Guest Bill Barton Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 To buy a copy of Reptet's Chicken or Beef? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzbo Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 Lindsay Lohan: Damn chicken was afraid I'd run over its foot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 With what did the chicken cross the road? Turkey and/or duck, perchance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christiern Posted May 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 With alacrity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDK Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 Do you really think that chickens speak English in the men's room? - JSngry Brought to you through the courtesy of Colonel Sanders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzbo Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 The chicken crossed the road to buy a fancy power cord. It's not safe to do so on this side of the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzbo Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 (edited) Chrissie Hynde: The chicken crossed the road with the full support of PETA. Some son of a bitch might eat him. He couldn't stay in the middle of the road. Nor could he stay trapped in a world that he never made like Mr. Stress and Howard the Duck. He had to fuck off! Besides, Mr. Stress offered to let him crash in his back yard. http://www.clevelandseniors.com/people/mrstress.htm Edited May 6, 2008 by jazzbo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 Do you really think that chickens speak English in the men's room? - JSngry Brought to you through the courtesy of Colonel Sanders. Jon is still king, but this one gives him a run for his money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 Do you really think that chickens speak English in the men's room? - JSngry Brought to you through the courtesy of Colonel Sanders. ------------ Ray "You can do what you like with chicken as long as it doesn't lose it's Warm Moist Pink Center." - Hoagy Carmichael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie87 Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 PRIVATE BUSINESS PROPOSAL. Dr. Idris Musa Chief, Federal Poultry Division No. 16 Kingsway Road Lagos, Nigeria. 6th May, 2008 First I must solicit your confidence in this transaction.This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top secret. We are top officials of the Federal Government Poultry Contract Review Panel who are interested in importation of poultry into our country with funds which are presently trapped on the other side of the highway in Nigeria. In order to commence this business we solicit your assistance to enable us RECEIVE the said trapped chicken across the street. The source of this fund is as follows : During the regime of our late head of state, Gen. Sani Abacha, the government officials set up poultry companies on the other side of the street, and awarded themselves contracts which were grossly over-invoiced in various Ministries. The NEW CIVILIAN Government set up a Chicken Contract Review Panel (C.C.R.P) on this side, and we have identified a lot of inflated contract funds which are presently floating in the Central Bank of Nigeria, Farming Division (C.B.N.F.D.). However, due to our position as civil servants and members of this panel, we cannot acquire this money in our names. I have therefore, been delegated as a matter of trust by my colleagues of the panel to look for an Overseas partner INTO whose ACCOUNT the sum of US$31,000,000.00 (Thirty one Million United States Dollars) WILL BE PAID BY TELEGRAPHIC TRANSFER. Hence we are writing you this letter.We have agreed to share the money thus: 70% for us (the officials) 20% for the FOREIGN PARTNER (you) 10% for the Chickens who actually make it across the road It is from this 70% that we wish to commence the importation business. Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and we hope THAT THE FUNDS CAN ARRIVE YOUR ACCOUNT in latest ten (10) banking days from the date of reciept of the following information by TEL/FAX: 234-1-7747907: A SUITABLE NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE FUNDS CAN BE PAID. PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO RESPOND BY TELEPHONE OR FAX. Please acknowledge receipt of this letter using the above Tel/Fax number. I will bring you into the complete picture of this pending project when I have heard from you. Please help the trapped chickens. Yours Faithfully, DR. IDRIS MUSA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christiern Posted May 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Basten II Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 PRIVATE BUSINESS PROPOSAL. Dr. Idris Musa Chief, Federal Poultry Division No. 16 Kingsway Road Lagos, Nigeria. 6th May, 2008 First I must solicit your confidence in this transaction.This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top secret. We are top officials of the Federal Government Poultry Contract Review Panel who are interested in importation of poultry into our country with funds which are presently trapped on the other side of the highway in Nigeria. In order to commence this business we solicit your assistance to enable us RECEIVE the said trapped chicken across the street. The source of this fund is as follows : During the regime of our late head of state, Gen. Sani Abacha, the government officials set up poultry companies on the other side of the street, and awarded themselves contracts which were grossly over-invoiced in various Ministries. The NEW CIVILIAN Government set up a Chicken Contract Review Panel (C.C.R.P) on this side, and we have identified a lot of inflated contract funds which are presently floating in the Central Bank of Nigeria, Farming Division (C.B.N.F.D.). However, due to our position as civil servants and members of this panel, we cannot acquire this money in our names. I have therefore, been delegated as a matter of trust by my colleagues of the panel to look for an Overseas partner INTO whose ACCOUNT the sum of US$31,000,000.00 (Thirty one Million United States Dollars) WILL BE PAID BY TELEGRAPHIC TRANSFER. Hence we are writing you this letter.We have agreed to share the money thus: 70% for us (the officials) 20% for the FOREIGN PARTNER (you) 10% for the Chickens who actually make it across the road It is from this 70% that we wish to commence the importation business. Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and we hope THAT THE FUNDS CAN ARRIVE YOUR ACCOUNT in latest ten (10) banking days from the date of reciept of the following information by TEL/FAX: 234-1-7747907: A SUITABLE NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE FUNDS CAN BE PAID. PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO RESPOND BY TELEPHONE OR FAX. Please acknowledge receipt of this letter using the above Tel/Fax number. I will bring you into the complete picture of this pending project when I have heard from you. Please help the trapped chickens. Yours Faithfully, DR. IDRIS MUSA Best thread ever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Al Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 (edited) The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been chicken. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But chicken has marked the time. This frying pan, this bird, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again. Ohhh, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come. And they will eat! Edited May 7, 2008 by Big Al Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDK Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 "Soylent Green is chicken!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDK Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 (edited) Continuing in a Chuck Heston vein... "Take your stinkin' claws off me, you damned dirty chicken!" Edited May 7, 2008 by RDK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny E Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 To buy a copy of Reptet's Chicken or Beef? So true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSngry Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Perhaps crossing the road was an act of defiance against all arbitrary constructs of "place", as if to mockingly ask the road & all who buy into its modern-day precepts, "Ok, I have now crossed your road. And yet where am I now? Who am I now? Has crossing this road made me anything other than a chicken who has crossed a road, and you people who attempt to make more of this than there is to be made? If I had made the same steps in the same place and there had been no road there, what would be different? Why do you not ask yourselves why the road was ther for me to cross instead of why I chose to cross it?" Given the historical role of chickens as the de facto symbol of moral and economic conscience (and consciousness) in post-Industrial America, this is not an illogical proposition, although to be fair (and to risk belaboring the obvious) the notion of a chicken thinking about anything, much less offering intelligent comment on it, is indeed absurd, although if one factors in the possible subliminal effects of roughly a century of animation of various degrees of realism (and surrealism) on our abilities to discern genuine anthropomorphic behavior in the otherwise wholly animalistic behavior of poultry, then one is beginning to get at the gist of what is in all likelihood the matter at hand, which is to say that even if we know that there is a chicken, and that it did indeed cross the road, and if we also know that the end result was that the chicken did in fact get to the other side, and if we believe that what the chicken says about this behavior is at least at some level rooted in rationality, then do we know all we need to know, or is there yet more to know that might yet change how we view not just this event, but all like it, including Duane Tatro's Jazz For Moderns, which by implication asks similar questions in similar ways and offers such similar answers that one must indeed conclude that this is what was on the mind of Tatro all along, although, given the time frames of both incidents, we cannot rule out the possibility that it was Tatro, not the chicken, who came first (the egg being another matter altogether), and that is, as they say, in the ballpark, if not necessarily between the foul lines? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Magnificent Goldberg Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Snigger MG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 David Foster Wallace: The chicken (1) crossing the road brings us to the eternal question: Why (2) ? (1) By which I mean the chicken in the sense of its Platonic ideal rather than one specific fowl. (2) When I use the word "why" here I don't mean to get ontological. The Chicken Crossing Road (CCR) problem is one that mankind has pondered for centuries, but always in the sense that one questions the act of crossing but not the existence of the chicken itself. I don't want to bring a whole lot of philosophical B.S. into the issue, hence the need to clarify my question in this f.n. rather than in the text itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Because he was fucking hyped up on steroids and Novitsky was on his motherfucking tail you fucking moronic ass wipe. I think this one would work better if someone else had posted it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Perhaps crossing the road was an act of defiance against all arbitrary constructs of "place", as if to mockingly ask the road & all who buy into its modern-day precepts, "Ok, I have now crossed your road. And yet where am I now? Who am I now? Has crossing this road made me anything other than a chicken who has crossed a road, and you people who attempt to make more of this than there is to be made? If I had made the same steps in the same place and there had been no road there, what would be different? Why do you not ask yourselves why the road was ther for me to cross instead of why I chose to cross it?" Given the historical role of chickens as the de facto symbol of moral and economic conscience (and consciousness) in post-Industrial America, this is not an illogical proposition, although to be fair (and to risk belaboring the obvious) the notion of a chicken thinking about anything, much less offering intelligent comment on it, is indeed absurd, although if one factors in the possible subliminal effects of roughly a century of animation of various degrees of realism (and surrealism) on our abilities to discern genuine anthropomorphic behavior in the otherwise wholly animalistic behavior of poultry, then one is beginning to get at the gist of what is in all likelihood the matter at hand, which is to say that even if we know that there is a chicken, and that it did indeed cross the road, and if we also know that the end result was that the chicken did in fact get to the other side, and if we believe that what the chicken says about this behavior is at least at some level rooted in rationality, then do we know all we need to know, or is there yet more to know that might yet change how we view not just this event, but all like it, including Duane Tatro's Jazz For Moderns, which by implication asks similar questions in similar ways and offers such similar answers that one must indeed conclude that this is what was on the mind of Tatro all along, although, given the time frames of both incidents, we cannot rule out the possibility that it was Tatro, not the chicken, who came first (the egg being another matter altogether), and that is, as they say, in the ballpark, if not necessarily between the foul lines? This could be Larry Kart, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bright Moments Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 -_- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 I think this one would work better if someone else had posted it. Yeah, but it works, it works... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christiern Posted May 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 There you go.... Dan Gould: Because he was fucking hyped up on steroids and Novitsky was on his motherfucking tail you fucking moronic ass wipe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Magnificent Goldberg Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Slim Gaillard Bugger. Bug-bug-bug-bug-bug-bugger! (Pause for Bird solo) Bugger-bugger-bugger-bugger-bug-bug, Bugger-bugger-bugger-bugger-bug-bug, BUGGER!!!!!! mg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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