Comedy Record Corner

[JSngry]

Bumping this back up in case anybody's intrested.

Awhile back, I found an Orson Bean record on Fantasy...pretty funny stuff, very intellegent standup with an aim for the well-placed gutlaff.

Have also bought, but not yet listened to, a later Columbia album of his that looks to be "conceptual" No idea what that one's going to be like.

But obtw - Godfrey Cambridge on Epic is....EPIC. Carpe diem suggested when/if.

[Larry Kart]

Severn Darden, from The Second City album “Thge Sound of my Own Voice”

Intro: And now, ladies and gentlemen, Professor Walter von der

Vogelweide will present "A Short Talk On The Universe.”

Darden: Now, why, you will ask me, have I chosen to speak on the

Universe rather than some other topic. Well, it's very simple, heh.

There isn't anything else!

Now, the Universe we examine through what Spinoza has called "the lens

of philosophy". He called it this because he was a lens grinder. Heaven knows what he would have called it had he been, for example, a

pudding manufacturer.

Now, into three branches is philosophy divided: ethics, esthetics, and

metaphysics. Now, ethics is that branch of philosophy which is neither

esthetics nor metaphysics. Esthe--well, I think you follow.

This evening I have decided to take the jump. Heh heh. Metaphysics.

Now, metaphysics is--what IS everything--ANYHOW? And what's more is

more than what's less—generally.

Now, in the universe we have time, space, motion, and thought. Now,

you will ask me, what is this thing called time? [7 second pause] THAT

is time.

Now, you will ask me, what is space? Now this over here--this is some

space. However, this is not all space. However, when I said that was

time, that was all the time there was anywhere in the universe ... at

that time. Now, if you were to take all of the space that there is in

the universe and CRAM it into this little tiny place, this would be

ALL the space there was! Unless of course, some leaked out. Which it

could. And did! Heh. Hence the universe!

Now, the early Egyptian astronomers (there were no late Egyptian

astronomers) looked up at the stars and with these they measured time.

But the Greeks, who were very exact--sometimes to the point of

tediousness--came along with this question: is time the measure of

motion, or conversely, is motion the measure of time?

Viz. I have in my hand a stopwatch--imaginary. And coming through the

room is a railroad train--also imaginary, heh heh. If it was a real

railroad train it would kill us--and besides, it would be very

expensive.

Now--I'm timing the train now. Is time the measure of

motion--click--[makes train noise and runs across stage]--click--or

is, conversely, motion--now I'm going to be for you a grandfather's

clock [swings arm]--tick--tock--tick--tock--the measure of time? Now,

with the arrival in the 20th century of Planck's constant and the

theory of quantum mechanics and with Heisenberg's uncertainty

principle--I think--we still don't know.

However, we might very easily turn to the pre-Socratic philosophers

(who were always good for a laugh) for assistance.

Now, take Heraclitus. Dr. Jose Bernadette by the way, has said in his

book "Coming and Becoming", he has quoted Heraclitus incorrectly as

saying that "time was a river which flowed endlessly through the

universe." He didn't say this at all. He said, "time was LIKE a river

which flowed endlessly through the universe." Aha, there you are,

Bernadette!

Nonetheless, he discovered this one day, and he went home to his wife,

Helen. That was her name, Helen Heraclitus. That's two H's, like Hugo

Haas--Herman Hesse--Harry Haller--Herbert Hoover--Heinrich Himmler--

oh, that whole crowd, ja.

Anyhow, he went home to his wife, Helen, and he said "Time is like a

river which is flowing endlessly through the universe, and you

couldn't step into the same river twice, Helen.”

And she says, "What do you mean by that, Heraclitus? Explain

yourself." That means you could go down to the Mississippi River, for

example, and you could step in, and you could step out, and then you

could step in again. But that river that you stepped in has moved

downstream, you see, it's here. And you would only be stepping in the

Mississippi River because that's what it's called, you see? Not only

all that water, but if something were on top of the water--for

example, a water bug--if it was there, it would be downstream. Unless,

of course, it was swimming upstream, in which case it would be older

and it would be a different bug.

So, anyhow, Heraclitus went home to his wife with this news, and he

said "Time is like a river which flows endlessly through the universe,

and you couldn't step into the same river twice."

She said, "Don't be an ass, Heraclitus. You could step into the same

river twice--if you walked downstream at the same rate as the river."

He was amazed!

So he went down to the agora, or marketplace, where there were a lot

of unemployed philosophers (which means philosophers who weren't

thinking at that time). And they had a few drinks first and they went

down to the river, and into the river they threw a piece of wood just

to test how fast the river was going. And so Heraclitus saw how fast

the wood was going. So he stepped into the river, and ran and stepped

and ran and stepped and ran, and finally he ran out into the Aegean

Sea and was drowned.

So much for time.

Now we come to another pre-Socratic, Zeno, for time and motion, and

Zeno's Paradox. Now, a paradox is something which when it isn't, it

is, paradoxically. And Zeno's Paradox is that if Achilles, the great

Greek hero and athlete, were to get into a race with a tortoise, that

he couldn't win. Silly, isn't it.

Well, if, for example, the tortoise was here and he would give the

tortoise, say, a 10-foot head start, just to be fair to the beast, and

there would be--it would take, say, Achilles, 1 second to go 1 foot.

So at the end of 9 seconds, he would have one foot to go in one

second, ja? And in a half of a second, he would still have a half of a

foot to go, you see? And in a hundredth of a second he would have a

hundredth of a foot to go. And in a millionth of a second, he would

have a millionth of a foot to go. And since time and space are both

infinitely divisible, he would never pass the turtle! Heh, heh.

But this is ridiculous! Anyone in this room could win a race with a

turtle, you know, and we're not great heroes and athletes. Even for

example, some old, very dignified person, like Bertrand Russell, HE

could win a race with a tortoise. And if he couldn't win it, he could

outsmart it, ja?

Nonetheless, I have discovered possibly the meaning for this paradox.

I was reading recently a book called "Greek Pots In Polish Museums" by

John Davidson Beasley. 8 vo., $9.75 and worth every penny of it. Big

wide margins--er, I'm getting off my point. Anyhow, in there is a

picture of a pot that has on it a picture of an archaic

tortoise of the kind that Zeno would have known about.

Now, it isn't a little, flat American tortoise. IT'S A LITTLE BULLET-SHAPED TORTOISE WITH LONG, SINEWY LEGS, ABOUT 4 FEET LONG, AND IT COULD RUN LIKE CRAZY!

Now this would seem to explain it, ja? But it doesn't! Because Homer,

who never lied about anything, said that Achilles could, if he wanted

to, beat any man or beast in a foot race. Now what does this mean, "if

he wanted to"? You know how some people can't step on the line in the

sidewalk? Achilles couldn't pass a tortoise! He was a very sick hero!

Now, thought.

For centuries philosophers have told us that thought cannot be seen,

it cannot be heard, cannot be felt, smelled, cannot be tasted. It is

not in the key of G--or F. And it is not blue--nor is it mauve. It is

not a pot of geraniums. It is not a white donkey against a blue sky.

Or a blue donkey against a white sky. Nor does it have aspirations to

become archbishop. It is not a little girl singing an old song.

Thought is not a saffron-robed monk pissing in the snow. In other

words, philosophers can tell you millions of things that thought

isn't, and they can't tell you what it is! And this bugs them!

But you are out there and you're thinking and I'm up here and I think

that you're thinking, and we think, and we think that the sun comes up

in the morning, pouring forth its beautiful bounty of light, and as

Shakespeare said, "What a piece of work is man!”

Are there any questions? Thank you.

I would really like to answer any questions that you might have. Now,

I don't have anyone planted in the audience. Occasionally friends of

mine who are in the audience throw up some hideous thing. They know

the areas in which I am weak! Only in this sense do I have someone

planted. So if you could ask me anything that you might not know about

the universe.

Q: What is the relation between space and time?

What is the relation between space and time? Well, let's see, I

thought I had covered that. Now the relation--well, space, for

example, it is a thing which is occupied by matter. Ja? Whereas time

occupies space, as we all know. Have you ever, for example, had any

time pass when there was no space? I mean, have you ever been no place

for a long time? It couldn't happen! It could, theoretically, of

course. But I mean, even with a lot of equipment it would be

difficult.

Could I have another question?

Q: Do fish think?

Well, that's a very good question, but it's not in the realm of

metaphysics. Now I had a fish once--name was Louise, as a matter of

fact. Small, fat fish. And every day at the same time I would go to

the edge of the pond--a little iron tank in my house--and throw it a

bunch of grapes. You know? Every day at the same time the fish would

be there. After a few days she knew at 1:45, grapes, bam! Fish!

However, I began making it 15 minutes later every day, you see. And

then when I was there at 2 o'clock, she'd be there at 1:45. She was 15

minutes behind. After a while she was hours and days behind! And she

starved to death. Yes, fish think--but not fast enough!

Could I have another question, please?

Q: [German accent, much thicker than Darden's] Professor, what is

truth?

What is…?

Q: Truth.

Truth?

Q: Truth.

Oh, ja. Mm-hm. An accent.

Well, truth is very difficult to explain. It is not merely the

opposite of falsehood. When I say I am here, that is true temporarily,

but it is not always true. And certain truths are immutable. Like for

example, I am not elsewhere, which is just as true here [walks across

stage] as it is over here. You see? I am still not elsewhere. No

matter where I go I can't get away from me! Sort of frightening--that

should be called truth!

Could I have another question?

Q: Will the sun rise tomorrow?

Yes. Next question?

Thank you.

[JSngry]

Whoa...you got that shit transcribed...are you the secret Andrew White of comedy?

I have all the Mercury Second City albums (including the later ""writhes again" one compilation with a bonus cut), but you mentioned a solo album by Darden over in that other thread, and that kinda fucked me up, I've never even heard of it until now, and now I'm liable to be irresponsible in looking for it.

By far and away the best gut on an otherwise inconsistent album:

Better writer than performer, but a damn funny writer.

[Larry Kart]

No, I found that transcription on the web and corrected few errors in it.

[mjzee]

We should mention all those Redd Foxx albums on Laff...y'know, the ones in the back of the record store, with the header card stating the section was for "adults only." They all had the same cover, just different colors. The first Redd Foxx album I actually heard was the Atlantic album:

And has anyone here heard this? A comedy album!:

[mjzee]

Does anyone here remember the Hardly-Worthit Players? They had a few records that were minor hits on AM radio: take-offs of Robert Kennedy and Senator Everett Dirksen doing pop hits. Pretty funny stuff. RFK's assassination put an end to that band.

[GA Russell]

I think the last time I heard a comedy record on the radio was many years ago - Hudson and Landry's Ajax Liquor Store.

[JSngry]

Hudson & Landry were on the same label as the Paris Sisters? Wow, less than two degrees of Phil Spector, who knew?!?!?

That Eddie Harris album is nasty as hell (and occasionally funny) but also has some musical interludes of Eddie on electric sax that GO THERE, if you know what i mean, this guy playing all his freaky-deaky intervallic shit with full frontal pick-up, wah-wah, and god knows what else, totally in command of the situation...there's not much of that, but like I said, the comedy is occasionally funny (although the attitude might carry the material for some who want it to), but don't pay a whole lot of bucks for it. OTOH, don't pass up a good price, either.

Speaking of Laff...those LaWanda (Paige) albums are some of THE nastiest comedy I've ever heard in my life, but that doesn't meant they're not funny, far from it, especially if listened to while contemplating the possibility that Aunt Esther might have made Rudy Ray Moore blush...yeah, it's like THAT.

Larry mentioned elsewhere about finding out who wrote David Frye's material...I just picked up a copy of Frye's Richard Nixon Superstar and noticed that Gabe Kaplan seemed to have been the chief writer. Is that what you were talking about, Larry?

[johnblitweiler]

I probably said this already on another thread, but: Pigmeat Markham is a prime example of a kind of comedy that I'm afraid has disappeared from America by now. I heard some of his sketches done by burlesque-show comedians 50-some years ago, before I heard him do them, and I'm sure stuff like "Slowly I Turned" is older than vaudeville, older than minstrel shows and commedia dell'arte, older than Moses. Chess, then I believe Malaco issued album after album of Pigmeat and his company, and I would dearly love to know more about Baby Seals and Pigmeat's two other cast members, who are always unidentified on the album covers.

Peter Cook, alone or with Dudley Moore or some other, could make me laugh till I grew weak and helpless - Decca? London? issued his albums. Here's another vote for Spike Jones and for Nichols and May and for Severn Darden - while reading Larry's transcription of his speech about the universe, I can just hear his loony voice. Whatever happenedto him?

[JSngry]

Here's a good article about the historical Pigmeat: http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2010/11/the-forgotten-pigmeat-markham.html

On the back of Pigmeat's At The Party (Howard Theatre, 1961), it says:

Appearing with Pigmeat Markham were Edna Mae Harris and Chuck Thompson.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edna_Mae_Harris

There was a recent(?) PBS(?) re-appreciation of Moms Mabley, appeared to have been a Whoopi Goldberg project (and does anybody still remember how startlingly fresh her first appearnce/LP was?)...I'd love to see the same thing done for Pigmeat. I've yet to hear anything of his that wasn't reflexively gut laugh-inducing, and as a drummer buddy of mine said about two sentences into his first exposure to a Pigmeat record, "DAMN, that swings like Elvin!"

Darden left us in 1995, Santa Fe being his point of departure: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0201089/

[BFrank]

[sidewinder]

I used to own the first 3 Monty Python albums. This was before the TV show reached the US. "Another Monty Python Record," "Monty Python's Previous Record," and "Matching Tie and Handkerchief." These were not the audio portions of the TV shows, these were taped in the recording studio. Easily the funniest things I had ever heard, and somehow having to imagine the visuals made them even funnier. Some skits were never on the TV show. They also had certain LP-only attributes: On (I think) "Monty Python's Previous Record" was the skit about the Piranha Brothers, the gangsters who used sarcasm to chilling effect. On record, that skit ended with one gangster saying "Sorry, squier, I scratched the record." And the lead-out groove didn't lead to the label, it just repeated over and over and over, so you heard "Sorry, squier, I scratched the record (click) Sorry, squier, I scratched the record (click) Sorry, squier, I scratched..." etc. "Matching Tie and Handkerchief' had an amazing attribute: 2 side twos! There were 2 parallel grooves and, depending on which one your stylus landed on, you got one of 2 entirely different programs.

My favourite is 'Monty Python & The Holy Grail' - live from the Classic, Silbury Hill. Still have it on vinyl. Featuring Vincent Wong, the Sino-Scottish projectionist..

Edited May 2, 2015 by sidewinder

[duaneiac]

I love comedy albums and have a bunch of them I've got many of the performers already mentioned, but some other favorites would include:

Jonathan Winters -- He could be inconsistent, but when he was at his peak, he was ridiculously funny.

Andy Griffith -- Before there was Mayberry, Andy Griffith recorded classic comedy tracks like "What It Was, Was Football" and "Romeo And Juliet".

The Smothers Brothers -- Unlike their later TV variety show which became known for its social/political humor, their Mercury albums were mostly devoid of that. The humor on the records poked fun at the whole folk music fad of the time and relied on the classic funny dumb guy & smarter straight man who is made to appear foolish by the dumb guy routine. Much of their humor holds up well.

Flip Wilson -- I only have a couple of his albums, one of which is made up of clips from his TV show. He was a funny guy. The line "Chris gonna find Ray Charles" still cracks me up.

Phyllis Diller -- I can appreciate that many folks may not care for her humor or persona. I loved her. Certainly a trailblazer as a female stand-up comedian.

Rowan & Martin -- Years of working in nightclubs gave this team's performances a clockwork precision, but their routines seemed far from "routine". Their Rowan & Martin At Work album is great.

Jose Jimenez/Bill Dana -- Okay, maybe the Jose Jimenez character is not politically correct, but he was a funny character not because of his accent or because he was a dumb guy, but because he was, like many of us, just an average guy put into a sometimes challenging situation (astronaut, submarine captain, race car driver, etc.) who was genuinely trying to do his best.

Father Guido Sarducci -- I don't know if one needs to have a Catholic background to appreciate his humor, but I always enjoyed him.

Emo Philips -- His early stuff was weirdly endearing. "Son, I'm going to miss you when you go off to college" And I thought, "Well, sure -- now that I took the sight off your rifle!".

Tom Lehrer -- I didn't notice a mention of him before here. He was a brilliant satirist. I wish he had felt inclined to bestow some new works upon us from time to time over the past few decades. We could have used his humorous take on the events of our times. I think his last new work was the now classic seasonal tune "I'm Spending Hannukah in Santa Monica".

Edited May 2, 2015 by duaneiac

[mjzee]

We had that album. I still think about it sometimes. He's about to go onstage to open for Richie Havens. The crowd is chanting "Richie! Richie!" The guard looks at Brooks, who's in the wings. "Your name Richie?" "No." "They're gonna kill you."

Edited May 2, 2015 by mjzee

[Larry Kart]

I probably said this already on another thread, but: Pigmeat Markham is a prime example of a kind of comedy that I'm afraid has disappeared from America by now. I heard some of his sketches done by burlesque-show comedians 50-some years ago, before I heard him do them, and I'm sure stuff like "Slowly I Turned" is older than vaudeville, older than minstrel shows and commedia dell'arte, older than Moses. Chess, then I believe Malaco issued album after album of Pigmeat and his company, and I would dearly love to know more about Baby Seals and Pigmeat's two other cast members, who are always unidentified on the album covers.

Peter Cook, alone or with Dudley Moore or some other, could make me laugh till I grew weak and helpless - Decca? London? issued his albums. Here's another vote for Spike Jones and for Nichols and May and for Severn Darden - while reading Larry's transcription of his speech about the universe, I can just hear his loony voice. Whatever happenedto him?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Severn_Darden

[Larry Kart]

Larry mentioned elsewhere about finding out who wrote David Frye's material...I just picked up a copy of Frye's Richard Nixon Superstar and noticed that Gabe Kaplan seemed to have been the chief writer. Is that what you were talking about, Larry?

Can't find that book anymore where that and tons of other things were mentioned. Can't believe I would have let go of it, but... damn.

[duaneiac]

In the category of comedy designed explicitly as an album (instead of "live" recordings of stand-up comedians at work), Peter Schikele has probably been the most active performer for the past 50 years. His research into and documentation of the compositions of P.D.Q. Bach have earned Prof. Schikele 4 Grammy Awards. I have several of his Vanguard albums and most of his Telarc CDs. Since I'm not that familiar with classical music, I'm sure some of the jokes go past me, but I enjoy a lot of his verbal and musical puns. One of my favorite albums was

Edited May 5, 2015 by duaneiac

[BFrank]

We had that album. I still think about it sometimes. He's about to go onstage to open for Richie Havens. The crowd is chanting "Richie! Richie!" The guard looks at Brooks, who's in the wings. "Your name Richie?" "No." "They're gonna kill you."

I haven't actually listened to it in years, but I remember that it had MANY great moments.

[JSngry]

This is an interesting collection, actually,

[Chuck Nessa]

We had that album. I still think about it sometimes. He's about to go onstage to open for Richie Havens. The crowd is chanting "Richie! Richie!" The guard looks at Brooks, who's in the wings. "Your name Richie?" "No." "They're gonna kill you."

I haven't actually listened to it in years, but I remember that it had MANY great moments.

Great comedy record. My favorite bit was "Rewriting the National Anthem". Saw him at a private event in Boston around '73. He killed.

[duaneiac]

What about Lord Buckley? Did he consider himself to be merely a "comedian"?

[BillF]

What about Lord Buckley? Did he consider himself to be merely a "comedian"?

[johnblitweiler]

Never mind Lord Buckley, I want that great album cover.

[JSngry]

This is my favorite Buckley bit, bar none.

[JSngry]

OMG!

I was just getting started on "organizing" one f the rows of LPs I've added over the last few years but have not yet gotten to (I'm planning for a long, carefree retirement and/or convalescence), and what was pulled out wholly at random was that Severn Darden Mercury album!