It looks like you've been analyzed pretty thoroughly so far, but it's hard not to do some of that when giving advice on the problem you've posted.
I have the sense that you're an intellectual person. I don't mean that you don't feel things, but that you enjoy "understanding" things. I don't know you personally - I'm saying this strictly from reading your writings on music. Perhaps your responses to listening to recorded music would change if you listened to music you don't normally listen to and might not listen to on any sort of intellectual level - Latin music, African music, blues music you're not familiar with, country music (western swing, or perhaps Hank Williams, Merle Haggard, or Lefty Frizzell - people who sing words that mean something important), or some old r&b you're not familiar with.
Perhaps the fact that you can enjoy live music is due to the fact that you might listen to that in a different way than you listen to recorded music. Perhaps there's less need to understand or analyze it because live music is strictly in the moment.
I hope that I'm not out of line here, but your wife's passing isn't something that can be understood. It can only be felt, and I'm sure that the feelings are overwhelming at times. But I'm sure you know this and feel this.
There's a current film that I plan to see this weekend - The Visitor. The plot is that of a professor who is widowed and depressed, makes a connection with with two immigrants who are squatting in his vacant apartment, begins to play an African drum, and finds his spirit renewed. Sounds corny, but it got pretty good reviews, and I'm looking forward to seeing it. Perhaps you might feel a connection with it.
I hope I haven't overstepped bounds. Everything I've written could be off base. You seem like a good guy, and I just hope you find a way out of the place you're in.
Tommy Duncan - the vocalist with Bob Wills' Texas Playboys - wrote a song entitled "Time Changes Everything". Not the whole truth, but a good part of it.