Christiern Posted May 4, 2008 Report Posted May 4, 2008 (edited) BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me....... DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road... ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken!...... What is your definition of chicken? AL GORE: I invented the chicken! COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun? AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?...... We need some black chickens Can you come up with more? Edited May 4, 2008 by Christiern Quote
Big Wheel Posted May 4, 2008 Report Posted May 4, 2008 GregM: We must torture the chicken and invade the coop, and those of you who don't understand why are clearly anti-Semites. Quote
jazzbo Posted May 4, 2008 Report Posted May 4, 2008 Wynton Marsalis: Now that chicken was funky. Not in the plugged in Miles Davis or Rick james or James Brown sort of funky chicken. But in the New Orleans gutbucket sort of cross road funky chicken. Blue. Deep blue in the jazz tradition. Quote
alocispepraluger102 Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 http://www.subservientchicken.com/ Quote
Christiern Posted May 5, 2008 Author Report Posted May 5, 2008 So, may we now continue this thread? Quote
jazzbo Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 Jack Kerouac: Burning bright jazz streams chick vaulted through starry night to turn the key to the gleaming engine that was that other side the mad side the Dulouz hemp-lined hot side. Quote
Alexander Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 Allen Ginsberg - I saw the best chickens of my generation destroyed by the road... William Burroughs - The chicken crossed the road to meet the Gimp who sold him some Junk. Then the Gimp hung the chicken. Quote
RDK Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 Q: Why did Jesus cross the Road? A: He was nailed to a chicken. Quote
Van Basten II Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 (edited) Clementine: Chic-kennnn plain sucks Why don't the fuckin masses recognize the genius that is the Black-faced Spoonbill instead of wasting your time on crappy chickenshit edc does not get why people care about puh-fucking-thetic turkey who deserve to be squash by the goddamn car on the road final tip from yours truly check out Chaco Pipit , way better that the talentless whore that liberals propaganda sells you as the greatest thing on earth overhyped caille EDC people's bird expert Edited May 5, 2008 by Van Basten II Quote
The Magnificent Goldberg Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 Clementine: Chic-kennnn plain sucks Why don't the fuckin masses recognize the genius that is the Black-faced Spoonbill instead of wasting your time on crappy chickenshit edc does not get why people care about puh-fucking-thetic turkey who deserve to be squash by the goddamn car on the road final tip from yours truly check out Chaco Pipit , way better that the talentless whore that liberals propaganda sells you as the greatest thing on earth overhyped caille EDC people's bird expert MG Quote
Brownian Motion Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 Louis Armstrong - If you got to ask, you shouldn't mess with it. Quote
AllenLowe Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 (edited) Me: Chickens are over-rated - and because of their continued efforts against me, I can't get any gigs - Edited May 5, 2008 by AllenLowe Quote
robviti Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 kevin bresnahan: i was talking to michael cuscuna last week about when we can expect the chicken to cross the road again. there's no definate date yet, but he assured me it's going to happen. let's hope the chicken does it right this time, with an sacd tied to his back. Quote
Dan Gould Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 Kevin Bresnahan (update): These chickens have UPC codes, so these are definite for crossing the street. Quote
Big Al Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 Mick Jagger: to teach me how to walk Billy Ray Cyrus: even though I was there to watch the chicken cross the road, had I known the chicken crossing the road would've caused this much controversy, I would never have allowed the chicken to cross the road. In fact, the chicken should've known better than to cross the road. Dan Gould: things look good for the chicken because the road's been good to him. Granted, his stats don't look good while he's home which makes the road look that much more appealing, but with a road average of .289 compared to his home avg. of .211, I can understand why he'd want to cross the road. Of course, this assumes that Theo doesn't bench him first. I'm sure Dan will have a good one for me regarding my hapless baseball team! Quote
AllenLowe Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 (edited) to get away from those damn Brubeck reissues - Edited May 5, 2008 by AllenLowe Quote
Big Al Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 To avoid a thundering herd of Chick-Fil-A Cows™ Quote
Christiern Posted May 5, 2008 Author Report Posted May 5, 2008 BERIGAN: Being a gullible kosher chicken, to get away from a finger-snapping, foot-thumping, quill-wielding Dane of ill repute. Quote
Jazzmoose Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road. Barbara: Now, Mr. Chicken; if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? Chicken: Bwawk? Quote
JSngry Posted May 5, 2008 Report Posted May 5, 2008 What if the chicken is actually no "chicken" at all, but rather a manifested appendage of all the organic/life energy that the road has accumulated over the years but has until now been unable to present in a viable form? Would not then the "chicken" "crossing the road" be a case of more of the same, only different? Quote
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