Tom, this is absolutely ridiculous what you're going through. I would suggest calling the local PO but I don't know whether that helps but I would call anyway. That said I also have an 800 number which may or may not help?
Call: 1-800-ASK-USPS® (1-800-275-8777) Whomever you talk to I would make it clear your displeasure and I would site verbatim the tracking this package has taken so far and when the hell you're going to get it. Again, I feel for you brother. This is embarrassing for me as a US Postal employee. Clearly we need to do much better than this.
Let me also add, if I wasn't on vacation right now I'd have made a print out of your dilemma and showed it to my Postmaster and asked him for his input.