How did you guys meet your significant other?

[Hot Ptah]

Since wise words are being presented, I thought I might mention to trane fanatic that in my experience, if you are approaching life with the idea that you must connect with "a significant other", it probably won't happen. Members of the opposite sex are turned off by desperation or even a whiff of intensity of searching.

As others have wisely said, it is better to love yourself, develop an interesting and fulfilling life, and then naturally run into someone who seems to easily fit in with this life you are enjoying.

My wise contribution is that IF you meet a person with whom you feel a real connection, go for it. Genuine opportunities of this sort seldom come along. You don't want to hesitate.

And don't worry about how the match will "look" to others you know. They aren't giving you a fulfilling enough life to begin with, that is why you are looking for a mate.

Also, don't be too picky. If the person is generally acceptable and you feel a real connection, that's about as good as it gets. Since you are probably not one of the ten most physically attractive people on the planet, there is no reason why knockout,gorgeous people should swarm to you. Find the level of easy connection with possible mates, which you are actually on, and stay on that level. It's a lot more fun that way.

[trane_fanatic]

Wise words indeed, Mr. Ptah.

Trust me, I am the most "hands-off", let things take their natural course person when it comes to dating. Women can smell desperation from miles away. I'm pretty much happy in my own skin and am just looking for the missing part of the puzzle, so to speak.

It's just that the women I date, for the most part, always have some underlying psychological baggage that does not reveal itself until at least weeks into the relationship. If there's any genuine "real connection" at all, I'm going for it. I'm hardly superficial (a good heart and personality are of the most importance to me as long as she doesn't look like Ms. Elephant Man) and no, I'm not a member of the Top 10 Most Attractive People in the World (take away makeup and who is?), Top 25 maybe.

Seriously though, finding that match is difficult, even when you are not exactly looking for Ms. Perfect.

Since wise words are being presented, I thought I might mention to trane fanatic that in my experience, if you are approaching life with the idea that you must connect with "a significant other", it probably won't happen. Members of the opposite sex are turned off by desperation or even a whiff of intensity of searching.

As others have wisely said, it is better to love yourself, develop an interesting and fulfilling life, and then naturally run into someone who seems to easily fit in with this life you are enjoying.

My wise contribution is that IF you meet a person with whom you feel a real connection, go for it. Genuine opportunities of this sort seldom come along. You don't want to hesitate.

And don't worry about how the match will "look" to others you know. They aren't giving you a fulfilling enough life to begin with, that is why you are looking for a mate.

Also, don't be too picky. If the person is generally acceptable and you feel a real connection, that's about as good as it gets. Since you are probably not one of the ten most physically attractive people on the planet, there is no reason why knockout,gorgeous people should swarm to you. Find the level of easy connection with possible mates, which you are actually on, and stay on that level. It's a lot more fun that way.

Edited September 17, 2007 by trane_fanatic

[JSngry]

It's just that the women I date, for the most part, always have some underlying psychological baggage that does not reveal itself until at least weeks into the relationship.

Dude - everybody past the age of...13 or 14 has baggage.

Everybody.

If you get somebody who's not revealing their baggage to you (and I assume you're not talking raving-lunatic Psycho level baggage), you're getting somebody who is not being their true self. That certainly makes for Fun Dating but it also is a recipe for piss-poor intimacy.

Ain't no such thing as a free lunch, my friend. Sorry.

[Shawn]

I haven't...but I'm still hopeful.

[Tom Storer]

Since wise words are being presented, I thought I might mention to trane fanatic that in my experience, if you are approaching life with the idea that you must connect with "a significant other", it probably won't happen. Members of the opposite sex are turned off by desperation or even a whiff of intensity of searching.

Actually, they're only turned off if they themselves are not focused on establishing something long-term. If that weren't the case, online dating services would go nowhere, but in fact they're very active.

[Tom Storer]

the women I date, for the most part, always [my emphasis] have some underlying psychological baggage that does not reveal itself until at least weeks into the relationship.

That's only when you become consciously aware of it. I suggest, as a possibility, that that baggage is in fact what attracts you to them in the first place. When we have repeated, similar patterns in relationships, it's not accidental. Think hard about your emotional history, early childhood, relationship with your parents, all that stuff. I know it sounds like a cliché... but it's not!

[chewy-chew-chew-bean-benitez]

possible spinoff thread topic: ORGANISSIMO KINSEY REPORT: A FRANK DISCUSSION OF ORGANISSIMO BOARD MEMBERS OBSESSIONS AND HABITS

[chewy-chew-chew-bean-benitez]

i love you On Stage with the Bill Perkins Octet i love you kisses XXXooXXXXoXXXX

[MoGrubb]

How did you guys meet your significant other?, Looking for answers

I propose changing the title of this thread to "What to read when faced with insomnia."

I'm happy for all you chumps.

[jazzbo]

What, you don't find Chewy's mancrush on Bill Perkins "eye-opening?"

[MoGrubb]

What, you don't find Chewy's mancrush on Bill Perkins "eye-opening?"

[JSngry]

i love you On Stage with the Bill Perkins Octet i love you kisses XXXooXXXXoXXXX

But how did you meet it?

[trane_fanatic]

It's just that the women I date, for the most part, always have some underlying psychological baggage that does not reveal itself until at least weeks into the relationship.

Dude - everybody past the age of...13 or 14 has baggage.

Everybody.

If you get somebody who's not revealing their baggage to you (and I assume you're not talking raving-lunatic Psycho level baggage), you're getting somebody who is not being their true self. That certainly makes for Fun Dating but it also is a recipe for piss-poor intimacy.

Ain't no such thing as a free lunch, my friend. Sorry.

The last 2 relationships have been "raving-lunatic" types whose true personalities didn't reveal themselves until later on.

Edited September 18, 2007 by trane_fanatic

[(BB)]

I am reminded of what a good friend, who has known my wife and I back before we were married, said at our wedding. "You two are the only people I know who could put up with one another." I have long thought this was the secret to our relationship. Mr. Sngry is right on, everyone has baggage, the trick is finding someone who is sympathetically screwed up.

[Big Al]

Hanne and Rita stopped talking to each other decades ago, which had a lot to do with Rita's choice of a significant other.

What, did Rita marry Leonard Feather or something?

[couw]

My girlfriend at the time was 7 months pregnant at the time, but it was a very difficult partnership, and a few months later I threw in the towel (as a consequence I haven't seen my daughter since she was four months old ...).

Am I the only one who finds this little tidbit very disturbing? All fine and dandy on the "soul mate" front and the search for good vibes in partnership and marriage, but I sincerely hope some of Mike's best friends told him he was an utter jerk in this respect; if not for leaving the mother of his 4 month old child, then for not leaving her 13 months earlier.

My advice to trane_fanatic: whatever you do, don't do it like this.

[Brownian Motion]

Hanne and Rita stopped talking to each other decades ago, which had a lot to do with Rita's choice of a significant other.

What, did Rita marry Leonard Feather or something?

[The Magnificent Goldberg]

When I met my wife, she was already married and living way out in the country, in a place where there wasn't even a road. She was having an affair with a friend of my best mate. He was engaged to a friend of hers. He brought her around to my mate's place one evening when I was there.

I knew I'd marry her immediately. Dreamed about it that night.

About a year later, she left her husband and moved near where I lived. So I started seeing her and elbowed the other guy out of the way - if this sounds like a Mills & Boon novel, it felt like it, too.

First time we went to bed together, I recognised the room (and much else) from my dream. What a bleedin' shock!

That was 36 years ago. We have different interests - eg she hates music and I'm very bored watching wild animals in Africa (which is where she is now). All I have to do is avoid killing her garden before she gets back in a month

MG

PS but we did very well bringing up a very nice daughter, of whom I'm terribly proud.

Edited September 18, 2007 by The Magnificent Goldberg

[Dan Gould]

My girlfriend at the time was 7 months pregnant at the time, but it was a very difficult partnership, and a few months later I threw in the towel (as a consequence I haven't seen my daughter since she was four months old ...).

Am I the only one who finds this little tidbit very disturbing? All fine and dandy on the "soul mate" front and the search for good vibes in partnership and marriage, but I sincerely hope some of Mike's best friends told him he was an utter jerk in this respect; if not for leaving the mother of his 4 month old child, then for not leaving her 13 months earlier.

Unless you know all of the circumstances, John, I don't think you should judge. What if she had told him she was on the pill and lied and that is how she got pregnant? What if she is the one to shut him out and prevent contact? I don't know what the law is in Germany but in the States a Father may have money taken out of his paycheck to cover court-ordered child support and at the same time, barring allegations of abuse, Fathers have visitation rights.

Either way though I would not judge anyone's choices unless they went running because they refused to support or have any concern for their child.

[Chuck Nessa]

My girlfriend at the time was 7 months pregnant at the time, but it was a very difficult partnership, and a few months later I threw in the towel (as a consequence I haven't seen my daughter since she was four months old ...).

Am I the only one who finds this little tidbit very disturbing? All fine and dandy on the "soul mate" front and the search for good vibes in partnership and marriage, but I sincerely hope some of Mike's best friends told him he was an utter jerk in this respect; if not for leaving the mother of his 4 month old child, then for not leaving her 13 months earlier.

Unless you know all of the circumstances, John, I don't think you should judge. What if she had told him she was on the pill and lied and that is how she got pregnant? What if she is the one to shut him out and prevent contact? I don't know what the law is in Germany but in the States a Father may have money taken out of his paycheck to cover court-ordered child support and at the same time, barring allegations of abuse, Fathers have visitation rights.

Either way though I would not judge anyone's choices unless they went running because they refused to support or have any concern for their child.

Whatever the story, it was a disturbing post for me.

[Noj]

A very good friend of mine married the mother of his daughter about five years ago, in a bit of a shotgun wedding. The marriage had been without romance for several years and ended recently in a fairly amiable split. So, marrying for the sake of a child doesn't necessarily help the situation. Pregnancy with the wrong girl makes things messy, that's for sure.

[PHILLYQ]

The following is actually a true story. I went to the wedding of a friend in 1985, and at the wedding a pretty woman caught the bouquet. I wanted to meet her, so when the garter toss came along I stood in front of another friend who is 6'4"(I'm 5'8"). My theory was correct, and the garter hit his hand and got jostled down to where I caught it. Of course, I got to meet the woman when I put the garter on her leg in front of a few hundred people. I asked her for a date, and while dating we found we had some mutual friends and that she grew up about 12 blocks away from me! We have our 20th anniversary on the 26th.

[Chuck Nessa]

I asked her for a date, and while dating we found we had some mutual friends and that she grew up about 12 blocks away from me! We have our 20th anniversary on the 26th.

Great story. All the best to the two of you.

[ejp626]

I asked her for a date, and while dating we found we had some mutual friends and that she grew up about 12 blocks away from me! We have our 20th anniversary on the 26th.

Great story. All the best to the two of you.

That is a good story. The last serious girlfriend I had before I met my wife, we met on a train. She told me later that she sort of pushed someone else aside to sit next to me as the train was filling up (apparently I had the tortured romantic look she liked). I was trying to grade papers, and she kept making conversation, so I decided at the end of the trip to get her phone number. For better or worse, she decided she wasn't ready for a really serious relationship and called it off after a few months. I suspect if we had continued dating, we would have gotten married. That would have been a pretty cool "How I Met Your Mother."

[Big Al]

We met during a church bowling league, but I had had seen her before at church. I fell head over heels for her the moment I saw her. In fact, I started going to choir practice on Wednesday nights so I could be with her (she was going through a divorce at the time*). I am very proud of how I warmed/wormed my way into her heart: I lived with my folks (I was in college) and we lived very close to church, about a fifteen-minute walk. I would walk to choir practice, and then walk home afterwards, hoping she would drive past me and offer me a ride (this was around November 1990). To this day, I'm still surprised that worked as well as it did! The first time I tried that trick, her daughter--who was three at the time--was sitting in the back and said, "Now you're my daddy!" My wife was completely flabbergasted and embarrassed, but in my heart I was thinking "Gimme time, kiddo!" The divorce was final in March of '91, and we began dating shortly afterwards

That was seventeen years ago. Three years after that (January 1994), we were married and her daughter became our daughter; we included her in the ceremony as part of the wedding vows. Two years later, my wife and I had a son, and the rest is living continuing history.

*I want to make it clear that the divorce was in process long before we met, and they were separated long before I entered the picture. I should also add that I had a great relationship with my spouse's ex. John was always supportive of how I was raising his daughter, and he never gave me any grief. In fact, after our son was born, John was so happy for us. He treated Nathan like his own son, sending him birthday and Christmas presents, and even inviting Nathan to come with his daughter on visitation weekends as Nathan got older. When John passed away last year, we went to the memorial, and his widow told me how much he loved Nathan, and that I was the best "step-husband" he'd ever had. I know that there was some history between him and my wife, and I don't deny the strain that was always there. But he was always good to me, he was always good to my son. And for that, I was completely blessed; I've heard the nightmare stories of psycho ex-spouses and this was clearly a happy exception!

(Edited to clear up some pronoun confusion I noticed)

Edited April 9, 2008 by Big Al