connoisseur series500

No, don't close the thread. No more from me. It's an honest and meaninful topic.

Doesn't it state in your thread title that "rants" are welcome?

I'm sorry, Paul, for my participation in that interlude. To Dmitry: You are correct in stating that one should not be so quick to make value judgements. In my case, I felt compelled to respond to what I viewed as bragging about sleeping with married women. I interpreted it as bragging, anway. That was what I was opposed to. My intention was not necessarily to make value judgements.

There is a monumental difference between unknowlingly and knowlingly sleeping with another man's wife. I'm with Patricia here. Your actions were reprehensible. Perhaps not as reprehensible as the women's, of course. Really now. What leads you to believe that I didn't find out post-factum, not a priori? Ever see Belle Du Jour? Well, the way you mentioned the incidents suggested you knew a priori. Maybe you should reserve your judgements for something you really know about. I am sure such topic exists. As it stands, you owe me an apology. For what? Bragging about sexual conquests of married women? Hey Dude, what you do is between yourself and the parties involved. Just don't expect to come on the board bragging about this crap without expecting to be challenged about it. "Boom-Boom" Conn BTW, read my responses. Where was I being rude to you? I merely said that I woudn't be so proud of such behavior, and I stand by that. You on the other hand, responded quite rudely.

There is a monumental difference between unknowlingly and knowlingly sleeping with another man's wife. I'm with Patricia here. Your actions were reprehensible. Perhaps not as reprehensible as the women's, of course. Really now. What leads you to believe that I didn't find out post-factum, not a priori? Ever see Belle Du Jour? Well, the way you mentioned the incidents suggested you knew a priori.

I was waiting for someone to mention this. IMO, 8 out of 10 marriages fail when one of the spouses is cheating. Soul-searching or not, odds are your former spouse was porking someone before the marriage went south. I've had some married lovers, but noone divorced because of me, I think. Immoral perhaps, but I was in my early to mid twenties, single and had my own apartment. If anything I was being preyed upon by the unfaithful wives. At least I got to fulfill my "older woman" fantasy. So the women tempted you? Sounds right out of Genesis. It's a total cop-out, Dmitry. Sleeping with someone else's spouse, besides being wrong, is a betrayal of the woman's husband. Where is the brotherhood that men seem to be so proud of having? Patricia, I'll let you in on a little secret - the brotherhood bylaws are automatically suspended the instant the nipple shows its little smiling face. Furthermore, here's a Georgia Peach commemorative quarter, go buy yourself a little sense of humor. ...now that's funny! I'm with Patty on this one. I don't see any clues in the post that this is just humor and that Dmitry made it up. Patty's reactions are understandable. If I were Dmitry, I wouldn't be too proud of these actions when he was a young man. Now granted, I'm not too happy with some of my actions as a young man either, but that's neither here not there.

How about (6) Excessive cd music expenditure?

Again, that's fine. Don't need to explain any further. This is for Andy as well: bear in mind, that we are all a mix here. To this day, I still hold a British passport. I am a dual US/UK citizen. I have one parent born in the EU, and one older sibling born in the EU. No need to present this as an US v. Europe type of thing. Some of us straddle both sides, though in my case, I am definitely "New World!" Now, back to Mel...

I'll help you out, Denis. Just PM me. OK, I got your first PM. Paul

I don't think that it's a matter of women brewing for years and then just suddenly giving their partner the boot. Quite often the woman puts up with an untenable, to her, situation, hoping that it will change for the better. Of course she should say what's bothering her. Many times she isn't sure whether if she does say something, what she says will not be interpreted as PMS, or the estrogen talking and simply dismissed as nagging by her partner. Many women just don't want to make waves if they aren't prepared to leave. The leaving doesn't usually happen out of nowhere, although it may seem to. Also, women and men leave marriages and long-term relationships for different reasons. For example, women will put up with infidelity, horrible intimate relations, even alcoholism before they will leave, if they have children. That applies to other problems as well, if they think their partner doesn't listen to them. Even a bad marriage may seem better than deciding to raise kids on your own. So, they stay. Their men will actually believe that their wives don't know about long-term infidelity just because they haven't told them. Believe me, women ALWAYS know about cheating eventually. They just choose, for whatever reason, to put up with it. Bad sex by itself is not the cause of a marriage deteriorating. It's more often a symptom of a general lack of communication. Women usually don't want to totally shatter whatever calmness is in their marriage either. So, quite often women will only leave a bad marriage after years, sometimes decades of burying their own unhappiness until they can actually survive on their own. It's not always the snap decision that it may seem, but one that has been coming for many years. Just because there are no fights doesn't mean that everything is fine. To be sure, just hoping for change is not the same thing as actively trying to air out her problems with the relationship. But, there are many men who just tune their partner out when she attempts to talk to them about feelings and her partner takes from that that her guy isn't interested in really talking to her. This festers over several years of a marriage that is dying. Many men don't talk to their partners except about their work, or the kids, or the household workings. THEY DON'T LISTEN to subtle undercurrents and so the breakup, when it comes, is a total surprise to them. The sudden end to a long-term relationship is a shock that cannot be healed by simply seeking out another partner to fill the void. Take time for reflection. Don't look for a replacement until you know that you are not choosing someone exactly the same as the one who left you. I have friends who have married the same kind of person over and over, with the same results over and over. Being on your own is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Great post, Patty. Also very scary for me, becuase I don't disucss much with my wife. We act more like roommates than soulmates most of the time, but our marriage has also lasted 19 years (plus lived together two years before that.) Who knows how it will all end. I side with Joe's comments. I am virtually helpless to control life. I can control the little things, but as you age, you realize how helpless we really are.

That's just it. We have no control. I'm still married yet I feel I have no control as to the final outcome. This thread is pertinent to us all, whether we are divorced or still married. Our relationships are in a permanent state of becoming. Some will sunder; others will linger; and others will last. We are all in just different stages of the process, that's all.

Good luck Darko. I think the blazer will do just fine.

I don't have much more to add, Paul, since I've never been through it. As mentioned to you in the past, however, it seems like most marriages hang by a thread. What seems good today can change if one, say, loses a job or something. You and I have discussed this a little already. Don't blame yourself. It's not necessarily YOU. It's her loss. She has elected to go her way. Nothing we can do about it. All of us here know what a good guy you are and how amenable and considerate you are to others. She won't get that anywhere else...

Thanks for the explanation, Ubu. We're cool...

We should always give people a chance. Banning is anti-American. Whether you liked DEEP or not, he did contribute some knowledge and humor. Aric? Well, I'm with you on that one. (But others might disagree with me.) Wolff needs a one-way ticket out of here.

I quote this as an answer to Couw's comments. Ubu's statement, truncated as it is, is entirely true. It's the stupid mimicking of an American accent, which I object to. It may surprise you that most Americans do not speak like Texans. Hopefully, you can see what I was referring about escalating this, Couw. I've made my point, I'm sure, and shall bow out of this.

I ordered the box on 7/18 and haven't yet received shipping confirmation. Hey, if it's sold out, it's sold out. I'm not going to worry about it.

I believe you've already made your point clear, and we are all in agreement with you. In the meantime, do I detect an anti-Americanism in your counterattacks? No need to escalate this.

Enough already! Nobody is siding with the guy. You are hardly endearing yourself to people with your counter-rants. Chill.

Who supports him? Deep leavened his insults with humor. This guy just rants. Nobody will miss him.

Absolutely disgusting. By the way, Michael Caine is English... And John Candy is Canadian.

Man, I believe you. But seriously, sounds annoying and here's to hoping you guys get it cleared up shortly.