If you don't like Desmond or Evans, that's your opinion, to which you are certainly entitled. Given the level of vehemence with which you express your level of dislike, I don't think anyone telling you that you need to re-listen is going to change your mind. You should stop trying to "get" these guys and move on if that's the way you feel. Me, I love both artists (and the sets you mention), and find their music neither "soulless" nor "muzak".
A couple comments on your comments-
Consistency of tone and attack is kind of what Desmond is about as a player, so if that bugs you I can see that you won't "get" him.
Regarding Evans, I think that you might want to be a little more open-minded regarding tempos. I think that the choice to change tempos and grooves leads to different interpretations of the music, which to me is kind of what it's all about. And what is the "right groove" anyway? What you think it should be or what I think it should be? Seems like a pretty subjective area. I tend to trust the artists I like to make their own decisions on such matters. I don't want to hear the same tune at the same tempo forever- do you?
I respect your opinion (whether or not I disagree with it) but to me your arguments are a little weak given your expressed level of dislike.