randissimo Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Follow the instructions below for the genuine thrill that comes with discovering your blues name: From the first list, take the name using the initial of your first name. From the second list, do the same with your middle name. From the third, your surname. First List A=Fat; B=Muddy ; C=Crippled; D=Old; E=Texas; F=Hollerin'; G=Ugly; H=Brown; I=Happy; J=Boney; K=Curly; L=Pretty; M=Jailhouse; N=Peg Leg; O=Red; P=Sleepy; Q=Bald; R=Skinny; S=Blind; T=Big; U=Yella; V=Toothless; W=Screamin'; X=Fat Boy; Y=Washboard; Z=Steel-Eye Second List A=Bones; B=Money; C=Harp; D=Legs; E=Eyes; F=Lemon; G=Killer; H=Hips; I=Lips; J=Fingers; K=Boy; L=Liver; M=Gumbo; N=Foot; O=Mama; P=Back; Q=Duke; R=Dog; S=Bad Boy; T=Baby; U=Chicken; V=Pickles; W=Sugar; X=Cracker; Y=Tooth; Z=Smoke Third List A=Jackson; B=McGee; C=Hopkins; D=Dupree; E=Green; F=Brown; G=Jones; H=Rivers; I=Malone; J=Washington; K=Smith; L=Parker; M=Lee; N=Thompkins; O=King; P=Bradley; Q=Hawkins; R=Jefferson; S=Davis; T=Franklin; U=White; V=Jenkins; W=Bailey; X=Johnson; Y=Blue; Z=Allison This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AfricaBrass Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Boney Dog McGee is in the house! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noj Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Boney Back Davis on the set! B) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Dye Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Boney Gumbo DuPree I'll go by B.G. Dupree. It has a better ring to it. __________ GO PISTONS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bertrand Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Muddy Gumbo White! Sounds like something Wynton Marsalis might eat... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed S Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Texas Davis. Doesn't quite have a ring to it. If only I had a middle name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim R Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Boney Liver (??) Jefferson... no good. Can I switch list 1 with list 2? That would make me "Pretty Fingers Jefferson" B) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe G Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 (edited) Boney Sugar Jones, Y'all! Hell of a lot of Boneys in the house. Boney James, anyone? Edited March 13, 2003 by Joe G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AfricaBrass Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Hell of a lot of Boneys in the house. Boney James, anyone? I wonder if Boney James' first name starts with a "J" too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzmoose Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Jailhouse Legs Hopkins here. They call me Jailhouse Legs 'cuz of the way I haul ass outa there whenever someone named "Boney" shows up at the cell... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzbo Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Damn. . . it's Pretty Eyes Jackson cryin' the blues. The Board Blues "Woke up one mo'nin' My whole damn board was gone Now what am I gonna stomp on What am I go'ne stomp on. . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Nessa Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 Crippled Baby Thomkins here. Damn, I always wanted to be Big Spider Beck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint Vitus Posted March 13, 2003 Report Share Posted March 13, 2003 A killer combination, Fat Bad Boy Parker. :rsly: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Fat Gumbo Davis... Yas, yas... B) "I ain't got no Lincoln Continental, Lawd...Sho' ain't got no Ford Windstar... Lawd, I ain't got no Lincoln Continental...An' I sho' ain't got no Ford Windstar... Gotta drive down that ol' dirt road In my low down dirty Honda Civic...My Honda Civic, lawd..." Who says white guys can't sing the blues? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Jailhouse Sugar Bailey. Not too bad, I must be Derek Bailey's brother he never mentions in interviews. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J Larsen Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Boney Boy Parker??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catesta Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Sir Crippled Bones Franklin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul Stream Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 (edited) I got "Jailhouse" Mama Brown.... ....but I wish I were Toothless "Tooth" Jefferson. Edited March 14, 2003 by Soul Stream Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BERIGAN Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Everyone will line up to see....Crippled Sugar Rivers! But no one will want to hear me..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randissimo Posted March 14, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Crippled Baby Thomkins here. Damn, I always wanted to be Big Spider Beck. That's a good one Chuck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Alfredson Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Boney Baby Jackson... But I'll go by B.B. Jackson... that's much better! If only I could be Fat Cracker Jackson! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie87 Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Ol' "Skinny Eyes" Parker here yessir. I posted this a long time ago on the NBB: ****************** HOW TO SING THE BLUES by Lame Mango Washington 1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning." 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town." 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes .... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound." 4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out. 5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is. 9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. 10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty bed d. bottom of a whiskey glass Bad places: a. Ashrams b. gallery openings c. Ivy League institutions d. golf courses 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it. 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a. you're older than dirt b. you're blind c. you shot a man in Memphis d. you can't be satisfied No, if: a. you have all your teeth b. you were once blind but now can see c. the man in Memphis lived d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund 13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues. 14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. wine b. whiskey or bourbon c. muddy water d. black coffee The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. mixed drinks b. kosher wine c. Snapple d. sparkling water 15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction. 16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling 17. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big Willie 18. Persons with names like Brad, Reno, Biff, Sierra, Sequoia, Buffy, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. 19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit): a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,Kiwi,etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.") 20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clunky Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Fat Boy Hopkins, where are my parents Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BERIGAN Posted March 16, 2003 Report Share Posted March 16, 2003 Crippled Baby Thomkins here. Damn, I always wanted to be Big Spider Beck. Chuck, I heard about Big Spider Beck once, something about a British Journalist not understanding Hugh Hefner was talking about Bix... true, or some sort of urban jazz legend??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Nessa Posted March 17, 2003 Report Share Posted March 17, 2003 My first encounter with Mr. Beck was from the mouth of Bob Koester in the middle '60s. Bob mentioned the fantasy of foisting a "fake blues rediscovery" on the critics. This was inspired by Steve Allen and Bob Thiele, who issued a Dot lp by the "overlooked legend" Buck Hammer. I don't know nothing 'bout Hef and a stupid Brit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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