GA Russell Posted January 29, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2022 Since ghosts can walk through walls, how come they don't fall thru floors? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serioza Posted January 30, 2022 Report Share Posted January 30, 2022 There are three men on a boat. A Serb, a Bulgarian, and an Arnaut. Sea monster shows up and tells them that he will kill them if they can't throw something he can't find into the ocean. The Arnaut throws in a grain of rice. Sea monster dives in and comes back with the rice after a few hours. He kills the Arnaut. The Serb throws a grain of sand into the ocean. After a few days, sea monster retrieves it and kills the Serb. Sea monster looks expectantly at the Bulgarian, who then proceeds to throw an Alka-Seltzer into the ocean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 30, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2022 You moon the wrong person at an office party, and suddenly you're not professional anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted January 31, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2022 Oh, you hate your job. Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 1, 2022 Report Share Posted February 1, 2022 1 hour ago, GA Russell said: Oh, you hate your job. Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. That's not funny, that's enabling! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 2, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2022 (edited) What is it about people who repair shoes that makes them so good at cutting keys? Edited February 2, 2022 by GA Russell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster_Ties Posted February 2, 2022 Report Share Posted February 2, 2022 2 hours ago, GA Russell said: What is it about people who repair shoes that makes them so good at cutting keys? That’s a certifiable Andy Rooneyism right there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Dryden Posted February 2, 2022 Report Share Posted February 2, 2022 The local forensic center has a dead end sign behind it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillF Posted February 2, 2022 Report Share Posted February 2, 2022 Joke told by actress Maureen Lipman: Three men arrive at the pearly gates and St Peter asks the first "What did you earn when you were on earth?" - "200K" - "Go and sit over there with the lawyers." To the second man he asks the same. -"100K" "Go and sit over there with the accountants." To the same question the third man answers "15K". St Peter exclaims, "Wonderful! Have I seen you in anything?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 3, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2022 My parents didn't want to move to Florida; but they turned sixty, and that's the law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 3, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2022 An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 3, 2022 Report Share Posted February 3, 2022 28 minutes ago, GA Russell said: A good friend will help you move a dead body. And a good feral hog will remove it. Finish the job or don't start it at all, that's what I always say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 5, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2022 Ability is what will get you to the top, if the boss doesn't have a daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 5, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2022 If you want to know how old a woman is, just ask her sister-in-law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 6, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2022 Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster_Ties Posted February 6, 2022 Report Share Posted February 6, 2022 9 minutes ago, GA Russell said: Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something. That sounds like a Mitch Hedberg joke. I mean, it is a Mitch Hedberg joke, but it sounds like one too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 6, 2022 Report Share Posted February 6, 2022 What, these aren't original compositions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 6, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2022 I had to look Mitch Hedberg up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 8, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2022 Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 8, 2022 Report Share Posted February 8, 2022 Because they play the stock market instead? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted February 8, 2022 Report Share Posted February 8, 2022 Well for one thing, "you got to be in it to win it," as the old ads used to say, and the cost of admission is $1-2 vs a helluva lot more, to win the same money trading stocks. Unless, you know, there's a $2 share of stock you can buy that will magically turn into $200 million. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GA Russell Posted February 9, 2022 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2022 Why do people say, "Life is short?" Life is the longest thing anyone ever does. What can you do that's longer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 9, 2022 Report Share Posted February 9, 2022 Live in your eternal non-earthjy plane? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Nessa Posted February 9, 2022 Report Share Posted February 9, 2022 25 minutes ago, JSngry said: Live in your eternal non-earthjy plane? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted February 9, 2022 Report Share Posted February 9, 2022 Goodness gracious great balsa flyer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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