JSngry

A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS,excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders-just as the Enron or WorldCom guys. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi. "Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked. "A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way..."Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the I.R.S." "The I.R.S.?," questioned the auditor in disbelief. "Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, " the I.R.S. " ...and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

9 Things I Hate About Everyone 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Go Kick their ass! 5. When people say while watching a film "did yo u see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. 8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Dialect humor, anybody? Thibodeaux was driving his car past Boudreaux's house and saw a Sign that read: "Boat For Sale". Thibodeaux marches up to Boudreaux's front porch and wraps hard on the door and Boudreaux opens it. Thibodeaux say, "Boudreaux! How long we ban frands?" Boudreaux say, "Well... All our lives Thibodeaux." Thibodeaux say, "Why don't you told me you gotta boat?" Boudreaux say, "I ant gotta boat!" Thibodeaux say, "Da' sign say 'BOAT FOR SALE'". Boudreaux say, "OH-NO Thibodeaux! See dat old '72 Frd pickem'up truck over-dare." Thibodeaux say, "Yas, I see dat old pickem'up truck." Boudreaux say, "See dat '76 Cheverloet Ce-dan." Thibodeaux say, "Yas, I see dat Ce-dan." Boudreaux say, "Well, dey boat for sale." ==================================================== A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives......... "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate us anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, Our marines could blow the shit out of him."

Happy Birthday! How are things in guacamole?

Hey now hey! If I was a dead football coach, my name would be Tom Laundry - I've been doing the warsh (Deep East Texas pronunciation) for about 30 years now, 20 years for two, almost 18 for three, and 13 years for four, so I know all about the overstated "recommended" amounts (kinda like "Lather. Rinse. Repeat." - I don't THINK so!), powder vs liquid, and letting the soap dissolve. It ain't about none of that, trust me! There just seems to be some ingredient in Tide (ALL varieties!) that irritates our skin, and it seems that some of you have a similar reaction to at least some forms of Tide, as well as other products. You know what works best for us in all regards is Wisk. When we got one of those HE washers, we had to go back to Tide because that was the only HE soap that the supermarket we shop at carries, and I don't really care for "grocery" shopping to take more than one stop if I can keep from it. BUT - a few weeks ago, I was in Target (you know, Wal-Mart for humans ), and I was pleasantly surprise to see that they carried a "full" selection of HE detergent brands, including Wisk. So know we're cool. I can go to Target every once in a while, buy socks, drawers, Wisk HE, and a random kitchen gadget. Life is good in America!

Crate diggers & jazz fans benefit from each others often dichotomous tastes.

Todd Barkan seems to be emerging as an inveterate taper, so...

I'd blame kook.

"Dear Sir" is one of the baddest things anybody's ever done, period.

Half the clutter of mine, but twice the space!

Way to go! Keep an eye on your escrow account - mortgage companies can legally put you through some changes about it. Don't necessarily believe the numbers you were quoted at closing - it's not unheard of for the "estimates" for taxes and insurance (mostly taxes, since you probably lined up your own insurance) to be lower so the monthly payment looks more appealing. Do some reserach ASAP to find out what your REAL tax bill will be, and get the momey into your escrow account so you can avoid a surprise escrow shortage next year. Mortgage companies are allowed by law to have a full years + two months worth of tax and insurance calculated into your monthly payment. They are also legally allowed to "estimate" future increases for same. If you overpay, you get a refund at the end of the annual cycle, but if your escrow account is "underfunded" at the time of the annual analysis, they give you the option of paying in a lump sum or spreading the increase out over the next twelve months. This catches a LOT of people off guard, because if the mortgage company underestimated to a significant enough degree, your monthly payment can increase quite a bit. And it's all legal. Also, if you haven't signed up for some sort of automatic payment plan (a wise idea if practical, I think. Eliminates the chances of those pesky late fees), make sure you understand EXACTLY how your mortgage company (or, in all liklihood, the company that will soon assume your loan, either outright or through servicing rights) handles their payment processing in regard to coupons, automatic distribution of any excess funds paid, etc. I've been working in the payment processing department of a major mortgage company, and the problems I see created by the combination of an uninformed customer meeting an automated distribution system are seemingly infinite. Every company has a procedeure, as well as a way to override it, but unless you know how their system works, you can end up spending hours on the phone w/the customer servive department trying to straighten things out, and knowing your, uh, "low tolerance" for apathy and ineptitude, I'd think that that would be something you'd want to avoid for the sake of everybody concerned. A bit of a hassle sure, but that's just the cost of doing business. Home ownership is a beautiful thing, no matter how much hassle is involved. Forty acres and a mule it ain't, but it's the next best thing. Congratulations again!

Any indication what that might be?

http://www.woodyshaw.com/index.htm Not fully construcred yet, but hey...

No, although I do prefer not doing laundry, but that's a different matter altogether... This is a serious inquiry. Really!

No, I'm not gathering anecdotal evidence for a class-action suit or anything like that. I'm just curious. Over the years, we buy Tide for a while, and every time, we have to stop after a month or so because it the laundry we wash with it irritates my son's skin as well as mine. We switch to a different detergent, and the problems clear up almost immediately. We have this problem even with Tide Free. Obviously, there's something in Tide that does not agree with our skin, and it's equally obvious that it's not something that intereferes with most other people, given the detergent's popularity. But like I said, I'm just curious - does Tide irritate YOUR skin?

Does Steve Beresford have a history as a student/protege/whatever of Stan Tracey?

They gotcha' hooked, don't they... Face it: Dusty Groove = the BASTARDS!

Oh yeah, Milt Grayson. as well.

Jimmy Grissom! Rock City Rock, baby!

I found OMAHA BBQ in the cutout bins about 20 years ago, and it's a trip. Most of it has the "Sea Hunt" sound, which is what I call it when the vibes play sustained chords with the tremelo/vibtato/whatever turned ALL the way up. But the last 2-3 cuts are good ol' jump blues. Emmenintly satisfying, they are.

The Queen Bea!

What's cracking me up is that I bought the Absolute Beginners ST on secondhand cassette about 3 years ago because I'm an aspiring Gil Evans completist and that was the only way I could find it, but was so unmotivated to actually listen to it due to all the pans it's received that this is the firsttime I've heard anything from it! But that defintiely explains my enthusiasm for the intro, before it gets silly. THAT'S writing!

Can't forget this one! Seems like the 1949 session w/Getz, Zoot, & Brew Moore is the more "famous", but for my money, the 1952 date w/Zoot, Kai Winding, George Wallington, Percy Heath, & Art Blakey (it's hard to imagine putting a rhythm section like that together today, and not just because 2/3 of them are dead) is infintiely more satisfying. One of my favorite albums of the "Brothers" ilk.

Well, hey. I dig her very much. I like her audaciousness and her willingness to not be a "singer of songs" as much as a "vocal interpreter" who took somewhat the same approach to the material that a horn player might. Not for nothing did she title one of her albums "It's Not About The Melody". Nor, apparently, was it about the words. What and where does that leave a singer to work with? It leaves them working without a net and just with their imagination. I can see how Carter's approach is off-putting to some, and I don't doubt that she could safely be classified as an "accquired taste". But it's definitely a taste that I have accquired. And seeing her live, sitting off to the side of the bandstand and behind her was one of the most intense listening experiences I've ever had. The only time I got to see her face was when she turned around to face the band, and she only turned around to face the band when she wanted them to go somewhere other than where they were. I tell you, if I was working that gig, I'd be ready for ANYTHING at any time, and if I missed picking up on her direction, I think I'd sleep with one eye open that night. Hell, I kinda got nervous just WATCHING it. That's how focused and intense she was. But the looks nad the demenor paid off - the band swung their ass of, and followed Betty to some pretty wild places. Like I said, not for everybody, no doubt, that kind of thng, but I sure dug it. Different strokes for different fokes!