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GA Russell

Joke of the Day

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How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

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Ronnie Scott talking about his home town.

The seagulls fly upside down. 

Because there's nothing worth shitting on. 

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Paul Desmond -

That's the way the world ends, not with a whim, but a banker.

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On 11/01/2022 at 3:52 PM, robertoart said:

Ronnie Scott talking about his home town.

The seagulls fly upside down. 

Because there's nothing worth shitting on. 

Probably not his home town, as Ronnie was a Londoner. More likely a sardonic comment on a small town where he'd played.

Here are others from him on the same theme:

"Last night they nuked Stockton-on-Tees. Did £3.50 worth of damage."

"I played a gig in Tamworth once. They have only one set of traffic lights - at the crossroads in the middle of town. They change once a week - at 1 o'clock on Wednesday. Everyone comes out to watch."

Edited by BillF

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I played golf. 

I did not get a hole in one, but I hit a guy.  That's way more satisfying.

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 I used all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

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 If the Japanese are such technical giants, why are they still eating with sticks?

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On 11/1/22 at 5:57 AM, BillF said:

Probably not his home town, as Ronnie was a Londoner. More likely a sardonic comment on a small town where he'd played.

Here are others from him on the same theme:

"Last night they nuked Stockton on Tees. Did £3.50 worth of damage."

"I played a gig in Tamworth once. They have only one set of traffic lights - at the crossroads in the middle of town. They change once a week - at 1 o'clock on Wednesday. Everyone comes out to watch."

:lol:

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After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. 

"No hablo ingles"

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12 minutes ago, GA Russell said:

After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. 

"No hablo ingles"

¿Te ofreció un pañuelo?

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Here's one my father, who worked in the business side of show business including stints with MGM and Hanna Barbera, loved to tell.

Cecil B. Demille is remembered for his incredible epic films with huge casts of extras and many assistant directors to catch all the action simultaneously.  He would communicate with them via walkie talkie.

So one day on the set, very complicated scene is finally set up and Demille announces that it's time to roll film.

"Ready when you are, C.B.!" come the replies from his assistant directors.

He calls action, and thousands of people are moving/fighting etc.

He calls "cut" and asks his first assistant if he got that.

"Well C.B., the camera wasn't centered the way you wanted it. I'm not sure if we got it."

And he asks the second director, and he reports trouble with the camera mount.

Now he's worried about a completely lost take, but he still has one more assistant he hasn't heard from.

"Ready when you are, C.B.!"

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4 hours ago, JSngry said:

¿Te ofreció un pañuelo?

No, senor.

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Que lastima!!!!

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I wouldn't mind being the last man on earth.  Just to see if all those girls were telling the truth.

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My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what's she's reading.

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 In California, some high schools are requiring students to wear uniforms.  They say uniforms create a safe and stable environment.

You know, like the post office.

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Do they have post offices in Canada, or does all the mail go direct?

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3 hours ago, JSngry said:

Do they have post offices in Canada, or does all the mail go direct?

I don't get it, eh?

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20 hours ago, JSngry said:

Do they have post offices in Canada, or does all the mail go direct?

Jim, Canada Post is too controversial for me to weigh in on.  I'll pass!

*****

At Microsoft, a minority employee is a guy who has a girlfriend.

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4 minutes ago, GA Russell said:

At Microsoft, a minority employee is a guy who has a girlfriend.

Is most everybody there married?

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15 minutes ago, JSngry said:

Is most everybody there married?

Of course.  Otherwise, the joke wouldn't make any sense, would it?

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Sure it would, or could.

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I thought the joke worked better if most are hopeless nerds, and then there are the few who can find and keep a girl/boy friend.

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That's what I took it to mean too

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