Jim Alfredson Posted February 2, 2004 Report Share Posted February 2, 2004 I hope she pulls through, Tom. I lost my mom in 1997 to cancer and it was a huge blow to the entire family. You have a great support group here should you need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeweil Posted February 2, 2004 Report Share Posted February 2, 2004 Thumbs and Heads Up! You're doing a great job teaching your dad - honestly! Best wishes for your mom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster_Ties Posted February 3, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Just a quick update... It's only a matter of time before my Mom passes away. She's not in any pain, and she is in a deep coma (and has been since the initial event). She lived a relatively long life, and was productive and happy up until the very end -- which is all any of us could ever ask for. My Dad is holding up great. Things like this are never easy, but he is one of the most "practical" people I've ever known, and -- to some extent -- is a tower of strength. My mom isn't gone yet, but we all realize that in reality, she is gone. The odds of her recovering are 1 in a million -- and being practical people, we do not bet against those kinds of odds. And, we are all comfortable with this too. Some may call this "cold" - but life is what it is, and to call it anything else would be to ignore the facts of the situation. My Dad is calmly talking about the need to look at selling his and my Mom's house, and moving into an apartment. He's not overly sad about this, or despondent - he's just looking head-long into the future, and not sticking his head in the sand about anything. We're all remembering all kinds of good things about Mom, and frankly -- about other relatives who are long since gone too, like all of my grandparents. And none of it is being done with any kind of "heavy sadness" - but, rather, with a fondness for those we are remembering. There are tough moments, here and there -- and there are surely some really tough ones yet to come (probably later this week), but 95% of the time we're all getting on with the business of getting back to normal. Or, rather, getting back to a "new" kind of "normal" - which isn't exactly like the old "normal" -- but also isn't radically different from the old "normal" either. My Dad's a hell of a guy, and I think he'll probably mostly do just fine in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. Lots of people have very tragic things happen to them years and decades before they reach 69 (my mom's current age), and my parents had 40+ years together, which is something my Dad will always treasure. I was really close to my Mom, and I know --- as I look back in the future --- that I will be glad that she lived such an incredibly full life, for 69 really GREAT years. We should all be so lucky. Peace... -- Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Al Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Amen to that, and peace to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your time with us, and allowing us to help you through this time. You and your family are still in my prayers. aL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Alfredson Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Tom, Your mom might be waiting to be let go. My mom was in a coma for a week. The doctors said she was braindead. On Thanksgiving Day, 1997, my father, my eldest sister, me, and my youngest sister all went into her room with her father and brother and my dad took her hand. And even though the doctors said she couldn't hear us, that she wasn't there, that she was already gone... my dad told her it was ok for her to go. He told her we would all be ok and she could go. She cried a single tear and then she died. She was just waiting for us to let her know it was ok to go on to the next stage. If you all have truly made your peace (and it sounds like you have) you might want to take your father and let your mom know that it's ok... I'm with you, man... it's hard. It will always be hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Those are touching words Tom ... hang in there ... Eric Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neveronfriday Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Tom, man, I'm sorry. I wish you strength. Your mom must be proud of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gould Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Very sorry to hear the news, Tom. Keep hanging in there, and know that you remain in our thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzmessenger Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Tom, Hang in there. My best wishes to you and your family. Shoji Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John B Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Tom - My deepest sympathies. It sounds like you and your family are dealing with this as well as could be hoped for. Take care, and keep treasuring those good memories you have of your mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
connoisseur series500 Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Thanks for your sane words, Tom (and B-3er.) I've never been in the situation so I can only imagine what it must be like. I also echo a couple of thoughts made by other posters: consider us a support group for sure and thanks for having the courage and confidence for sharing your feelings, Tom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with the Golden Arm Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Very sorry to hear this news. What b3-er said is very important. My wife is a big believer in giving those so close to you "permission", especially a parent. Your Strength, Love and Warmth are so apparent. Wish you the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ralphie_boy Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Tom, I hope and pray everything turns out ok for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeweil Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 What b3-er said is very important. My wife is a big believer in giving those so close to you "permission", especially a parent. Your Strength, Love and Warmth are so apparent. Wish you the best. I can only underline this all - without me giving her permission my mother would not have been able to go in peace. If you can bear it, try to be with her, talk to her or to her spirit - it will help all of you. My thoughts are with you, these are trying times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 This makes me terribly sad. Tom, I'm glad you're able to be with your loved ones in this difficult time. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Meloy Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 My kindest thoughts to you and your family Tom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave James Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Rooster - Hope everything resolves itself as positively as possible. A trying time for you and your family no doubt. There's something about a parent falling into harm's way that causes us to confront our own mortality. Nothing about any of this is very pleasant. Keep us posted when you can. Up over and out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed S Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Holy smokes. At a time like this who knows really what to say. Best wishes to you and your family. You seem to be dealing with things so very well right now and recognize that there are some tough times ahead in the coming days. The strength that you are exhibiting now will no doubt help you all in the days ahead when your impending loss becomes a reality. Try to remember that your feelings and emotions at that time are an expression of the love that you had for her. Let them flow and be there for your dad as the reality hits him. The positive things you have written indicate that you had a great family life. Your mother may not be with you much longer but your memories of her and your family life will be with you for as long as you live. Sounds like you have some great ones and that is truly something to be thankful for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster_Ties Posted February 5, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2004 (edited) Just got the word that my mom passed away peacefully about an hour ago. We had all been expecting this for several days, and the news was as much a relief as anything. The family is doing well, and my Dad is doing well too. Probably not much more to say than that. Thanks to everyone here for the words of encouragement. I hope to be back in Kansas City by the middle of next week, plus or minus. Gotta go, lots to do tomorrow. Edited February 5, 2004 by Rooster_Ties Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmitry Posted February 5, 2004 Report Share Posted February 5, 2004 Be strong and have your wife by your side! My sincere condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Dye Posted February 5, 2004 Report Share Posted February 5, 2004 My sincere condolences, Tom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
couw Posted February 5, 2004 Report Share Posted February 5, 2004 sorry to hear this tom. my sincere condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownie Posted February 5, 2004 Report Share Posted February 5, 2004 All of us here were afraid of getting this bad news! We all have you and your family in our thoughts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel A Posted February 5, 2004 Report Share Posted February 5, 2004 I'm very sorry, Tom. My deepest condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neveronfriday Posted February 5, 2004 Report Share Posted February 5, 2004 After your posts, I think we were expecting this but hoping it would not happen. How very sad. My sincere condolences, Tom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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