Big Al

Heck yeah I'm in!

Nice! Thanks!

8TH GRADE FINAL EXAM:SALINA,KS- 1895 GRAMMAR (TIME: one hour) 1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters. Firing interns, soliciting interns, soliciting money, hiding money, starting wars, hiding dead bodies, hiring attorney generals, firing attorney generals, and scheduling hair appointments aboard Air Farce One 2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications. Whatever I say, goes. Ain't no modification needs to be made. 3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph Why? Ornette got rid of that years ago. 4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of "lie,""play," and "run." The principal part of a verb is the action, as evidenced by the following sentence: when I lie, I don't play around, and you better not run. 5. Define case; illustrate each case. My lawyer says to take the Fifth. I shall illustrate that by ordering a fifth. A case of it. 6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation. Eye hav know eye dee ah what(?) yr talking uh bout. 7 - 10... Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar. See number 5. ARITHMETIC (TIME: 1 hour 15 minutes) 1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic. If I make more money, the government takes more money, and I get less in return. If I make less money, the government takes less money, and I get more in return. This is the Associative Principal, which states that if I associate with poor people, I'll get rich quick. (Rich Quick was a guy I knew, we went to different high schools together, he always said he would be wealthy) 2. A wagon box is 2 ft. Deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold? Nobody puts wheat inside a box, unless someone's found a new and more environmentally friendly way of securing those hops a lot faster than they did in the good old days, when you would just lock 'em up with the local drunks and let them all ferment together. 3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. For tare? Is the wheat fresh? How old is the wheat? Were there any mad cows grazing nearby? This question is entirely too vague, and my lawyer has advised me not to answer. 4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals? $50 per month??? Criminy, who the hell is THEIR lobbyist??? 5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. Coal at $6.00 per ton. Today? $20.16, but with the cost of oil, that goes up another $1/ton every day. 6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent. 7 percent? Not interested. 7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. Long at $20 per metre? Uh, this is Kansas, which is in AMERICA! We don't need no stinkin' metric system! 8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent. 10 percent? Now you're talking! Who'd give discount on $300 bucks anyway? That's just asking to be audited! Forget it! I'm lawyering up again, and ordering another fifth. Would you like one? 9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods? Like, I don't dig squares man, y'know? If I wanted a farm, man, I'd like, want that farm to be filled with a whole lotta hip cats & chicks, you dig? I don't want no squares named Rod in my farm, man, like I'm not hop to that, dig? 10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt I promise to write you a check as soon as I receive some money from Rich Quick. U.S.HISTORY (TIME: 45 minutes) 1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided BC: Before Clinton AD: After Dubya It doesn't get much more epochal than that. 2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus Whose version, the tradionalists or the revisionists? Or the Injuns? 3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War. The war was over oil. The result was the Quakers. 4. Show the territorial growth of the United States As of right now, Texas is still too damn big for its own good, and Louisiana is just too damn big period. We gotta cut it down so God can stuff all those poor uneducated bastards into Oklahoma. 5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas. Kansas was created by evolution, which then evolved into a very nice creation. 6. Describe three of the most prominent battles attles of the Rebellion. What the hell is a battle attle? 7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe? The first offensive line for Notre Dame. 8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865. 1607: birth of jazz when Buddy Bolden discovers the first Marsalis 1620: Louis Armstrong invents dixieland before dixie even has a land 1800: Birth of bebop 1849: Birth of hard bop 1865: Birth of Chris Albertson ORTHOGRAPHY (TIME: one hour) (Do we even know what this is?) 1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication Alphabet: a type of soup Phonetic: communication through wires Orthography: the study of teenage teeth Etymology: the study of eating habits (as in, "what did you et today?") Syllabication: c'mon, that's not even a real word 2. What are elementary sounds? How classified? The school bell, which signifies the beginning and ending of class The explosion, which signifies that lunch is ready The sunburst, which signifies that a 6th grader has begun puberty with its first display of acne The body slam, which is when a big fat kid gets on a see-saw and a little skinny guy get shot into space; conversely, it's when the little skinny guy is up in the air, and the big fat kid gets off, thus causing the little skinny kid to come crashing down thus causing his vertebrae to shatter and his spinal cord to become a permanent ground fixture. 3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals Trigraph: three graphs, duh! Subvocals: Florence Ballard and Mary whats-her-name come to mind, even though technically they haven't been born yet. Diana Ross will be with us forever, unfortunately. Diphthong: such language! Cognate letters: the letters that make up the spelling of your favorite liquor Linguals: a type of pasta 4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?) Will u accept diamonds? They are a ghoul's beast fiend u know! 5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule. Finale? 6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each. 7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis-mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup. Bi: goes both ways Dis-mis: see ya! Pre: Coming right up! Semi: 18-wheeler Post: Rival to Kelloggs Non: French for no Inter: such language! I thought this was Kansas! Mono: so much better than stereo! Sup: I'm fine; sup with u? 8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last. I will "di" if I have to keep being "critical" about everything. This is adversely affecting my self-esteem. My lawyer has advised that I should have another drink. 9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays. It's a damn sight that Jerry Jones asked the city of Arlington to cite "eminent domain" to take away those people's homes so he could build his new Cowboys stadium site. I'm not going to feign knowledge: I haven't a fucking clue what fain and fane mean. I do know that the weather vane says Jerry Jones is extremely vain, and his actions against those people's homes makes the blood in my vein boil. I mean, he had the gall to raze those people's houses, just so he could raise up for himself a big Death-Star-lookin' stadium that blocks out the suns rays to everyone on the east side of the stadium. 10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication. Enevoldsen. That's long enough for ten words, and nobody really knows how to pronounce it anyway! GEOGRAPHY (TIME: one hour) 1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend? Weather. Whether. 2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas? God did it. 3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean? Rivers are good for fishin, swimmin, gettin nekkid, gettin lucky, washin up, takin a dump, and drinkin water. Oceans are good because the river takes all that shit down to it. 4. Describe the mountains of North America They're big, covered with snow, and people try in vein/vane/vain to ski them every spring break. 5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco. They're all volcanoes. I think. 6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S. Has Las Vegas been invented yet? 7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each. England, France, and a bunch of little countries no one cares about. 8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude? Because the Pacific is just so much hipper than those frosties on the east coast, man. 9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers. Osmosis, photosynthesis, and a whole lotta other words I haven't used since sophomore-year biology. 10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth. The earth in the sky goes round and round, round and round, round and round! The earth in the sky goes round and round, all on a Sunday morning. The earth is inclined to do whatever God says to do. Alright, half hour and didn't even break a sweat. I'm going to bed.

Thanks dude! Hardboppin' yeah! I think I'm too boring to go outside that box.

Thanks! Pity I missed the birthday chat!

Thanks for reviving this! It's my birthday! Party like it's..... well, my birthday!

Wow!!! Not only am I tremendously impressed, I am genuinely touched. Thank you! I like that: "Nurdley." I think I may change my handle to that. I mean, when you've been one all yer life...

PM sent. You stud, you. Not really--I sent him a PM saying that Big Al would probably do it for him. I'll gladly do it!

I am a rock I am an iiiiiiiiiiiiisland.

Ron's a helluva guy, he just isn't fast enough!

That's how I got high at a Foreigner concert. In 1987. It's the only time I've ever been high and, hell yes I inhaled!

Here are some that should have been, but probably weren't: Sonny Clark, Leapin' and Lopin' "Leap Frog" from Bird and Diz Any version of "Lester Leaps In"

Gotcha covered, Agg. I'll PM you to make sure we're still on, and then I'll FWD the total to you. It's things like this that make this the best hang on the internet! Thanks Al, you rock! PM sent too. You'll love this from the confirmation page: Total Price: $57.73 Your Savings: $346.59 It doesn't say this on the page, but I calculated it out: $2.14 per disc!

Gotcha covered, Agg. I'll PM you to make sure we're still on, and then I'll FWD the total to you.

Art Pepper's GETTIN' TOGETHER was recorded on this day in 1960! It's one of my favorite Pepper albums and I was giving it a spin anyway and noticed the recording date. Thought that was pretty cool! Any other albums recorded on a Leap Day?

Holy sh.... You can get the entire Led Zeppelin box for $18. Good thing I swore off CD-buying for Lent.

I have it and I LOVE it, but in addition to being a Desmond fan, I am also a Simon and Garfunkle fan... I think you're in the minority on this one, dude. I like both Desmond & S&G, too, but I can't stomach the combination of the two. It just doesn't seem...... right. -_-

Should the same apply to the Bill Evans set? Not worth the time? I don't know. I'm certainly curious because I enjoy Evans work with Ogerman. OTOH, I've yet to read a good review of this album anywhere. In fact, IIRC, even Evans disliked it. Seems like this album was supposed to have been released in the VBR series a few years ago and then was dropped without a word.

I was all set to believe that Stephenville was just another in a long line of backwoods-rednecks seeing UFOs in the middle of nowhere until the government stepped in and said it wasn't a UFO but rather some Air Force fighter pilots running training exercises. Now I'm absolutely positive it really was a UFO. But, for the love of God, why are they (the E.T.'s) looking for intelligent life in Stephenville, much less Texas???

Midnight Blue is the same kind of trio with the addition of Stanley Turrentine on tenor sax. That can whet your appetite until the 18th! Stay strong; stay away from the Desmond album. We're here for you. Get From the Hot Afternoon instead, if you don't already have it.

Must have a lot of cracks that need sealing, I guess.

We talk? I thought we just gathered to drink beer, rap about meaningless shit, drink more beer, have the usual Longhorn/Aggie insults, drink more beer, quote SNL Celebrity Jeopardy, drink more beer, make fun of people who have to leave the chat to empty their bladder or get another beer, listen to whatever the hell we feel like, drink more beer...... But I don't remember doing any talking.

Tony Bennett with the Ralph Sharon Trio, Fall 1994, Casa Manana, a theater-in-the-round. Holds about 1,500 people, we were eight rows back from the stage. Bennett worked the entire circle. Still get goose-bumps thinking about it. Wayne Shorter at the Denton Arts & Jazz Fest, April 2002 (I think. maybe JSngry remembers better than I do). Just to be able to see someone I consider a legend play up to the heights I hold him.

Drat! Still no Texas dates!

I think even Buckley himself would've laughed at this! RIP