Big Al Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 You see a basket of raspberries at the market and release a tiger to defend yourself Your forehead has red marks from chanting and whapping yourself with a book You have an unnatural compulsion to say SHUT UP whenever someone mentions a pointed stick (SHUT UP!) Your walk isn't particularly silly, but you keep trying nonetheless You think the song "16 tons" was inspired by Monty Python, not the other way around Quote
AllenLowe Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 I want to fondle your buttocks Quote
catesta Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 I want to fondle your buttocks You played pro football? Quote
Shawn Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I am no longer infected! Drop your panties, I cannot wait till lunchtime! Quote
catesta Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 The Black Knight: Have at you! King Arthur: You're indeed brave sir knight, but the fight is mine. The Black Knight: Oh, had enough, aye? King Arthur: Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left. The Black Knight: Yes I have. King Arthur: Look! The Black Knight: Just a flesh wound. Quote
Shawn Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 "Your American beer is a little like making love in a canoe...it's fucking close to water." Quote
Bright Moments Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Quote
AllenLowe Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 this record is scratched bouncy bouncy Quote
WorldB3 Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 Reg: Yeah. All right. I'll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done. Matthias: And the roads. Reg: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don't they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads-- Commando: Irrigation. Xerxes: Medicine. Commandos: Huh? Heh? Huh... Commando 2: Education. Commandos: Ohh... Reg: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough. Commando 1: And the wine. Commandos: Oh, yes. Yeah... Francis: Yeah. Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh. Commando: Public baths. Loretta: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg. Francis: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it. They're the only ones who could in a place like this. Commandos: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh. Reg: But apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us? Xerxes: Brought peace? Reg: Oh, peace? Shut up Quote
Noj Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force! FRENCH GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt! GALAHAD: What a strange person. ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man-- FRENCH GUARD: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Quote
catesta Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 Coordinator: Crucifixion? Mr. Cheeky: Ah, no. Freedom. Coordinator: What? Mr. Cheeky: Eh, freedom for me. they said I hadn't done anything, so I could go and live on an island somewhere. Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then. Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really. Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well... Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out the door, one cross each, line on the left. Quote
sidewinder Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 (edited) (a customer walks in the door.) Customer: Good Morning. Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium! Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man. Owner: What can I do for you, Sir? C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish. O: Peckish, sir? C: Esuriant. O: Eh? C: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike! O: Ah, hungry! C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles! O: Come again? C: I want to buy some cheese. O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player! C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse! O: Sorry? C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too! O: So he can go on playing, can he? C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man. O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like? C: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester. O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir. C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit? O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday. C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please. O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning. C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese? O: Sorry, sir. C: Red Windsor? O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down. C: Ah. Stilton? O: Sorry. C: Ementhal? Gruyere? O: No. C: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance. O: No. C: Lipta? O: No. C: Lancashire? O: No. C: White Stilton? O: No. C: Danish Brew? O: No. C: Double Goucester? O: <pause> No. C: Cheshire? O: No. C: Dorset Bluveny? O: No. C: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson? O: No. C: Camenbert, perhaps? O: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir. C: (suprised) You do! Excellent. O: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny... C: Oh, I like it runny. O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir. C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah! O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir. C: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed. O: Oooooooooohhh........! <pause> C: What now? O: The cat's eaten it. C: <pause> Has he. O: She, sir. (pause) C: Gouda? O: No. C: Edam? O: No. C: Case Ness? O: No. C: Smoked Austrian? O: No. C: Japanese Sage Darby? O: No, sir. C: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you? O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got-- C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess. O: Fair enough. C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale. O: Yes? C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that! O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name. (pause) C: Greek Feta? O: Uh, not as such. C: Uuh, Gorgonzola? O: no C: Parmesan, O: no C: Mozarella, O: no C: Paper Cramer, O: no C: Danish Bimbo, O: no C: Czech sheep's milk, O: no C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese? O: Not *today*, sir, no. (pause) C: Aah, how about Cheddar? O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir. C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world! O: Not 'round here, sir. C: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah? O: Ilchester', sir. C: IS it. O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire. C: Is it. O: It's our number one best seller, sir! C: I see. Uuh...'Ilchester, eh? O: Right, sir. C: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'. O: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno. C: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it? O: Finest in the district! C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please. O: Well, it's so clean, sir! C: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.... O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir. C: Would it be worth it? O: Could be.... C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF! O: Told you sir.... C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger? O: No. C: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me: O: Yessir? C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all. O: Yes,sir. C: Really? (pause) O: No. Not really, sir. C: You haven't. O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir. C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you. O: Right-0, sir. The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner. C: What a *senseless* waste of human life. Edited February 3, 2009 by sidewinder Quote
sidewinder Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 Reginald Maudling's left.......elbow? Quote
The Magnificent Goldberg Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=J4oKXagF3IE MG Quote
The Magnificent Goldberg Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 And the first half of the show that preceded Monty Python, including the famous "Chartered accountant" sketch. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=mVDnwuw3N0Y&...feature=related MG Quote
JSngry Posted February 3, 2009 Report Posted February 3, 2009 It's been very seldom, in fact, well neigh never, that living in the Greater Dallas Metropolitan Area has provided any distinct cultural advantage over anyplace else in this great round world of ours, but.... KERA, Dallas' PBS outlet, was the first station in the US to air Monty Python, and I, quite by accident, was in front of the tv watching it when they did. Believe me, within 10 minutes, I was on the phone to all my friends telling them to turn on Channel 13. And believe me, they all called back afterwards with a big bunch of deliriously ecstatic WTF!!!s. http://www.dailyllama.com/news/2006/llama311.html Quote
_forumlogo.png.a607ef20a6e0c299ab2aa6443aa1f32e.png)
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.