Butchering the Language

[Aggie87]

Here are some football quotes from Neil Smith, a former player who is now in television as a sports reporter in Kansas City, I believe (Rooster can correct me if this isn't completely accurate). They kind of remind me of some of the things Pres. Bush says in some ways...

•“I think Dick Vermeil said it best. This team is now jilling toward each other.”

•“Actually this guy (Troy Brown) had a perceptional year today. … I think he went 10-for-10 or 12-for-12. … His completion percentage was great. I love the way he was catching the ball.” Smith, on the Patriots wide receiver.

•“You know why? I think why. This is the reason why. Because I think what New England did today, they axe-ually they just everything you could probably the reverse they tried to do all kind of trick plays.”

•“We having very, very much problems right up the center of our defense. … That’s a lot of balls that he do underthrow that he shouldn’t. … McGloski (Chiefs Linebacker Mike Maslowski) picked off this ball here but McGloski, please, whatever you do, don’t let an offensive lineman catch you! … This is great coming out after halftime what Dante Hall do here. For a little guy, he’s very shifty. … ”

•“I can’t take too much of this there no more as far as them winning these close games.” Smith after the Chiefs lost 41-38 to the Pats.

•“There are some changes that have to be made. I think you start on the cornerback position. You actually have to start with (Eric) Warfield. I think Warfield needs to be put down before he can really realize exactly what’s happening to him.”

•“This guy is just tremendously. … He’s got a lot of more football left in this season.” Smith on Priest Holmes.

•“I’ll tell you, you cannot have Masnowski (Mike Maslowski) run with Shannon Sharpe. You just can’t do that. That’s like an offensive lineman running with a tight end. We just have to do a better job of getting those safeties to (Sharpe) and not leaving Maslowsli to run with Shannon Sharpe for 80 yards.”

•“Here’s what I think is going to happen. The coach, Dick Vermeil, is going to overlook everything and there will be some changes here (on the defense). I think what’s going to happen is that they are going to have to putting some players and benching them.”

•“They always come through because they always says what they have to mean.” Smith on veteran players like Shannon Sharpe coming through in the clutch.

•“Trevor Pryce uses the chop move (past John Tait). … I does that when I was playing and I think he picked it up.” Smith while watching video of Pryce blowing past Tait to sacked Green.

•“Rod Smith actually did have a great game but what when he did come back and redeemed himself early he dropped the football.”

•“The Denver defense has been outstanding against players but they haven’t played against (Priest Holmes). This guy is inceptional because he’s got so many things he can do to hurt your defense.”

•“Only thing he do is he go along the line of scrimmage and no one untouched him.” Smith on the Broncos Keith Burns blocking a Chiefs punt in overtime.

•“To give up 113 yards you know to the Denver defense but we still lost.”

•“I don’t know if this is Mixnutchzki or perhaps Glenn Cadrez…” Smith attempting to identify Mike Maslowski.

•“I think this team is on track to getting to where they want to be at. They having a slight little problem, but they have to work it out within the home of that Chiefs offense. I tell you what, if they can do that then they can get it together they can go out and win it.”

•“In Denver, they going to use (the scoreboard) to get the Broncos fired up. They going to actually pronounce the scores (of other games) and what quarter it is so they will know today (if the Raiders and Chargers win or lose).”

•“I think (Trevor Pryce) was simply saying that we have what it takes in this room to get it done. But then if one thing lead to another, then when the media take something and run away from it, then the coaches have to step up and say, ‘You know, I did it.’” Smith, referring to a controversial quote from Denver Bronco Trevor Pryce who said the Broncos are the most talented team in the NFL.

•“I’ve never known Mike Shanahan to leach out at a player.” Smith when asked about Shanahan’s angry response to Price’s above comment.

•“I think it does effect you when you there. I was there for two years and it took me about that long to get aptitude to it.” Smith when asked if the altitude in Denver bothers the players.

•“I think both of these teams respectively give each other respect. And that’s why it’s become that real, real crucial of a rivalry. What Chiefs team’s gonna to show up is going to bow down to what’s going to happen today. They have to show up today and play some solid football. If not they will be right back where we was again flat if they don’t get this win.”

•“Clearly, no one untouched and you’re not going to out footrace Dante Hall when he’s in first gear…or second gear.”

•“Well, what it it did, is the Chiefs actually brought eight in the box. So they actually have more than they need. As you see, McNowski (Mike Maslowski) right here takes the inside charge and beats his guy to the snap.”

•“They moved the (Broncos’) stadium over from the parking lot and that’s kinda like the mystique ground is not there no more.”

•“They don’t care who you are. If you don’t be on the plane at a certain time when you supposed to, they will leave you on the dot. And you will have to find your way to Seattle to try to get a plane that day to beat us to get to the play on tomorrow.” Smith trying to explain how much emphasis Marty Schottenheimer places on his players in regard to promptness.

•“I think anytime you have a guy that’s been out for the second time he’s been out and he gets the second-string guy gets a second opportunity, I think this is his time to shine.” Smith when asked how he thought Mike Cloud would fare in the San Diego game.

•“I think the biggest responsibility is when you lose Tony Richardson. He’s pretty much the focus of the running game. I think that was a big, big hurt.”

•“Rob Smith does a great job of keeping both feet inbounds here after the play was resumed.” Smith reviewing video of the Chiefs loss to Denver.

•“Derrick Thomas has a little problem being late for the airport…”

[Gigolo]

This is why I'm sick of reporters sticking microphones up players (of all sports) noses all the time, whether at press conferences or locker rooms. The players seem to be talking off the top of their heads alot of the time but don't really care what they are saying alot of the time. In most instances I hear, the reporter wants any comment, after asking a general or inane question, and dosen't really care what the player is saying either, in my estimation.

It gets boring, not funny, if you hear or read comments like these all the time, even though I can talk like an idiot too.

Edited October 8, 2003 by Gigolo

[connoisseur series500]

Supposedly these guys go through college. I guess all those courses of basketweaving pay off later on in life.

[catesta]

Supposedly

Conn, isn't it supposably?

[couw]

disposedly

[Son-of-a-Weizen]

The Polish boxer Andrew Golota didn't even take up english until 1992....yet a mere five years later sounded like a regular William F. Buckley when up against his 2 quarts low opponent Riddick Bowe.

[JSngry]

Hey, if we'd have wanted to speak The Queen's English, we' still have the Queen, right?

Seriously, though - am I the only one who's beginning to get REALLY annoyed at the constant self-referential use of the word "football" by players, coaches, and announcers? You know, stuff like, "This is a really good football team and we're expecting a really good football game today" and "When he throws the football like he threw the football today, our football team has a really good chance to win the football game" and "Whe he runs with the football, he needs to hold the football better so he doesn't fumble the football and give the other football team a chance to win the football game" and "There's a great crowd today at this football stadium, ready to watch an exciting football game between two excellent football teams" and on and on and on.

Hey zeues freakin' kristo!!!!

Of course it's a football. Of course it's a football game played by football teams comprised, of, are you ready? - football players. Helen Keller with a hangover would know that.

I'd propose "Football" taking the place of "Hey Bob" as a recreational drinking game, but I'm afraid that it would lead to a rash of deaths by alcohol poisoning...

[Jim R]

“I think it does effect you when you there. I was there for two years and it took me about that long to get aptitude to it.” Smith when asked if the altitude in Denver bothers the players...

[Shrdlu]

It seems errors like this always abound in sports commentaries. A classic that used to tick one of my friends off was "not sufficiently good enough", not to mention "this is déjà vu all over again".

Here's a great one from a pompous radio broadcaster: "A spokesman said that the matter was being gone into until a solution was found."

An Indian soldier had trouble with this British Army regulation: "Beds will be made up as laid down in standing orders."

There is a well-known French dish called Bifteck au Jus, beefsteak (served) in juice. In a U.S. restaurant I read "steak with au jus". Yechh!! (And it tasted as bad as you would expect in the circumstances.)

[catesta]

Seriously, though - am I the only one who's beginning to get REALLY annoyed at the constant self-referential use of the word "football" by players, coaches, and announcers? excellent football teams" and on and on and on.

Hell no!

You're not the only one. I hate that shit!

The post game interviews are the worst.

[BruceH]

I guess this proves that they really should put more padding in those helmets.

[maren]

Pet peeve: using "a" in front of a player's name, like they're a generic commodity. "When you're up against a Testaverde..."

But it made for one of my favorite all-time sportscaster quotes, an inadvertent howler:

"When you have the reflexes of a STRAWBERRY..."

[Adam]

"I ain't denying there wasn't no bottle." - Leon Spinks

You know, it's funny, but if it successfully communicates what they are trying to say, then what does it matter?

[Simon Weil]

You guys are late. We in the UK have the legendary David Coleman, the former BBC sports commentator, originator of the numerous "Colemanballs" (named after him and now applied across the board).

Colemanballs

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Colemanballs is a term used to describe a variety of types of gaffes perpetrated by media commentators.

The name was coined by Private Eye magazine and is derived from that of the BBC sports commentator, David Coleman. An example of the great man's work in this field is the classic: "And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago". Another regular contributer to the section, up until his retirement from racing commentary, was Murray Walker, who would frequently mis-identify drivers and mangle metaphors (e.g. "We've had cars going off left, right and centre" and the classic "Unless I'm very much mistaken...... I AM very much mistaken!").

The column also includes quotations from sportsmen themselves (e.g. "That's cricket Harry, you get these sort of things in boxing." - Frank Bruno), politicians ("When your back's against the wall it's time to turn round and fight." - John Major), newsreaders and celebrities.

In late 2001, a subsection of Colemanballs was introduced. Called "Warballs" it records bizarre references to "9/11", often taken from specialist magazines explaining the effect of the attacks on things as unconnected as model trains and fast-food.

Similarly gaffe-prone sports personalities can be found throughout the world, such as Yogi Berra of the United States.

http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colemanballs

Colemanballs (football)

Colemanballs (football 2)

4000 Colemanballs on google

"He opened his legs and showed his class"

Coleman on Olympic champion Alberto Juantorena

See, no-one can butcher the English language like the English.

Simon Weil

Edited October 8, 2003 by Simon Weil

[A Lark Ascending]

Of course it's a football. Of course it's a football game played by football teams comprised, of, are you ready? - football players. Helen Keller with a hangover would know that.

No it's not!

It's 'American Football.'

Football is a game played by manly types using their feet alone*. a round ball, a proper pair of nets, oranges at half time and...most importantly...

NO BODY ARMOUR AND CROMWELLIAN FACE MASKS!!!!

*goalie and throw-ins excepted.

Edited October 8, 2003 by Bev Stapleton

[Rooster_Ties]

Here are some football quotes from Neil Smith, a former player who is now in television as a sports reporter in Kansas City, I believe (Rooster can correct me if this isn't completely accurate.)

I'll ask my wife. She's the sports fan in this house.

For instance, the last time the Chiefs got a new quarterback, I prided myself on NOT even knowing his name, until like 9 or 10 weeks into tje season. Seriously!!!! And I only found out his name by accident, on the news. (Damn it!! - I was really gonna try to make it through the whole season without knowing. And I almost did!!!)

[Jazzmoose]

The San Francisco Giants had one of these announcers on radio for a few years, and for the life of me I can't remember his name. I'm sure some of the other Bay Area posters will know who I'm talking about. I can only paraphrase, as I don't have the direct quotes written down, but here's a couple that stand out in my memory:

"Kevin Mitchell turned 33 this week. That should give you a rough idea of how old he is."

Can't remember the player for this one, but it was absolutely hilarious to listen to. Let's call him Smith...

"The ball is going over Smith's head! He's racing back to the wall! Smith's head crashes into the wall! It's bouncing back towards the infield!"

Not a pretty mental picture...

[connoisseur series500]

Of course it's a football. Of course it's a football game played by football teams comprised, of, are you ready? - football players. Helen Keller with a hangover would know that.

No it's not!

It's 'American Football.'

Football is a game played by manly types using their feet alone*. a round ball, a proper pair of nets, oranges at half time and...most importantly...

NO BODY ARMOUR AND CROMWELLIAN FACE MASKS!!!!

*goalie and throw-ins excepted.

Not to knock European football, but American football is probably one of the greatest sports. It's hard to understand at the beginning but you find yourself still learning more about it after years and years. It's a deeply complex and highly technical game yet it is also very atavistic and brutal and graceful. What a game!!

[Joe G]

"In football, everybody's down."--George Carlin

Football sucks, Paul. Wanna fight about it? Meet me at the Bird of Paradise this weekend.