Cheers mate!!!

My son gave me the most amazing picture I've ever been presented with (I'll have to take a pic and post it tomorrow); a collage of tissue paper and foil chocolate wrappers made out to be my car. He spent a l-o-n-g time creating it with his mum last week. Also received the Band Of Brothers box which I'm about to embark upon now -- essential vewing even if I will go to bed upset.